"Zayn? Zayn mate you ok?" Niall asked , trying his best to gain the younger lads attention.
"Zayn please answer me."
"I-did he really just leave? Like he actually walked away?!" Zayn panicked.
"Shit!"
"Zayn why don't you calm down yeah?" Harry tried to reason. Watching their daughters expression turn sour as she watched her Dede's distress.
"N-no! You don't get to talk! Fuck! This- this is all your fault! Why did you have to go at him! Why couldn't you have just left it alone?!" The distraught teen snapped, turning towards his ex.
"W-what?! You wanted me to just sit back and let him make sly digs for the rest of the night?! No way! Fuck you for even saying that!"
"No! I just want you to be straight with me for once! We keep going in circles constantly! It's not ok! I'm sick of it! Theo and Lennon are stuck in the middle and it's not fair! We need to stop!"
"I'm always straight with you!"
"No you're not! You still love me! I still love you! It's plain to see! God everyone can see it! It's not fair for us to keep so close! It has to stop!"
" What are we stopping exactly Zayn?! What?! Getting along for our daughter? Are we pretending to stop caring for each other! Then what?! End up turning into our parents!" Harry screamed.
The silenced that followed was deafening.
"T-that's not what I meant!" Zayn sobbed.
"I-I can't lose him H, I can't lose him and I can't lose you! I'm never going to win if you keep me so close! I need you to just stop! You're with Lennon! Shit! Lennon! I'm so sorry! It's something I should have said the day I met you and you was dragged into this mess! I'm sorry!"
The blonde only shook her head, her gaze landing on anything that wasn't Zayn or Harry.
"I-I can't." Lennon breathed, her shaky breaths signalling the start of her heart breaking cries. Eyes finally locked on Harry's as she waited for him to deny his feelings for Zayn. "S-so? Do you?"
Harry only nodded his head, knowing exactly what the question she was silently asking was.
"L-Lennon please I'm sorry!" Harry begged.
"Y-you told me you loved me yet, here you are not even denying still being in love with you ex! And you think sorry is enough?! I begged you last summer to be honest with me Harry! I begged you! And you swore there was nothing but brotherly love! I should of trusted my gut, you've never looked at me the way you look at him." Lennon cried , snatching her hand from Harry's desperate grip.
"I-I do love you."
"I know you love me! But you're not in love with me!"
"What difference does it make?" Harry sobbed, hurting Lennon was never his intention.
"All of the difference in the world."
And with that Lennon quickly turned her back to them. Anne rushing after the sobbing girl along side Niall and Perrie. The whole situation had came completely out of nowhere and now people where getting hurt. It needed to stop.
"H-Haz go with her." Zayn whimpered, praying with everything that Harry would listen.
"N-no." Harry shook his head.
"I-I need to be alone."
Zayn just watched him go, turning his head to see
that Theo had already long gone down the road. He was once again alone. Only Louis , Daislee and his mum remained. Daislee crying into Louis' neck as they both tried her best to sooth the two year old.
"B-baby girl, I'm so sorry." He whispered brokenly, reaching out the rub her back only to have her flinch away. He knew why, he'd been in her position. Watching your parents fight was scary.
"Sunshine.. why don't we take a walk." Trisha suggested , tearful eyes looking at her confused and broken son.
"P-please, Lou you ok with her?"
"Of course I am mate, me and Pez have got her don't worry." Louis assured with a sad smile.
"Me and Niall will go find Harry too, don't worry about that either." Liam spoke, walking out of the caravan. Zayn hadn't heard him open the door.
"Lennon's packing so he needs to-well you know."
"T-Theo didn't even pack..." Zayn croaked.
"Let's not worry about that, let's just get you walking clear that brain fog of yours." Trisha instructed.
"I-I've hurt them mum, I never wanted to hurt them."
"I know you didn't baby, come on."
They must have circled the caravan park for 45 minutes. Zayn babbling on and on about how he couldn't do it anymore and he wished he could tell Harry how he felt. The more he babbled the more worked up he got. The more worked up he got, the more he tried to ring Theo. It was was vicious cycle.
"I-I can't figure it out mum... h-he still loves me but he won't be with me. He'd rather us pretend to love others and hurt them than be with me... why?"
"Sometimes honey, people are too scared of love to even try and fight. It's just that- they get so scared of losing it that they'd rather not have it to lose in the first place." His mum spoke softly.
They had taken a seat on bench right next to the mountain foot path.
"B-but I need him mum, I've tried with Theo! I've really tried. I hadn't seen Harry for months so I thought it's fine I don't miss him, I'm over him. But then the summer comes around and once again I'm reminded 'oh shit I still love him' ! Why can't I just let myself move on?! Theo is kind and perfect! I couldn't have asked for anyone better, yet I've lead him on! It's cruel! I don't even know who I am anymore!"
