The blaring sound of my alarm wakes me and I quickly shut the sound off not wanting to wake Ryder, but when I turn over to make sure he was still sleeping the memories flood. He isn't here because he spent the night on Dimitri's bus. The tears I thought I had no more off flow from my eyes once more. I allow myself a few minutes to cry and wallow in my self-pity because once I exit my bed I have a job to do. Just because my love life is currently in the pits doesn't mean I get to lounge around in my pajamas all day. As they say in show business the show must go on.
Taking a deep breath I wipe my eyes and plaster a fake smile on my face. Maybe if I fake being happy I will some how convince myself I am. With me new found strength I slide off the bed and stumble into my bathroom. This was not how I planned on starting the first concert of the tour, but sadly I don't have much of a choice.
When I reach the bathroom I stare at myself in the mirror and discover I'm a utter mess. My hair is all over the place and my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying I've been doing. Thankfully makeup will be able to cover how tired and depressed I am. Once again I force a smile, but even I can see the smile doesn't reach my eyes and looks fake as fuck. The spark in my eyes is gone and all I can see is bleakness.
The thought of facing him has my stomach rolling in protest. This is one of the reason I didn't want to get into a relationship with him because our fights not only will cause strain on our romantic relationship, but also our working on. Steel Wolf has to come first, but now I have no clue how to act around him. I fear if I slip completely into my manager hat he will think me cold and unemotional, but I don't feel as though I have much of a choice. I can't slip on the girlfriend hat because not only does Steel Wolf need me to make sure this first show runs smoothly so does Wicked Minion and the rest of the crew.
This is Wicked Minion's first tour. Sure they have done shows here and there especially when they were first trying to get noticed, but a tour is a completely different animal. Much like how a kindergarten teacher is the first teacher kids base on whether or not they will like school I'm Wicked Minions kindergarten teacher. I'm the one who is going to help them either love touring I despise going on tour. Granted there are other factors, but I'm the biggest.
Wicked Minion needs to be on my a-game and not distracted by my personal life. Once the concert is over and we are back on the road I can fall apart and work on figuring out my next step in fixing this divided between Ryder and myself.
Realizing time continues to tick away while I stand here I turn the shower on and before the water has time to warm I'm under the spray. The cold water running over my body motivates me to shower quickly. Once I'm done I quickly dry myself and when I catch my reflection my eyes aren't as red and puffy though the bags are still noticeable.
Checking my watch I have about twenty minutes before I'm suppose to meet with Skylar for a quick meeting before we due on set for the crew meeting. This will be Skylar's first official meeting with the crew. When she helped me out on the last tour I didn't expect her to completely act as my assistant, but now the gloves are off. She's going to do great. The regular crew members already love her and have no problem putting the others in place for being disrespectful towards her.
I'll never forgot how excited my main guys were when I told them Skylar was going to be a regular fixture at the end of the last tour. They too were never a fan of the other assistants I was forced into hiring. The instant they learned the entire moral of the team lifted. This tour was suppose to be one of our best yet, but that was before Adam joined the tour.
Just thinking of his name has my heart sliding up my throat. Having him here is the worse timing possible. Between Adam's unexpectedly joining the tour and Ryder's letter from her father I fear this may all be too much for Ryder. He might even come to the conclusion I'm not worth all the extra drama since he has enough in his plate with his dad trying to get out of prison earlier. Ryder has yet to come to terms with the letter and now he has to deal with Adam.
Can't say I would blame him if he walks away. Maybe I'm not destined to have my happy ending. There was a reason I always put work first and all this brings all those reason to the surface. Life was easier when Ryder and I were only sleeping together. I didn't have to worry about being in a relationship. Didn't have to think how my actions would effect the other person.
I shake my thoughts from my head because I have a job to do and I won't another male threaten all I have worked for. Adam did in the past and now Ryder may do the same. Granted not at all in the same way Adam did, but Ryder may force me to have to leave Steel Wolf though he may not mean too. If we can't be civil to each other then me being here won't be fair to the others. Dimitri, Lucan, Tray and Mason don't deserve to be in the middle of Ryder and me. As much as walking away would pain me the band has to come first.
