"Birds born in a cage think flying is an illness."
- Alejandro Jodorowsky
Kate hadn't told Fyodor yet what had happened while on the phone with her mother. She knew she was in no condition to travel but her mother always got what she wanted. Kate had been searching frantically for her phone all day. She finally decided she needed help with this. So, she knocked on Fyodor's study door and waited for an answer. When she heard none, she slowly opened the door into an empty room; Fyodor wasn't there. She thought this was odd but this entire house was his so he could be anywhere realistically. She decided to try his room next.
She had never been to his room; neither inside nor outside. She knew which door was his but she had never needed to go to it before. She was able to hear some walking in his room-- she could hear a lot considering how thin the walls were. She knocked softly, her knuckles caressing the wooden door. She heard no response but the movement ceased. This was strange, she thought.
Despite her very secure location, she still was on edge and produced a knife she had hidden in her pocket. With the knife behind her back, she slowly opened the door. Nobody was visible to her surprise. She walked slowly and quietly, her steps making no noise despite the loose floorboards. The slightest shift in the air told her someone was behind her. She could tell this person was taller than Fyodor but shorter than Ivan. With an unpredictable speed, she turned and shoved her knife into the perpetrator. She made eye contact with his surprised, dilated pupil.
He was a tall man, with pale skin and white hair. His green eyes-- well, eye since one was covered-- was an odd colour that caught Kate's attention. His mouth was ajar out of shock and possibly pain but Kate couldn't be sure. She pushed him with as much strength as she could muster in her sickly form. The man only stumbled in response and she rushed towards the door, her breath quickening. The man was quicker than her, though, and reached it first.
"I must say, I certainly wasn't expecting you to stab me, how interesting." The man hummed in amusement while blocking her exit route.
Her mind raced to analyse the situation and figure a way out. She stared at him silently, her chest rising and falling quickly. The detail that remained stuck in her head was that this man didn't bother speaking in English to her. This meant that despite his premeditation, he knew something about her that she did not openly talk about. He had to have been working with Dostoevsky.
"Why so silent, bunny? Your expression has hardly even changed." He tilted his head curiously as he analysed her.
Fyodor was right about her. This girl held no expression and despite the sickly gloss on the surface of her eyes, they were still dull underneath. She reacted quickly and mechanically, her movements were perfect which was why she was able to wound him. Although that was impressive, there was no passion behind it. Her entire presence was lacking something, just as Dos had said.
"You're going to stay silent? God, you're so boring. How about a quiz; what is my true reason for being here? 1: I am here to steal you away forever. 2: I am here because you need me. 3: I'm here to kill you. Now, which is the answer?" He asked, his eyes darkening.
"Fyodor must have sanctioned this, and since he has taken care of me thus far, the first and the last options are eliminated leaving the second." She responded blankly.
"I am here to help you, although Dostoy isn't entirely aware of anything going on. Now, let's skip all of this boring chatting and head to the good stuff." He laughed, showing off his pearly whites.
Kate was shocked at his statement. Fyodor was aware of it, which had been confirmed earlier on, but he wasn't in on it. This man that stood before her was also friendly enough with Fyodor to have given him a nickname. She was debating whether or not she should fight with this man. If she had her full strength, she wouldn't have questioned it but since she was still recovering, the right course of action was unknown to her.
"Katherine, allow me to let you in on a secret; I'm going to take you away from here and Dos won't be able to stop me nor will he know. Will you come with me willingly or will you remain loyal to a man you don't know?" He asked, tilting his head as he tried to assess her reaction. However, she seemingly had none.
"I can't comprehend what you want me for but I will protect myself accordingly." She answered, raising her chin slightly in determination.
"Shame, I wonder whose words those were; yours or someone else's." He stared at her blank face that held no definable expression.
He had her there though, she had been ordered to protect herself accordingly by the ASAD. If it were up to her, she most likely would have gone with him and allowed herself to be killed with ease. She didn't value her own life and she couldn't understand how people made their own decisions for themselves. So, at his words, Kate's eyes softened slightly. She felt almost transparent under his gaze. How strange that Fyodor and this man had both figured her out so quickly and so well.
When her eyes softened, the man noticed instantly and took advantage of this moment. In one swift movement, she was shrouded in darkness, an abyss of space where she couldn't move at all and felt as though she were floating. She assumed this must have been some sort of special ability that this man had. He had trapped her in some sort of domain away from time. It was the only thing that made sense to her. She hadn't even seen him use this ability of his.