"I think you're in love and hurting. I think you need to write all this down. There was a time where it wasn't just Harry who spent his days singing and writing down lyrics sunshine. Take this as a sign to start up again, turn this pain into a gifted way of telling Harry how you feel?" Trisha suggest.
"You think?"
"I know."
———————————————————————————
"Lennon! Lennon please stop packing and listen to me!" Harry begged, hand grabbing onto hers.
"H-Harry I can't do this ok? Please save me the heartbreak of hearing your breakup speech." The blonde cried , ripping out of his touch.
"I-I don't want you to leave."
"But I can't stay! You don't love me Harry! It's humiliating to sit around here knowing everyone else knows that too!"
Harry's lip trembled slightly as he took in the sight of the girl he cared deeply for. He did this, he hurt her so badly that she was to humiliated to stay.
"I-I'm so sorry."
"I know you are, god I know you're sorry H. I'm just as sorry for not pushing you to admit it last year! I would of saved myself all of this if I had." Lennon sobbed.
"I just - I loved you and I thought maybe a year away from him would change things , especially because he had Theo. I was stupid, I can't force you to love me and I'm sorry for ever thinking I could."
"You're not stupid, I'm stupid! You're perfect Lennon! God we're the celeb it couple! Everyone envy's our relationship, yet I'm willing to throw that all away for someone who isn't even sure he can be with me!"
"He does want to be with you Harry, you really are stupid if you truly believe he doesn't." The blonde whimpered. "C-can you just please help me pack."
"B-but you can stay! Len we don't have to go separate ways! We can be friends yeah? Please I'm begging you! I-if you go and Zayn decides to go after Theo it'll kill me please!" Harry begged.
"Y-you can't have both of us Harry. That's not how this works. I have to go and you have to let me go."
"L-Lennon.."
"Please? Just let me do this, not just for myself but for you too. You deserve to be happy Harry, if Zayn's what makes you happy don't lose it for the sake of keeping me happy." Lennon reasoned.
"It's hard enough for me to walk away knowing how much I love you, how much I need you. So please help me? Please let me go."
Harry knew that he had no choice but to listen to
her. If she wanted to leave then he had to let her leave, forcing her to stay was cruel.
"O-ok."
"Thankyou." She cried softly , leaning in to place a kiss to his cheek. Her suitcase now packed and ready to be closed. "Who knows , maybe in a few months everything will be ok and we can catch up?"
"I'd like that." He breathed, pulling her in for a hug.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I'd be angry if I didn't know just how much you'd be losing by choosing me." Lennon smiled sadly. "I'm just hurt because I love you."
"I do love you , just not in the same way." Harry breathed. "Don't ever think I lied about that."
Lennon was the most selfless person he'd ever met. The man that got to keep her one day was one lucky male. He'd never have to worry with her.
"L-let's get me to the train station ." She said shakily.
———————————————————————————
Zayn spent the night in Louis' car. He didn't want to see anyone or even be in the same building as anyone. He had too much going on in his head. The only thing he knew was that he needed to tell Harry how he felt before he spoke to Theo.
If things with Harry ended properly then maybe he wouldn't have to hurt Theo. Of course he knew that deep down that wasn't what he wanted.
But he'd have no choice but to move on someday if things really did end.
He just had to get the balls to walk in the caravan first. Harry would most definitely be waiting for him if he's going off of Perrie's text. But waiting along side of Harry would be Daislee , he needed to be with his baby girl. So with that in mind he forced himself out of the backseat and into the open.
His words he needed to say all written and thrown into a melody. He may not have sang in years but the feel he had for writing hadn't disappeared.
"Zayn?" Harry's voice croaked as he opened the caravan door.
"Y-yeah it's me." He mumbled , hesitantly turning towards the older lad sat on the couch.
Harry looked just as bad as he did. Bags under his eyes , tear tracks down his cheeks , lips red from where he had obviously been chewing. It was a sad sight to see.
"W-why didn't you come back?"
"I erm, I needed to write something down."
"That took you all night?"
Zayn sighed shakily, finally moving to take a seat next to the distraught lad.
"Near enough, I finished about two hours ago... I just didn't have the balls to come in yet."
"Why? Only me here." Harry said in confusion.
"Where's everyone else?"
"Mums are at Eric's with Daislee... I asked them to take her last night."
"Oh I erm, I wanted to see her." He replied coughing awkwardly. "It's fine though I'll just go over."
"Zayn no, just sit down and talk to me please! I just left my girlfriend of two years to have this conversation so please sit!" Harry snapped.
"S-she left?" Zayn asked in surprise.
"Of course she did! She point blank refused to stay and told me I needed to be with you if that's what made me happy."
"I-I'm sorry Haz. I know you loved her." He whispered.
"See that's the thing , I love her yeah... but I'm not in love with her."