I file away my thoughts for another day since nothing is decided yet and maybe Ryder and I will be able to working through this road bump. But this will not be the only fight we have how is it fair to the band a voice in my head reminds me. I beat the voice down with a sledge hammer, but my fears are still justified.
As I stand in the bathroom I make a vow not only to myself, but also the band. If at any point I feel as though mine and Ryder's relationship is adding unnecessary stress to the band or causing issues within the band I will walk away from not only him, but the band. A sharp shooting pain stabs my heart causing me to crumble to the floor in my towel. The thought of leaving them cripples me. They are the first group of people to accept me and make me part of their family. Not only will I be out a job, but I would lose my family. Should have thought of all of this before getting involved with Ryder.
Standing from the floor I quickly rush through the rest of my morning routine fighting to block my anxiety from consuming me. I decide on only applying enough make up to hide behind and pulling my still damp hair into a messy bun at the base of my neck. Not my normal, but today I'm just not feeling it. Plus there is nothing in the contract saying I have to dress a certain way.
I go back and forth on jeans or a dress, but after checking the weather and seeing how warm the temperature is suppose to rise I decide on a dress. For some reason I can never bring myself to wear shorts when I'm working back stage. The dress is black coming to midthigh, shorter then a normally wear when working, and formfitting with a stretch wrap. The top is sleeveless and has a slight v neck.
I turn back and forth in the mirror taking in my appearance. Not my best, but I'm also not feeling my best. For a second I debate changing my outfit, but a knock at the front of the bus puts an end to my thoughts. I dash to answer the door praying Ryder will be standing on the other side, but my face plummets when I discover Skylar waiting for me.
She runs her eyes over me in concern and says, "and here I thought you would be excited to see me," while joining me on the bus. Only now do I realize she is holding a coffee drink tray and a brown paper bag.
"Please tell me one of those coffee's for me," I ask her reaching for the coffee gleefully and ignoring her response to my appearance.
She goes to hand me the coffee, but at the last second she hold the cup out of my reach. "Not tell you spill." I go to tell her nothing is wrong, but she cuts me off. "Don't even feed me some bullshit line nothing is wrong. If nothing was wrong than Ryder would not be sleeping on my couch right now." She levels me with her teacher stare the one you remember as a student when you were trying to get away with something, but they knew you were lying.
I slump into the bench surrounding my kitchen table. "Fine," I mutter. Skylar smiles and slides in across from me. She then hands me my coffee. I take a deep breath of the amazing smell and a small drink testing the temperature. "Not much to tell," I explain fiddling with the lid of my cup not wanting to meet her steady gaze.
Skylar leans back in her seat and rest her arms on the table. "Aubree you don't have to go into the fine details of what happened between you and Ryder at the restaurant. I can more then respect you wanting to keep your privacy." Her words trail off.
So I add the missing word for her, "but," I say.
She nods her her head. "But you also can't keep all of this bottled up inside. If not me then talk to Lucan or Dimitri or Mason. Hell even Tray." Skylar reaches across the table and rest her hand on top of mine. "But the best person to talk to is Ryder." I rise my eyes to hers. She's right, but talking to him after last night will be easier said than done.
"How was he," I ask her biting my lip afraid she will say he was fine where as I was falling apart.
She squeeze my hand before answering. "As much as a mess as I'm sure you were last night. Him and Dimitri sat up talking for awhile after we got back. I went to the room to give them some privacy. Not sure what time Dimitri finally came to bed, but I'm sure it was late since the both of them were passed out when I got up. Even with all the accidently noises I was making neither one moved." She then start to mutter to herself why is it when you try to be quite you seem to be the loudest.
"All of this needs to be tabled for now we have a job to do." I remind her. She sighs, but says nothing more. Quickly we finish the breakfast Skylar brought and discuss any last minute worries and concerns. I could tell Skylar wants to pry into my love life, but she controls herself and remains professional.
