It suddenly occurred to me when Aunt Susan called and confirmed she was coming over next weekend, that I had to start planning every day from Monday onwards. Now this might sound like a chore, but in reality, planning days out with the girl I liked... rather exciting.
So, now that I knew next weekend, or well Saturday night and probably the majority of Sunday was off limits, I had to think more carefully.
What things could we do in the evenings and what would take all day? So, I made a list. A hastily scribbled list on the back of a receipt as I listened to Remi trying to end the conversation to Suze. She liked to talk a lot in person and over the phone.
The Idiot’s Plan
-beach?? the beach house in florida? too far
-carnival for sure – definitely after school
-that rose garden place off the highway – double check opening times
-cliff me and mom found a few yrs ago – can probably go after school
-swimming? water park? indoor ski centre? indoor rock climbing place – if weather is bad ?
-lagoon lounge?
-dinner out? or dessert bcos she likes sweet things
-museums, art galleries? outside places if possible – is there an outdoor cinema near us?
-zoo, aquarium – need to check this online, local ones suck!!!
-mom's ? far away...
DETENTION ALL NEXT WEEK REMEMBER!!! (thanks raegan) >:(
It was a start. And would probably need much review.
I heard the front door opening and closing and assumed Raegan and Kyle had returned from their coffee run. Good, I needed to wake the hell up.
I carefully folded the receipt up, trying not to smudge the ink, and tucked it onto my pocket out of sight and just in time because Raegan and Kyle returned to the kitchen, coffee in hand, just as Remi hung up the phone with Suze. I gave her a look of understanding. I’d been the one to answer her call last time and knew just how difficult it was to get rid of her.
‘Who was that?’ Kyle asked.
‘Aunt Susan,’ I replied, making my way over to Raegan and helping her distribute the drinks.
I soon wished I’d taken my drink and left the room as the conversation somehow turned into discussing Remi and Kyle's private life which I really didn’t want to hear about. This ended up in Remi fiercely dragging Kyle from the room to ‘make out and more’.
Luckily my mind was focused on other things so the image didn’t get too stuck in my brain. I didn’t usually leave things until the last minute and now I was panicking a little. Okay, tomorrow I would just have to sit down and make sure I had our affairs in order. If I wanted Raegan to tell me her secret then I’d have to give her a reason to.
It was easy to banter with Raegan. So easy in fact that I found myself in dangerous territory once more without realising how I got there. Dangerous meaning... on the verge of giving up and kissing her that is.
It wasn’t until I’d warned her once more to not tell anyone about the whole razor incident earlier this morning that I realised I was far too close to her and it was nearly impossible to move away.
‘Your pulse is fast,’ I noted, hand resting on her neck.
It was. Racing like a little frightened rabbit in fact. Mine was too but I had my own reasons for that. Usually when I was this close to her, my nerves made an appearance.
‘Must be the coffee,’ she replied just as quietly.
‘Yeah, maybe,’ I replied distractedly.
Right here. I drew a line down the side of her neck slowly. Right here I think I'd like to kiss. There was something intimate about kissing someone’s neck. Perhaps that’s why I’d never tried it before but I wanted to right now. I was craving any form of closeness with her in any way, shape or form. And right here was where I wanted to do it. I traced the line again as if marking it like a cross on a pirate’s map. Maybe I’d be able to come back for it later.
‘You cut your face,’ she said, suddenly reaching up and turning my chin. It forced me to look away but I couldn’t complain too much seeing as she was fawning over me because of a tiny cut. ‘That’s what you get for using women’s razors,’ she added.
‘I really should have stocked up,’ I agreed, more focused on sliding my fingers through her own so she couldn’t touch my face anymore. Too distracting.
‘You could have waited another day,’ she blurted out.
Huh? Her regretful look made me suspicious. What hadn’t she meant to say? I had to sluggishly recall our conversation. Waited another day to shave my face? But why would I do that? Unless- hang on.
I was so obviously into the way she looked that I never really thought about whether she liked the way I looked. Interesting thought. To be honest, I didn’t pay myself the most attention. Sometimes on bad hair days I had to shove some gel in it and I was fortunate enough to have clear skin – some poor suckers suffered with scarring acne. I did count my blessings there. I was probably average looking really... brown hair and brown eyes. Didn’t girls usually fight over the blue-eyed smooth-talking kind of guys?
I was suddenly very interested to know what type of guy Raegan was into. Looks and personality wise. Although, I also didn’t want to know. I wanted it to be someone like me, just whatever the hell I even was. And unfortunately, if she wasn’t into someone like me then I guess there was nothing I could do about it. That thought made me kind of sad. But changing who you are just to be with someone else was a hell of a lot sadder. I could never do that, no matter how much I wanted to be with her.