Zayn froze at that, scared eyes locking onto the lad his heart had always yearned for.
"W-what?"
"Z, the past two years all I have done is try and convince myself that the decision I made two years ago was the right one. But I've slowly came to the conclusion that it wasn't ... it wasn't. I've ruined us. I mean anyone can see that right? There's no going back now. Nothing is going to work."
"N-no that's not true." Zayn choked out, his eyes filling with tears. "I-it'll work out."
"How Zayn? You still have a boyfriend! A boyfriend who hates me right now! It'll never work!" Harry cried.
"B-but it will! That's what I'm trying to tell you!"
"What?! What are you trying to tell me?!"
Zayn shook his head , before standing up and storming into the bedroom which he knew contained Harry's guitar. If he was going to do this , this way. There was no better time or place.
"J-just listen ok? You can speak after."
"I-I what? Zayn why do you need my guitar I don't get it." Harry frowned.
"Because i decided instead of just talking I'm going to use the talent that I've kept hidden away for years now. One that only my mum is aware of." Zayn explained locking eyes with him.
"You're not the only one who knows a few melodies."
Harry's lips parted in shock, before he slightly nodded his head in approval. "I'll shut up."
Their inner banter had seemed to lift some of the tension finally. The atmosphere was still sad , but it wasn't as angry now.
"G-good." He chuckled , the nerves had set in a little but he knew he had to do this. It was a perfect way.
So he took in one final calming breath before he played the first chord, Harry's eyes watching him intently.
"You only know what you lost
When you try and replace it. Tryin' to find a quick fix 'Cause you can't take the pain in . And every time I close my eyes, to kiss him. Every time I feel his hands on my skin. I, I wish it was you, Being with somebody helps, But if I'm honest with myself.."
The breath he had been holding released along with all of his inner emotion as he hit the chorus. The pain he had felt was pouring out in waves.
"I'll break my heart again....I'll tell him it's the end.
If you change your mind and take me back
For just one day, of what we had
I'll break my heart again..."
Harry could feel the tears pouring from his eyes but he genuinely couldn't find the strength to wipe them away at this point. Zayn's voice was on another level, he could hear how hurt he was , how much every lyric meant. It was enough to move anyone.
"He shows me how he feels
But I just can't feel the same
'Cause all he's ever been is a body to fill the spaces..
Can't tell him he's the wrong man at the right time
Better that I keep my feelings inside
I, I wish it was you....
Being with somebody helps
But if I'm honest with myself
I'll break my heart again
Until you miss the end
If you change your mind
And take me back
For just one day, oh, all we had
I'll break my heart again..."
Finishing the song felt like a weight lifted from his chest. Everything he had wanted to say for the past two years was finally out in the open. He could breathe again without the dull pressure that laid over his heart and lungs constricting him.
"Z-Zayn." Harry whimpered, falling to his knees in front of the younger lad.
"So? What will it be? Am I breaking my heart again?"
———————————————————————————
It's safe to say their last two weeks away where nothing but awkward bump ins and silent agreements. After their talk they had decided it was best that they wait until things with Theo and Zayn where resolved. Harry didn't want him to rush into things and later regret not talking to Theo . Zayn knew he had a point so he agreed and they went on with things. They made sure that their time together only involved Daislee, they didn't need to be alone , alone until they decide what they want.
Even poor little Milo's birthday had been a scene of barely made eye contact and hummed responses. Zayn had hoped they'd done a good job at smoothing things over with Niall and Liam after it. The two had insisted it was fine and that Milo had loved every second of his birthday despite his two godfathers walking on egg shells.
It wasn't great.
"So you two aren't going home together?" Perrie asked in confusion.
"Nope, he has to do an interview with James Corden in London and I need to talk to Theo so we decided it was best he go separate." Zayn explained packing up the last of their things.
"Did you at least say goodbye?" She frowned.
"Erm sort of yeah, he came and gave Dais some cuddles and promised to FaceTime when he got there."
"That's not a goodbye lad." Louis interrupted.
"Literally, you two drive me insane." Niall hummed.
"Why couldn't he just come back home with us for an hour at least?"
"H-he has loads to do and I get it. I need to talk to Theo once we're back anyway." Zayn told them.
"He's at your flat?" Liam asked, fastening Milo into his car seat.
"Well it's his flat too so yep."
"Will you need some moral support?" Perrie questioned.
"I don't think so... I mean I know what I'm going to do and it's for the best. I just hope he takes it well."
"You're actually leaving him huh?" Niall sounded surprised.
"I-I have to. Me and Haz we're , well we're not the best when we aren't together let's face it. We love each other and I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else... how could I?" Zayn spoke.
"Fair enough mate, just keep us in the loop yeah? We're here if you need us." Louis smiled.
"I know, now let's go. Daislee will wake up in an hour and I plan on being at least half way home." Zayn snorted.
