WARNING💟:
past trauma
slight gore
Drug use
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Y/N
"It's your birthday.... Right?" I said shakily.
He threw his keys onto the table and cleared his throat. I watched him turn around and drag in a black paper bag. He shut the door with his foot and walked into the kitchen.... He seemed to be... ignoring me?
Once he entered the kitchen Shinsou reached up into the cabinet and pulled out a small shot glass.
I walked over to him, my voice cracking slightly, "Happy birthday Toshi...." He looked down to me, his eyes wracked over my frame. I felt a knot form in my throat.
Why am I always fucking up?
I just wanted him to feel appreciated... you only get one day a year where the attention is truly yours...
He pushed his way past me to grab the liquor that sat above my head. I took in his expressions the way his eye seemed to twitch ever so slightly - The blood smudged on his cheek. It must've been a bad night...
He poured vodka into the small glass but not before cracking open a fireball shot and quickly drinking it. Toshi tiredly reached up and pulled off his scarf.
"I'm sorry... Did I do something wrong?" I was a bit baffled that he was actually ignoring me.
He let out a sigh and picked up the glass. I pulled on his sleeve once he turned away from me and began walking into the room.
"Can you please talk to me?" I asked, and he continued to walk. My tugging got harsher once we hit the halfway mark of the hall to his room.
"Toshi don't ignore me!" I yelled, now planting my feet on the floor and grabbing ahold of his shirt, "All you do is push me away every time I fuck up and it's not fair! You're so complicated! Last time you kicked me out of your damn house now you're ignoring me even being in it!"
He stopped in his tracks and turned his head to me, "Then stop fucking up."
"Tell me how..." my voice began to crack as I looked up at him... his face was stone cold.
His face began to twist, Like he had bit into something sour. Like I disgusted him... did I disgust him?
I let out a Yelp, he grabbed me by my wrist and started to yank me into the room with him. Once my body hit his bed I immediately went into a protective position.
I hated to admit it... but I was scared. Scared of what he'd do to me...
"How did you even find out?" He asked, hovering over me.
I shot up onto my knees, "I- I don't know....." I said softly. The feeling of his power radiating over me almost made my knees weak...
"Don't play dumb with me. Fucking talk before I really kick you the fuck out." He said harshly.
"I was cleaning up-"
I let out a noise once I felt him grab me by my ankle, basically pulling me to the edge of the bed, "Bullshit!" He hissed.
"Toshi- I swear- I was putting a spoon away and- and I found a couple of photos in a book..."
"Where is it? Huh?" He asked is nose scrunching up as he spoke now, "What did you fucking see in the photo's?!"
"There back where I found them! It was just baby pictures I swear!"
He let out a very aggravated noise and ran his fingers through his hair. He plopped down next to my feet, his back facing me. He folded his hands in his lap and hunched over slightly.
I let a few seconds pass before I spoke, "Toshi you have to tell me something-"
"I know, I know just- Just give me a minute okay?" His voice softened as he finished his science.
I sat up in the bed and slowly crawled to him. I examined his face and how he looked like he was battling the world at this very moment.... I let some time pass before I spoke again. I decided to start off light, "What happened today... at work?" He didn't answer.
Okay...
Lets try a different approach
"Did you eat something for lunch?" I asked. He gently nodded his head. "Mhmm what was it?"
"....Sandwich." He muttered timidly.
I smiled softly, "PB & J?, tuna?, chicken?, BLT?,ham and cheese-"
"That was it. Ham and cheese."
"I think it would've been better if I packed your lunch.." I smiled.
"I don't think you making me food was in the contract." He softly said.
"I know, Extra precaution- Just in case you can't make it to a store."
"You'd make me food for work?" He asked.
"Why not? I don't want you going hungry on a shift."
"I doubt you can cook... So no."
I let out a scoff, "fine. You can starve."
He Began to chuckle, It was soft. With little energy put behind it. "It was a joke. Make me whatever you want, Just don't burn my house down."
My? Did he forget.... I have one too?
Does he want me to....
No...
He put on a look of confusion when he looked down at me, Then it began to click,"I- I mean I'd like you to be here with Me most of the time... We could always stay at your place-''
"It's fine." I smiled, "I like it here."
He let out a breath. "Alright... I take it, you saw the photo of my third birthday?" I hummed in agreement. "A- after that-........... I- Um......." his jaw tightened but he continued to look forward.
"After my third birthday it seemed like everything began to go downhill... I don't know whether it was my father- My mother or both..." He said shakily.
"They collectively made my life a living hell, My mother was obsessed with me having a quirk. Her quirk in specific: Brainwashing. My father was obsessed with me being an athlete. Thought it was the quickest way of making me a man. Earning the family name. 'To be able to call myself a Hitoshi.'"
He took in a breath before speaking again, "All I wanted as a kid was friends. To be noticed by someone other than my damn overbearing mother and abu-" He quickly looked at me.
What? Abu- what?
He let out a sigh and looked back into the empty space of his room, "Her quirk- My quirk made it hard for me... You know that awkward stage in life around 4-10 when no one knows how to control their quirks because they're just getting used to them?"
"Yeah..." I said softly. I don't remember much about how to use my quirk but I could remember the stage where my pheromones were going off like crazy.. It put me in a lot of danger when I was walking home.