‘What do you mean?’ I asked with a playful smirk.
Even if she thought I was the most gross creature on earth, I would still enjoy teasing her at every possibility.
‘I just- er,’ she broke off, frowning as she caught sight of the look on my face. She let out a short huff of air. ‘You look good with stubble.’
Oh yeah, that was hard for her to admit. She looked embarrassed. Funny ‘cos I’m pretty sure I complimented her a lot and I didn’t really give a shit. She was cute that way getting all shy.
Wait, so I was her type?
‘I never thought I’d see the day when you of all people told me I looked good,’ I couldn’t help but taunt her.
Internally I was doing cartwheels.
‘With stubble,’ she said hastily. ‘Other than that, you’re gross.’
Liar. She was lying! Her cheeks were all pink and she looked annoyed. This time I was almost certain of it.
‘Really? I wouldn’t use the word gross.’
‘What word would you use? I think gross is appropriate in many ways,’ she replied stubbornly, perhaps hoping I’d give up.
Too bad I liked her stubborn nature.
‘How so?
‘One, you like old people,’ she began making me grimace. ‘Two, you use women’s razors. Three-' she stopped, frowning slightly as she tried to come up with a third thing.
‘Ran out of ideas, huh?’
‘For now,’ she replied grudgingly.
Good. Now I could tell her just how incorrect her ‘gross’ findings were.
‘One, I like old people the average amount and definitely not in a sexual way.’
You know, there are just some sentences you’d never think you’d say in your life. But sometimes weird shit just happened.
‘Three, you’re a tubbo!’ she cut in.
Easily disproved.
‘Two, that was a one time thing and if I knew you liked my stubble that much I would have left it there,’ I winked annoyingly. It was fun to have the upper hand with her – a rare occurrence. ‘And thirdly,’ I added, snatching up her wrist after her shove. ‘I am not a tubbo!’
I wasn’t one of those body builder guys or those crazy gym dudes who posted pictures of their four hundred hour work out every morning, but I did like to keep in shape. Raegan’s ‘tubbo’ comments I couldn’t give a single shit about ‘cos I know she was just messing around. But she had more than enough things she could use to tease me so taking that away from her would feel good.
And maybe I just wanted to see what she’d do after I placed her hand on my chest. We’d become a lot more... physical for want of a better word. I didn’t feel so hesitant or nervous about casually touching her hand or hair. And she was the one who insisted on napping on me all the time. I’d say we were a lot more relaxed around each other now. So I hoped placing her hand on my chest wasn’t to weird.
‘What’re you doing?’ she asked in a genuinely confused voice.
‘Well can you feel any fat?’ I asked, wanting her to admit that she could no longer use the tubbo jokes. I grabbed her other hand too when she didn’t respond right away
‘No, but I’m putting that down to the fact that I can’t move my hands,’ she pointed out with an amused look.
I held my own hands up for a moment before placing them either side of her on the counter. Hmm, she was trapped like this. I liked the idea of her being stuck with me.
‘You’re tense.’
Yeah, I’m trying not to kiss you of course I’m freaking tense. I voiced this out loud, leaving out the first part about kissing her. Although from the way her hands were grazing over my stomach, it seemed almost like she wouldn’t mind a kiss or two right now.
‘Why “of course”?’ she asked, meeting my eyes.
Ah shit. This was a fucking test and a half right now. Why the hell did I suck so much at reading her signals? What on earth did she want from me right now? She was giving me ‘kiss me’ eyes. But what if she wasn’t? What if that was a completely different expression entirely?
‘Why d’you think?’ I managed to get out.
I was glad when she changed the subject to our deal. She wanted very desperately to know where I was taking her. If only she knew the answers were all right there in my front pocket on the back of a receipt. She’d probably rip my freaking clothes off to get the answers. Not that that would be a bad thing.
And resisting her was getting more difficult by the second. Too close yet too far from one another.
‘It’s strange that we’ve only known each other for two weeks,’ I told her.
‘Why d’you say that?’
‘It feels like I’ve known you forever.’
It was so terribly cliché yet so terribly true. How often did someone connect with another this quickly? Was it normal? I didn’t think so. Lucky, I suppose, that our paths crossed when they did.
‘Yeah,’ she agreed softly. ‘I feel that way too.’
The way she said it, the way her voice caught as if from some kind of emotion, she was holding back made me think she truly meant it.
‘Are you nervous?’ I asked, already reaching up to trace that line down her neck again.