He only had this one journey to plan what he was
going to say to Theo.
———————————————————————————
"Sunshine, call me please. If you need me to come over I'll come over." Trisha cooed , hugging him and Daislee close as she dropped them off.
"I will mum, but it'll be fine. Tell Eric thanks for taking Niall and Liam for me." He sighed in appreciation.
"He loves helping you out Zayn you know that. You and Daislee our his family too."
"I know."
"Right I'll let you go up, see you later I love you." Trisha called rushing back into her car.
"Love you more mum."
He made sure to wave Daislee's hand as she snuggled sleepily into his neck. Before he turned and walked inside of their flats. Luckily they lived on the first floor so getting everything inside whilst holding Daislee wasn't a huge struggle.
"Home sweet home baby." Zayn cooed as he opened the door.
"T?" Daislee mumbled sleepily.
"I-I don't know if he's here hun."
"I am." Theo's voice spoke, his boyfriend walking into view as he exited their living room
"Haven't moved for three weeks to be honest."
"I wouldn't know. You didn't call or text." Zayn replied placing Daislee down.
"You didn't come after me."
What the hell was Zayn supposed to say to that?!
"Y-you told me not to!"
"I didn't mean it obviously. I've sat around here hoping you'd cut the trip short... I was wrong."
"Daislee baby... why don't you go find Mimi?!" Zayn cooed , distracting his daughter with her favourite teddy bear.
"Mimi!" She squealed rushing off down the hall. Much to Zayn's relief , she didn't need to see them fight again. Last time was more than enough.
"No Harry then?" Theo spoke snapping him from his thoughts.
"No... he has an interview."
"Oh right. Thought he'd be here to help you with your big breakup speech."
"Don't be like that T please." Zayn begged.
"I-I'm sorry it's just- can I say what I have to say before you go on? You need to hear this." Theo asked of him.
"Erm ok, you want me to come sit with you?"
"Just sit here it's fine." The older lad shrugged nodding at the dining room table.
"You're worrying me..." Zayn trailed off taking his seat.
"I don't mean to , it's just- I haven't been completely honest with you. I can't be angry at you for hiding how you feel about Harry when I've hid something too. It's going to sound so out of blue and like I'm trying to keep you with me but I'm not I-"
"Theo! Stop it ... just take a deep breath ok.. what haven't you told me?" Zayn soothed the nervous lad.
"Have you cheated ? Got a drug addiction? What?"
"No! God no- in fact in some ways I wish it was something like that." Theo exclaimed.
"Then say it T... you look so scared I'm worried."
"I have cancer Zayn."
Wait...
"Y-you what?"
"I've known since last summer...the day we had our date." Theo whimpered.
"A-and you didn't tell me?! Why?! Why would you not tell me?" Zayn said in shock.
"Because I was scared! I was scared you'd run away once you knew how sick I was! I have a year if that Zayn! I- I was just scared you wouldn't want to try."
"You can't die... y-you're supposed to go on and find someone worthy of you. Theo-"
"Zayn I don't have a choice."
Zayn's heart was shattered , he didn't know what to do, how to feel , what to say...
"W-what type?"
"I-it's erm it's stage four lymphoma. Started off just in my liver but now it's in my lungs and my pretty soon it'll be at my spinal cord." Theo explained.
"How didn't I notice." Zayn whispered.
"Trust me Zayn, when I don't want someone to know something I can keep anything hidden. Why do you think I left my job?"
"T-to move here? I mean that's what you told me."
"I lied Z, I-I'm sorry."
"W-what? I-I'm sorry I can't-"
"I don't want you to think I'm telling you this because I want pity I'm not... I just- I don't want to
be alone when it happens Zayn. I don't have anyone anymore. My parents aren't around, my friends are mostly in Wales ... I guess I just wanted to be with you so I had someone." The older lad sniffled.
"Why do I feel that's your way of asking me to stay with you?"
Theo looked up as the tears fell from his eyes.
"B-because it is."
"I-Theo I can't."
"Please ... just until I go ok? One year that's all I'm asking." He begged.
"B-but Harry."
"H-he'd understand right? I mean he'd do the same for Lennon wouldn't he?"
Zayn wasn't too sure about that.
"I-I don't know."
"Please, I don't want die alone Z." Theo cried.
What the fuck was he going to do?!
——————————————————————————-
A/N: Plot Twist? Did you expect that?! I'm praying you didn't ! I've had this book planned for months and was so excited to get to this stage!
I really wanted it to be one of those love stories where it isn't a straight run. I wanted lots of turns and push backs!
So... do you think Theo has the right to ask Zayn to do this for him?
Do you think Zayn will?
What's next for zarry? Will they make it through yet another heartbreaking stop?
Let me know your thoughts!!!!
Stay Safe, Lots of Love -
Cara xx