"It's not your fault," she shook her head, "It's the thing called expectations. You said you had three expectations from the girl you married. You said I fit all three. Shivaay, I had one expectation from the man I married. And I fear you can't fulfil it."
Shivaay's assumptions solidified hearing Annika's words. She truly lived in the world of Bollywood romance where a boy and a girl were predestined to fall in love. But he didn't want to ridicule her wishes at the moment. He didn't want to force his opinion about the nonexistential concept of love on her They would certainly not work in his favor.
"What if," he paused for a brief second to think of the consequences of his words, "What if you realize that you can live with me without me fulfilling your expectations just how I know I can live happily without you fulfilling any of my expectations?"
"Shivaay, these words are better empty than anything. A child expects his parents will take care of him always, a parent expects children to behave well, be successful and live with them when they grow old, a friend expects companionship, a neighbor expects cordial relationship, a romantic partner expects the other half to keep all their promises. We can't lift the word expectations from any of our relationships. It will forever be there. To make us happy or hurt us. We can't run away from this."
"You are running away," he accused. Annika turned to Shivaay and immediately looked away fearing his piercing gaze. The accusation was bitter. True as well. But she saw no other way to protect herself from breaking more.
"Maybe it is better for both of us."
"It is not good for either of us," he replied confidently.
"How can you say? Twenty years later and you will realize you were better off alone than with me," her insecurities were surging. She feared, almost knew that one point in life he would regret a marriage done for the sake of money. She won't be happy with someone who could never love her either. Money was a matter of time and luck. Relationships were not. That's why money ought not to be mixed with relationships.
"Why did you say yes to this marriage?" he suddenly asked, "If you are so sure that a marriage without love can't survive, then shouldn't have you been waiting for the prince charming?"
Annika nodded without replying. He was right. She couldn't deny that. "There were a lot of things going in the back of my mind then. I won't lie I was emotionally carried away by Papa's words. I never disobeyed him. Never hurt him. I didn't want to do so in this case too. Now I realize, maybe I should have waited. Waited for more to figure out what he was up to. I sort of realize that he wanted me married so I don't have to live alone after him. Loneliness kills. Why did he choose you? I don't know."
Oh I am the youngest successful businessman in the country. Shivaay wanted to boast. Soon he decided it was better to respect Annika's sentiments keeping the conversation serious.
"Do you regret this marriage?" he asked.
Annika stared at him intently. This was the question she had been asking herself. Logically she should. However, her emotions didn't allow her to. This marriage introduced her to the romantic side of love. A side she always wanted to explore. to feel, to live. It would be so unfair if she said she regretted this relationship.
"I am sleepy," she faked a yawn and ran inside the mansion.
Shivaay sat there swinging his legs underwater just like Annika would. Annika had a very easy and innocent demand from marriage. He could say 'I love you' to end the matter once and for all. He didn't want to say something he didn't believe in. With all his money and charms, he didn't know if such a sweet demand could be fulfilled.
***
Annika kept thinking of Shivaay's words all through the following morning especially when she came to the kitchen. She wasn't aware if any ulterior intentions were involved, but their time in the kitchen introduced her to Shivaay as broken as her. He couldn't be pretending. She was experiencing the same and if he pretended she would get to know.
Sweet smile captured her lips as the thought of him being in love with her entered her mind once again. Her brain warned her to not think in that direction but her heart couldn't be stopped. She reflected back on the time when he said he would want to be with her even if she didn't have any of the qualities he wanted in his wife. It screamed love. Love that he wasn't aware. Even she wasn't aware of her love in the beginning. For weeks, for months. Like she needed a heartbreaking push, he needed something similar.
"Hello, hello," rang his voice in her ears. He was inside the kitchen, taking some eggs out, playing with them as if he didn't care they would break to make a mess. She sighed. He wasn't pretending, was he?
"Anda for you?"
"No, I am making—" she looked down to find the paratha she was making just burnt. It was so frustrating. She didn't even need to prepare the dough. It was a frozen piece she had to heat. She couldn't do that even.
"Thanks, Shivaay." For invading her thoughts.
He broke into chuckles. He grabbed a pan and reached beside Annika to turn on the unused stove. Annika inhaled a deep breath. He certainly didn't understand the reason she thanked him. He must have assumed that she was grateful as he would make her breakfast today too.