While Skylar is typing away on her work tablet my phone chimes with an alerting letting me know we have five minutes till the meeting is scheduled to start. I rise from my seat. "Time to head to the crew meeting," I tell her.
"Ready when you are boss," she says with a smile.
We grab our tablets and phones before heading off the bus. Skylar follows me and we head into the hustle and bustle of back stage. When we reach the stage I find the promoted crew members waiting for us and I spring into the meeting.
~*~
Lucky not many problems were reported and for the most part we were on schedule. The problems they were experiencing were nothing out of the norm and the crew was more than capable of handling them without my interference. Currently Skylar was making phone calls to make sure all of our reservation while in New Orleans were confirmed. We were going to spend a few days there before heading to the next tour sight. The small break was scheduled way earlier than I would like, but they were the only dates at the venue they wanted to work with the schedule. So we were stuck.
I was answering a few emails about up coming events and other odds and ends when I heard the bands approaching. Carefully I place my mask into place before turning around to face everyone. When I turn around I notice how both bands are here, but Adam is missing. Seems he still hasn't changed. Adam was always one to show up last minute.
I address the groups making a conscious effort not to look at Ryder because if I did the tears I was fighting back would tumble from my eyes. The need to remain professional continues to drive my actions, but I did feel his gaze on me the entire time. I go through the explications and rules, this was more for Wicked Minion's benefit than Steel Wolf. Tray loudly vocalizes his displeasure of having to stand there and listen. Lucan comes to my rescue by pulling him off to the side to yell at him. When they return Tray stands there sulking, but silent.
As quickly as I can I walk them through how the day should go, as long as nothing pressing happens. I assigned Skylar to focus on Steel Wolf's needs while I'll focus on Wicked Minion. My assignments had nothing to do with wanting to avoid Ryder as much as possible, but more to do with the fact this was Wicked Minions first concert on tour and I wanted to keep a close eye on them. I also didn't want to place that kind of responsibility on Skylar with this being her first tour officially working as my assistant. At least those are the excuses I told myself.
The two bands break to carry out my direction. I follow behind Wicked Minion while the head to the stage. They were scheduled to do sound check first since I had no idea how long they would be and if need be Steel Wolf will be able to rush through theirs. Again as long as nothing major happens.
Before we get to far I hear my name being called and my steps falter when I recognize Ryder's voice. I tell Wicked Minion to continue without me and I'll be there shortly. The shrug their shoulders, but carry on their way saying nothing more. I take a deep breath, square my shoulders and plaster on a fake smile only then do I turn to face Ryder.
He stands in front of me shifting his weight from one foot to the other. The once confident male is no more. Ryder's eyes dart around looking at everything but me. Only when I speak does his eyes drift to me. "What can I help you with Ryder," I ask him using my business tone and tapping my toe.
He runs his eyes over me trying to read my emotions, but I keep my professional mask squarely in place. When he can't get a read on me frustration enters his eyes. "Aubree cut the fucking act."
I tilt my head to the side. "Not sure what you are implying Ryder."
He clenches his jaw and takes a step closer to me. "Don't fucking play with me Aubree. You know exactly what I'm referring too."
"Ryder I'm not sure what you want from me," I tell him honestly rubbing my forehead. "Words were exchanged last night and currently we aren't in the best place, but right now I have to focus on getting through this concert."
He shakes his head and runs his hand though his tussled hair. "So what your telling me is I have Aubree the manager standing in front of me and not Aubree my girlfriend." Hearing him still call me his girlfriend has my heart racing in my chest giving me hope.
But I shoot my emotions down when I notice some of the crew are watching us with curiosity. "Right now yes."
Ryder nods his head and walks away. I remain rooted to the spot watching his retreating back wanting to call out to him to stop and fall into the roll as his girlfriend. My breath gets caught in my throat when stops and turns around to face me.
"Can you please tell Aubree my girlfriend we need to talk after the concert?" I nod my head. He stares at me for a moment as thought he is at war with himself on wither to say something or not. Apparently he decides not to say anything because he turns back around and continues on his way.