This was all a lot to take in. If I were to give up being a human and become like him, could I handle that kind of a life? Would I be accepted as one of them?
There was so much I needed to think about and felt like there just wasn't enough time to. I felt as though his future was in my hands. No matter what though, I have to be sure that my final decision is based solely on what is best for me.
Looking at everyone, I suddenly felt nauseous and needed some fresh air as the pressure from their looks got to me. So I excused myself and quickly got up and ran out in the back towards the beginning of the woods. Then I began to cry.
A moment later I felt two familiar strong hands touch my shoulders and I turned around to hold him and cry in his chest.
"I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to be rude. I just, I needed some air." I say the last part as I pull away a little and try to wipe my tears away and sniffle.
"You have nothing to be sorry about Jayne. I know this is a lot for you. I would never want you to feel like you have to ever give something up for me. If you decide that this is not what you want, then I'll understand. I won't love you any less." He reassures me and lifts up my chin to look at him.
"I love you Wade. I love you so much. I'm just...." I struggle to say.
"You're just scared." He finishes it for me.
I then nod in agreement.
"I know that with love there is no hesitation. I never even thought I would ever be loved by anyone. There should be no question in my mind and I should just say, mark me or whatever to make it official and us go on living happily ever after. But I don't know if I can." I start to cry a little more.
There's a silence shared between the both of us and the air is getting heavier every second.
"I just need some time to think about it. Just at least a few days." I tell him.
He smiles at me but I can tell it is a smile that is hiding how he truly feels-worried I will reject him.
"Okay." He says trying to hide the disappointment in his voice.
*************************************
Throughout the next several days, I think things over and over again and every minute I don't make up my mind, is another minute he gets more worried and I do too.
Tomorrow was my birthday and his Aunt invited all of Wade's family to come and celebrate it with a big party she was hosting at the house.
I was flattered and appreciative as it has been a long time since I have had a birthday party for me.
Today, I mustered up enough courage to talk to his Aunt about a few concerns I had and hopefully, she would be able to help give me advice and help me decide once and for all, what I want to do.
I felt bad at first interrupting her as she was planning the party-talking to caterer's and decorators, etc. Yet when I asked to speak with her, she was sweet enough to step away for a few moments and talk.
We headed into her steady where the walls were all shelved with many books, along with a fireplace, furnished with Victorian furniture (including her desk) and paintings.
"Please, take a seat." She gestures with her hand at an armchair across from hers.
"Thanks." I reply as I sit.
"So, what seems to be the problem?!" She asks me with her kind smile.
"I want to start by saying how grateful I am that you are giving me a birthday party and that you've welcomed me into your home. I so want you to know that I love Wade more than anything." I struggle towards the end there trying to hold back the tears.
"Sweetie." She says as I next feel her lean over and take my hand into hers then has me look at her. "I know you're afraid. I understand that all of what you've been through in your life and especially since you have stolen Wade's heart, I know you're terrified." She tells me.
"I am. It's so stupid and pathetic really because I love him more than anything. And I am letting my fear get in the way of my own happiness right now and I don't understand why." I start to cry.
"I do." She tells me.
"Really?" I asked.
"Yes. You see, I once fell in love with a human. We loved each other with a passion. Then one day, it came time for them to make a decision after finding out what I was and they chose to stay with me but, they didn't want to become like me." She stops for a moment and looks as though she is about to cry.
"So we stayed together. They of course, grew older, as humans do-quicker than I. And I was there to watch them take their last breath." She stops for a moment as I too begin to cry some more. "It was the worst pain I had ever felt before and to this day, I have never loved another the same." She finishes.
We both sit there and share a moment of silence.
"Please, Jayne. I didn't tell you all that to fill you up with any doubt or guilt. Whatever you decide, we will not think any different or less of you-not even Wade will." She reassures me with a smile.
I believe her. However, I still am feeling anxious, a little queasy and nervous as all hell because of this decision I need to make soon.
Although I believe her in what she says about them not thinking about me any differently or any less neither, I still wonder about his family. I meet them tomorrow. What if they don't like me?
Either way he needs a decision and form the looks of things, quickly. And I think I have made my final decision. I just hope it is the right one and that it's true what Aunt Elizabeth says, that they will still love me the same, especially his family.
They say that first impressions are everything, I just hope I don't disappoint......
Next chapter will be posted soon! :)