‘Why would you say that?’
‘Because your pulse is quick,’ I told her again quietly and close to her ear. I could smell the sweetness from her shampoo this close.
Maybe it was, maybe it wasn’t. I hadn’t spared any time to check it again. I assumed it was still racing like a rabbit’s but with her it was difficult to guess.
‘That’s the coffee. Plus, you’re the one tensing,’ she added, pressing more firmly against my chest. Yet, she wasn’t pushing me away. ‘And why would I be nervous anyway?’ she demanded.
I didn’t really know how to answer that. Maybe because I was so wrapped up in the idea of kissing her right now that I didn’t even feel nervous in the slightest. There just wasn’t enough room for that emotion in amongst all the others.
I was even on the verge of just going for it. She had an ‘I dare you’ sort of look on her face which made me get so far as tilting her chin up before-
‘Ow fuck!’ Raegan hissed, hand shooting up to her head.
Fuck was right. Fucking bullshit migraines coming along to ruin a perfectly good moment where- oh wait shit, no time for that now.
‘Shit, Raegan. Are you okay?’ I asked quickly, swiftly coming back to my senses.
I didn’t wait for a response and immediately pulled her over to a stool to sit down. If it was anything like last time this happened at my house, then she was going to feel weak. Best not to be standing.
‘You got those painkillers with you?’ I asked.
‘I’ve ran out,’ she managed to reply.
‘Ran out?’ I repeated. ‘When did you last take them?’
Holy hell as if she didn’t suffer enough. Now the poor girl couldn’t even get rid of these damn headaches right away. Would normal painkillers help? Maybe I should grab some of them. No... pointless, I think. She wouldn’t need prescription meds if ones you could buy at the drug store worked.
‘This morning.’
‘Then why aren’t they working?’ I demanded.
‘I guess they need to increase the dosage or something,’ she replied in an unsure voice.
‘When can you get some more?’ I asked.
Whoever her doctor was better work on the damn weekends else I was going to have to go down there and kick down his door until he gave us another set of pills for Raegan. This guy sounded freaking useless. Giving her shit painkillers that don’t even work. He had some explaining to do.
Not that I’d understand because I wasn’t a medical or pharmaceutical expert but still!
‘Probably tomorrow earliest. But I don’t want to go and get them,’ she muttered.
‘Why not?’ I asked, confused. Didn’t she want the pain to stop? She didn’t reply so I gave her hand a gentle squeeze.
‘They’re - I mean I’d have to go home,’ she got out. ‘I can’t risk – I don’t want to run into anyone...’
Okay, who in the fuck was she so scared of back home? Who didn’t she want to see? Was that the reason she’d left? Did she have some fucking weird stalker ex boyfriend or something? If so, I was ready to meet him.
‘Raegan, you can’t let that stop you,’ I got out, remaining as calm as I could possibly be. ‘Wear a hoody and sunglasses if you don’t want people to recognise you for whatever reason but you’ve got to go back. I’ll drag you there myself if I have to.’
I’d rather she hate me for dragging her back than stay here in pain.
‘Fine,’ she smiled slightly. ‘But we’d have to leave as quickly as possible. And I’d have to run away if I saw anyone.’
‘Whatever suits you, Raegan. As long as you go, I don’t care if you dress up in a Mickey Mouse costume,’ I told her.
‘I wouldn’t go that extreme. You worry too much,’ she replied, laughing me off.
I was about to tell her how I didn’t think I worried quite enough but she, for the second time in the space of a few hours, tenderly brushed my hair back. I couldn’t help but close my eyes at her touch. Fuck. She really had me, didn’t she?
‘I should go and see what clothes Remi can lend me for this evening,’ she said quietly, pulling her hand away and getting to her feet. I did same but didn’t follow her to the door.
‘Raegan,’ I said hesitantly just as she was about to leave.
‘Yeah?’ she said, looking back over her shoulder.
‘I-' I broke off suddenly not wanting to finish my sentence. How could I so bluntly say what I meant? ‘Is your headache gone?’ I asked instead.
‘That’s not what you were going to say,’ she replied observantly.
‘But that’s what I asked,’ I replied with a rueful smile.
She looked at me for a long second as if debating whether to press the issue any further. In the end she didn’t.
‘My head is fine,’ she replied softly before departing the kitchen and leaving me alone.
Mine wasn't.
I sighed and leaned back against the counter feeling simultaneously drained and full of life. Sometimes it was easy to speak so honestly with her but I suppose there was a limit on what you could say and when. Timing was key and this wasn’t the right time to say what had gone through my mind just then.
I think I could fall in love with you. If you let me...