"A Lot of the time when I was talking.... I didn't know how to separate my quirk from my actual speech." Shinsou let out a soft laugh, "I winded up hypnotizing my preschool teacher while asking for a pair of scissors. I clapped my hand over my mouth so fast... I wound up busting my lip. I got put in the corner so fast for such a little mistake... I was deemed a trouble maker, before I could even count to 100."
I began to frown.
"Then.... Then I'd accidentally do it to my parents. My mother was understanding because she had the same struggle growing up. My father.... Not so much." he took in a breath his brows scrunching up at the same time, "There was one time.... I was helping my mom prepare a cake. My dad had just got off of work, I guess he was tired.... I asked him to pass me a whisk after he said 'hello' to us. He went to get it but once he handed it to me he snapped out of whatever daze I put him in... I didn't know I activated my quirk, I had to be nine at the time."
He laughed softly, "Getting punched in the face by a grown man was no joke, Full force at that. I think I immediately began spewing my guts out into the floor."
My eyes began to water, Abusive his father was abusive. My ears were getting hot as he continued.
"Yeah.... My father didn't really trust me after that. Even worse, he was a doctor. I'd just get patched up right after, no apology, just a pitiful look from my mother and a pat on the head. My dad would say things... a lot of things..."
" 'That boy is too soft, He's slowly choosing piano over sports 'you think that's gonna get him a wife? You spew this hero bullshit at him... He can't even defend himself to his own father. He's a disgrace to this family.'''
"I never really caught on to why the man hated me so much. I had spent my whole childhood trying to please him but I'd just be met with grunts and hits to the face. He belittled me for half my life.... Once he took me around his guy friends. I thought I was doing so well.... Finally making him proud... he even handed me a beer. Heh, I called out a bet my dad had made with his bar mate during a baseball game. Seems like the bar mate forgot about it by the end of the game, I announced it was a fair game but my dad needed to pay up now, Show proper sportsmanship since that was all he taught me about. I don't think I was ever beaten worse that night."
Shinsou laughed, "Hell I don't even think he waited for us to get to the car before he hit me. And once we got home he dragged me inside by the collar of my shirt. Blood dripping out of my nose -A swollen cheek- And a sprained wrist."
"I could remember my mothers face. She was terrified, Ashamed almost. But yet she did nothing as she watched him grab a roll of duct tape and stick a piece right over my mouth right before throwing me to the floor and kicking me until I blacked out."
He looked over to me. I was hoping- No praying he couldn't see my mortified face. But... He seemed to smile. Right at me like what he just said was nothing more than a walk in the park...
"Y'kno I met this girl once... She was lacking everything you have. But O' God did I believe she was the best thing for me at that time... She was bold. Outspoken. Demanding... She knew my quirk better than I did. But sometimes people come into your life and teach you bad things."
A tear dropped from my eye. I don't know why I was crying like I had gone through it all... We had similar stories but... His wasn't mine... It was selfish of me to cry when he could tell it all with a straight face. He reached up and stroked my cheek softly wiping the tears from my eyes.
"Don't you agree Y/N?"
"Mhmm." Is all I could mutter out while nodding my head. Tears rushed full force into my eyes.
"She's the reason I can't sleep most nights... why I smoke... But there's always a point in your life where you have to learn to cope with the scars people have left you. Suck it up. Be a man. You're grown now... So I don't blame her."
"You should!" I interrupted holding back the bottle of tears wanting to spill. He gently shook his head 'No'. And I hated him for it...
"Around fourteen, I discovered my fathers camera. It was my birthday that day... I could still hear my father screaming my name. Apparently he had found my box of cigarettes..... somethin' stupid. He grabbed me by the collar of my shirt and began punching me over... and over and over and over again. Once he let me go my mother screamed at me, I couldn't take it anymore. So I ran."
"I was a stray for two whole weeks before I walked into the glass doors of a police station. I sat on the floor curled into a ball bandaging from previous weeks falling off me as I desperately clutched an old pack of cigarettes. The first person to acknowledge me was Azawia." He let out a chuckle, "He was lucky I even wanted to speak at that moment. But I did. I wined up telling everything. Y'know he pulled me right up out of sitting position- Of Course I flinched- but once he wrapped his arms around me I just bawled my eyes out. Hopefully you can fill the rest in.."
My lips twisted. Afraid that if I spoke I'd just burst out in tears. So I could do nothing but sniffle and fidget with my fingers.
"M'sorry..." I watched through glossy eyes as he moved his hand to the back of my neck. He leaned down and peppered kisses along my jaw. They calmed me momentarily until I sniffled softly and maneuvered myself onto his lt to straddle him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into his shoulder. Feeling him lazily rub my back distracted me from my tears.
"There's times when I watch you sleep..." he whispered against me. "When I watch you sleep.." He said shakily, "I feel overwhelmed that you exist."
That was it, I began to sob into his shoulder. He patted my back and whispered affirmations to me.
"I get so overwhelmed at night I stay up pacing the room, afraid if I sleep, Or even blink that you'd just disappear. I'd lose you forever... You're a necessity now Y/N, I'd lose my breath if you were gone. If I don't come home to see you smiling up at me- no matter how mad I am at you... to feel alone again.. Isolated."
"I won't leave you." I spoke through sobs, "Toshi-" I choked out, "I'd live for you."