30 weeks pregnant.
It has been two weeks since I left Harry. Saying that I don't miss him would be a lie, I do miss him, a lot but I can't find the strength to forgive him. I don't know if I ever will. I know he won't have a lot of problems finding someone else to be with, he's charming and affectionate, he's every girl dream man. I don't know if he'll want to see his girls or not, I would rather not. He won't be present enough for them to have a true father figure with his job.
I called my parents and Millie to let them know I was ok and that I was in Los Angeles with Kendall a week ago. I don't want Harry to know but knowing Millie she probably told him where I was so that he wouldn't worry. Looking back, I feel guilty for leaving him like that, without letting him explain his version. Kendall has been helping me a lot, she lets me cry and talk to her as much as I need.
Today, we've decided to go out and have dinner at the beach, she knows a good restaurant and she invited some of her friends. I'm getting ready for it. I did some online shopping and I found some cute clothes. The dress I'm wearing tonight is a black body con dress with spaghetti straps. Since I'm incapable of wearing heels with my back hurting so much because of the pregnancy, I bought some platforms flip flops, they're very comfortable. I get out of the bathroom and go into Kendall's bedroom.
She is wearing a blue jumpsuit with white versace heels and a white belt to her waist. Her hair is up in a high ponytail and she accessorized with some gold earrings and a necklace. She's doing her mascara when she sees me from the corner of her eye. " Hey, you ready ?" She says, struggling to put her bracelet by herself. I get up and walk towards her to help her with it.
" I am. You're beautiful by the way. I love your outfit." I take the purse that she gave me and fill it with my phone, my credit card and a chapstick. We walk out of the house and climb into her purple convertible. She starts the engine and we let the music on the radio fill the peaceful sound of the wind.
" You should call Harry." She says bluntly, looking at the road.
" What ? " I furrow my eyebrows and turn to the side to look at her.
"He's not doing great. I've heard he's been drinking a lot.. He isn't forgiving himself. Have you considered the fact that maybe he... he didn't cheat ?"
I let out an audible gasp. " You.. you're on his side ?"
"There are no sides Violet, I'm just trying to help out and to understand the situation." She avoids to look at me in the eyes.
"I don't want to call him." I cross my arms on my chest and take my newly bought phone to show Kendall that this conversation is over. I really love her but this is a decision that I need to do by myself.
Thirty minutes later, we arrive at the beach, Kendall parks the car and we are welcomed by the flashes of paparazzis. I stop my hand from shaking and look at Kendall who is collecting her lipstick and her phone to put them in her bag. Through the windows or the restaurant, I notice that Bella Hadid is already inside with some other people that I don't know. I've met Gigi once at my baby gender reveal party and she was really nice but Bella seems more intimidating for some reason that is unknown to me.
I feel nervous being around that many people that I don't know, with the paparazzis and being in a place so unknown to me. My social anxiety is starting to take over my normal self. I breathe shakily and slowly, closing my burning eyes, holding my tears, and get out of the car. Kendall looks at me and puts her hand on my back, guiding me inside the restaurant. I bet that she can feel my heart beating in my back. The buzzing in my ears make that I can hear her yelling at the paparazzis to stop as she is pushing me inside, hiding my face with her hand.
" Are you ok ?" She puts her hands on my shoulders and wipe a tear falling down my cheeks.
I still struggle to breathe correctly. I shake my head to say no. "I.. need to be.. alo..ne." I go to the closest room that I can find. It's a private party room, I can tell by the chairs and the tables that are inside, they're all decorated with tulle and flowers. It looks like a wedding is supposed to happen here. I lock the door behind me and start walking back and forth, letting out sobs and shaky breaths. I put my hands on each side of my head.
" C'mon. Not now. Don't be such a baby. What would you daughters say ?" I murmur in between my teeth, mentally slapping myself for this moment of weakness that should've never happened. I take my phone and hesitate for a minute before I decide to call the only person who knows about the existence of my panic attacks.
Millie.
I press the call button and put the phone next to my ear. I wait a little, paying that she'll answer, even with the time difference. After two rings, I can hear that she picked up. " Millie ?" I say shakily.
" Violet ? Are you ok ? What's happening ?" I hear Harry's voice on the phone. What is he doing with Millie's phone ?
I continue crying on the phone, struggling to breathe and talk. My whole body is shaking by the loud sobs. His voice was the last and first thing that I wanted to hear. I don't know if it'll help or not. "Ok, hear me out, do this at the same time as me, In..1..2..3..Out..1..2..3. Repeat again." He instructs me rapidly. I do as he says multiple times, listening to his voice carefully.
"Do you feel better ?" He asks calmly, his voice instantly making me feel safe again.
I take a deep breath. "Y..yes. Thanks." I sit in a corner, pulling my knees close to my chest and resting my face on them. I put the phone on speaker and leave it on the floor. I close my eyes and try to imagine the warmth or Harry's arms around me because my body is covered in shivers. I wipe the tears on my cheeks and get back up.
"Violet, are you still here ? " I hear his voice through the phone. I pick it up and put it back to my ear.
"Yes. Thank you again. I.. I need to go." I almost hang up but he speaks up again.
"Wait wait please. Violet please come home. I miss you and.." He takes a pause, probably thinking about what he's going to say.
" I need you." He finally says. I don't reply, not knowing what to say. I don't know what to do anymore, a part of me doesn't want to forgive him, but deep down I know I need to. For the sake of our daughters and for me. I can't keep hiding the fact that I miss him.
With my silence, Harry continues his explanation. "I know you probably don't think this is true, perhaps you've even lost every ounce of trust you had in me but I feel like you need to know the truth. I've never dated her, I've never kissed her. Jeff wanted to protect our daughters from the press which I thought was nice but because of the pregnancy that we don't want to make public,we weren't going out enough. Jeff said that the fans didn't get any content so he decided to create this stunt. I was trapped, I had to do it and I know it was dumb and I never should have done it. I'm so sorry Violet. I don't expect you to forgive me but please, come home so we can talk this through. Please."
I stay quiet for a moment, processing everything he said. " I don't know when I'll come back.. I'm sorry. Goodbye Harry." I hang up before he can say anything else. Someone knocks on the door.
"Hey, Violet. Do you feel better ? The area is clear it's just us now, no more paparazzis." I hear Kendall saying.
I open the door and look at her. " Yeah, I'm fine."
She takes my hand. "This was a panic attack right ?" I nod. "This happens to me too. I don't know how you faced it alone, you should have asked me to come with you I could've helped." She hugs me.
"No need too, I wasn't alone. I called Millie, but Harry answered the phone. He helped me, then he explained everything to me and asked me to come home."
"Wow, that's nice of him. What are you going to do ?"
" I don't know, I don't want to talk about it right now. Can we just go, you can introduce me to your friends and we can have a nice evening ?" I smile at her and she nods.
We walk together towards her friends, they don't ask anything as of why I ran to lock myself in a room before. They just smile at me and congratulate me on my pregnancy. I talk with Bella Hadid, and see that she has a lot in common with Kendall and that the two of them are really close. All of the evening, I keep thinking about what Harry said, what I should do. I know I won't be able to travel in a few weeks so if I want to come home, I have to do it quickly. I miss Millie too.
I think I'm going to come home.
Hello everyone ! Hope you like this chapter :) Dolt forget to comment and vote.
All the love, C. X