She knew that she was in deep trouble if she didn't find a way out. If she used her ability, it would be catastrophic for her since she was still recovering from her last high number, and a low number would most likely decrease her chance at escape rather than increase it. Her only hope was that he would let her out soon. She couldn't move her body to escape, and she couldn't use her ability so she was trapped indefinitely.
Kate's mind wandered to Fyodor. How did he not know that she was going to be taken? That was practically impossible to her since he seemingly knew everything. He was very intelligent and had often planned things out way ahead of time. He was careful and intricate so why would he not be in on this plan to kidnap her? He had betrayed her and she was sure of this. What other option was there?
Kate had wanted to die often-- well, it was more that she had no desire to live. She didn't understand the point of living if it wasn't for others. She was only alive because of the benefits others received. Someone like her who has no will to live has nothing to lose in the very end, which was what made her such a good spy. She was willing to take risks because she was told and she didn't care. The dread and anxiety that filled her stomach would always be ignored because of what she had been told she must do. She must defeat the enemy. She must work hard for them. She must do things she doesn't want to do. She always must do something else. There was always more for her to do.
If she proved herself to the ASAD, they would expect more and more for her. She learned this long ago when she was in school. She constantly met their expectations and more was expected from her. She had to be better and better than what she already was. She was never enough. It was these feelings that had initially caused her to become so hollow. She didn't want to be the best, she didn't want to be better, she simply wanted to be herself... but she didn't know who that was. When one spends so many years of their lives being someone they are not, they become that person and lose who they truly are. Kate Chopin was only someone she had taken the persona of.
Kate had felt an odd jolt before she was ripped away from the dark abyss that she was in. She found herself in a room of light and she clenched her eyes closed as she tried to adjust to the brightness. Her arms were grabbed and fastened somewhere cold but she didn't bother fighting it. She slowly tried to open her eyes again but it was simply too bright for her.
"Apologies, you were kept in the dark for so long." The man laughed at the cleverness of his own joke.
"Allow me to properly introduce myself now that we're finally away from all of that. My name is Nikolai." He said with a voice of false grandeur. He was a performer putting on a show for sure, his tone revealed that to her.
"Why am I here?" She asked, turning her head to find some sort of darkness that wouldn't hurt her eyes.
"I said I wanted to help you, didn't I?" His voice softened.
"Help with what?" She pried.
"With your life, kitten. If there's one thing in this world I hate more than anything else, it's people who aren't free. I want you to be as free as a bird, I want you to be as free as me." He reached for her hair and gently twirled a piece around his finger.
"What makes you think I'm not free?" She asked, slowly opening her eyes to meet his.
"Everything about you. Your choices are based on what you want. I saw your dead eyes, I've seen them in people who have had no desire to live anymore. One gets to this point through a lack of choices for themselves. You feel like a doll, yes? Well, don't be one. Allow me to break the mold and reshape you into something brand new that is free from all other grasps of others. The only true way to fix something is to break it first." He smiled kindly at her. She had never felt such warmth in the face of another. He was so kind despite his slightly threatening words. She wanted to fight him but knew that she couldn't.
"Being free isn't something that I was made for." She shook her head slightly, letting it hang.
"Everyone is destined to be free, some simply cannot make this choice for themselves. I cannot understand what worries you so much about this though. I am telling you that you will be free, like me. We will become free and we will fly together in the sky, nothing holding us back from what we desire. Is that not something that you want?" He asked, his fingertips brushing her cheek gently. His words were certainly seducing her but all those years of brainwashing would not be undone by a simple conversation and Nikolai knew that. He simply wanted her to acknowledge her desire to change.
"I don't have anything I want." She stared blankly as her mind began to shut down. In this state, she would be on autopilot and nothing would be able to help her for at least a few months.
"Yes you do, Katherine! You want to leave here, do you not? You want to return to Dostoy and find out if he betrayed you or not. You want to eat lemon scones in such a large amount that your mother would throw a fit. You want your siblings to acknowledge you the way that they acknowledge each other. You want things, so many things that you don't even realise are real." He grabbed her shoulders and shook her slightly. Tears were running down her face and her eyebrows were upturned slightly due to her being upset.
"You want so many things that you've been unallowed to want. What I want is to help you get these things. I want you to trust me and let me help." His tight grip on her lightened significantly.
"I want to help you, but I can't." She shook her head, her voice filled with emotion.
"Why? Why can't you help me?" He asked, tilting her chin to make her look into his eye.
"I don't know you or what you have planned for me. I have too many people relying on the me that I am right now." She sobbed. He let her chin go and her head fell instantly, her hair hanging in her face. He sighed deeply before he placed his hand on her head and began to massage her scalp as she cried.