No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It ain't working
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy, this is crazy
I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself?
-Miss Lauryn Hill (Ex-Factor)
"Why are we like this?"
Henry glances over at his girlfriend, she was rubbing her bruised knuckles under water. "Like What" Henry asked, he was wrapping his wrist in bandages to cover the scratches. She stared at the running water, gripping her fist a bit tighter. "Don't be stupid" She mutters. "Its my fault for thinking you could change" Jade twists the knobs to turn off the faucet. "What you goin on bout?" Henry stood up, his heart was beating fast. He didn't know what she was gonna say put her mouth. Jade turned to face him, she fucked him up good. He got a few licks in himself, one thing he always avoided was hitting her face. Not unless he wanted to deal with Demetrius again.
She slaps her fist onto the counter, that probably would've made him jump if it caught him off guard. "I'm tired Henry!! Tired! Loving you hurts just as much as the fights do!" She wipes her eyes with her sleeve, she didn't want to cry in front of him again. "No matter how much I think, how much I tell people we're getting better, we end up how we fucking started" Jade's voice was cracking as she vigorously wiped her face with her sleeve. "Jade-" He went over to hold her but she shoved him away roughly. "Don't fucking touch me!" He felt a burst of anger surge through his body, he took a deep breath. "I just..." Jade stepped back, sinking on the floor against the kitchen cabinets. "I'm tired Henry. Mad tired. Loving you is a battle, I ignore too much to convince myself that I'm happy"
"You aren't happy with me?" Henry sat across from her, he was trying to hide his breaking voice but with no success. "Who is Henry? All of the girls you had left you for your friends. I care for you, I love you, I just can't do this fighting shit- Every little argument, me expressing my voice. When are you gonna learn?" Jade looked at him with glossy eyes. "When are you gonna learn that I'm not gonna be who you want me to be?" Henry rubs the back of his neck, his eyes wandering around the room. "I'm not gonna be submissive, I'm not gonna be quiet...not again anyways..." Jade pulls her knees into her chest. "I want this, I do. I want us to be happy, but the question is do you want this?" Henry was avoiding her gaze, it only made her scoff. "Typical. I'm leaving"
"Wait!" Henry grabs her wrist before she could move. "I...I do want this. I really do. It's just" "You can't handle me?" Jade cocks her head to the side. "I'm just not use to-" "People not putting up with your shit?" "...yeah" he trails off, his thumb rubbing her wet sleeve. "I know I'm not perfect, No one is. When I saw you for the first time, I felt intimidated"
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" Jade snatched her wrist back. "Reggie, Patrick, Vic, Ali, Tulip, Lorraine! Hell, even you! I feel like you all have a stereotype of me in your heads! I can never be me! I feel like I have to cater, appease to whatever version of me you think I am!" Jade held her head as she puts her head in her knees.
"And you, you want to show me off so bad. Show all your white friends your black girlfriend, I just don't get it. What do you gain from that?" She turns to look at him. "Am I not human like you? I'm not your fucking property!! Do you realize how much danger that could put me in?!" Henry watched the tears stream down her face. He was at a loss for words. He heard the front door unlock, and on cue jade stood up. "I'm going home. I'll see you tomorrow" Jade left the kitchen, not before shouting for Butch to take her home
Henry stared at the spot she was sitting. His eyes slightly open compared how they were before. She was right, everyone was right. He ran his hands through his hair, a noise of stress leaving his mouth. Her words echoed through his head. The last thing he wanted to do was to put her in danger.