"Are you in a hurry?" she asked seeing him having his breakfast quickly when other days he kept decorum and style in his mind.
"Yes, I need to finish something by the sixth of next month. We don't have time at all. There are lots of things remaining," Annika could make only half of what he said since his haste was reflected in his style of speaking.
"Is it your father's dream project, I don't know what it is exactly," she asked recalling having heard some employees gossiping outside the meeting room.
"Yes," he agreed, "It is a charity foundation. We are planning to open a foundation under Pinky Oberoi's name through which every year we will take care of the education of at least ten girls who are below the poverty line. Dad wanted it to be under her name. I never got to learn the nature of their marriage, but based on whatever I heard from Dadi and figured out by myself, they cared about each other a lot."
They loved each other. Annika wanted to say. Again, there was no use in talking love to a man who refused to believe it existed. It was heartwarming to hear him talk about his parents. Basically, anything that didn't involve business or their relationship. When he talked about other things in life, she found the bliss to observe having a third-person point of view.
"You hardly talk about them." She remembered the last time he talked about Shakti and Pinky was on her birthday after he literally kidnapped her from the one Rudra had organized. Not that she was complaining.
"I talk about them only when something comes up," he replied.
Annika nodded. She also recalled her dad often but talked only as she deems necessary. Her sadness grew. She didn't recall her mom at all to think of it.
"You don't show it, but you love them a lot," she voiced out a part of him she couldn't understand it worked in her case too. Maybe he loved her in the same manner. He didn't show; he did.
"Maybe I did. They are blood relatives after all," he said. Annika furrowed her eyebrows. No, he didn't love them because they are of his blood. This man had a strange conception of love. And of all things she could do today, explaining love to him was futile.
***
Upon entering the office, Shivaay asked Mishra to fill him in on the details about the performance of a new employee. Dev to be fair. He was still under probation. Shivaay had been too busy in the charity foundation and his personal life that his professional life was ritually affected. Last night gave him some hope. Hope that Annika was almost ready to try. He decided to not push her for some time now. He also hoped he could shift back to focus equally on business.
"Take him in the team of Kiara textiles. Ask Dhara to keep a sharp eye on him and his work. If everything goes well by the end of next month, we will offer him a permanent job." Shivaay replied hearing Dev was doing well and shined among the rest of the interns starting jobs around the same time. Annika had been right in this case too. He nodded to himself. She was right in everything except when it came to their marriage. A habit of hers.
Mishra left and in came Annika. He knew she heard everything by the look on her face. Good. Now she will assume he did so for impressing her.
"You are ready to offer Dev a permanent job?" Annika asked, still a bit shocked.
"Only if he does his job right. And I have people observing him closely so he does his job right," Shivaay corrected her.
"I thought you—"
"I just need my work done," he replied to the unasked question, "I am still the man who isn't very fond of people without naam, khoon, khandan. I am just willing to give Dev a try. And because I haven't seen or heard anything wrong about him, I can't be unfair to him."
Let her think he was doing so to impress her. He didn't really care in this case.
"Are you ready to accept his and Priyanka's love?" Annika asked.
"Let's not go there please." he backed off. He turned to his desktop and began to check some mails. Annika left the cabin. She knew it was the sign that he didn't want to talk. It was reassuring too. He was not doing so to show her or impress her. He was still testing Dev and the latter's capabilities which she thought was fair. She didn't say much. She would rather be shocked if he suddenly declared he didn't have any problem with Dev. He was analyzing Dev's character and when he was done, she hoped he learned that all aren't the same. He could judge but on a case by case basis.
Her heart warmed thinking Dev got this chance because she asked Shivaay to. She recalled when Shivaay trusted her enough to sign on Dev's appointment letter without looking the very first time around. Of course, that didn't end well. It didn't stop her from feeling happy. Those days were one of the best times of their marriage so far. Uh, given they were bound by one issue or the other almost at all times.
She saw Dev working at his small cubicle. He was doing well. Dev's presence in the office openly declared how Shivaay took Annika's words into consideration every time. Shivaay trusted her, cared for her, respected her words. And love came as a complimentary.
Precap: Annika gets hold of some unsigned papers