Chapter Twenty Two
I couldn't find a video that sounded normal, so the pitch in the video I linked with the chapter is off, I recommend looking up the original if you haven't already.
Title from somethings gotta give by a All Time Low
Some people find beauty in nature, or music, or women, or poems. There are so many different things people find beauty in, but I find beauty in Jacks smile.
And I don't think anyone else can say the same, because I am the only person who gets to see him generally smile.
I have the incredible honor of seeing his smile, and hearing his laugh.
It's quiet sad that no one else gets to see these things about Jack, but there's something really sweet about how I'm the only one who really knows Jack for who he is.
I am so in love with Jack Barakat.
"You should like.. Not leave" I whined as Jack sat on his bed.
Tomorrow is his last full day, so I was spending all of my time with Jack.
Jack chuckled "you only get out three days after me" he said. I nodded, realizing that our discharge dates were close together.
"You better be waiting for me when I get out" I said jokingly, he nodded his head seriously.
"And we will go to the same school" he added, making me realize that getting out of here was only the beginning of our relationship. We had a much longer time together, we go to the same school now, which means we live around the same area.
When we get out there won't be any rules on touching or what time we go to bed.
We will be free,
But we will be free together.
I want to get out for a real reason now, I am feeling better.
I don't want to get out just so I can just kill myself.
I want to live now, Jack makes me want to live.
"Yeah, and we can go to school and tell everyone that I, Alex Gaskarth, is the lucky bastard that has Jack Barakat as my boyfriend" I said proudly, moving my hand to my chest and tilting my chin up.
Jack chuckled "boyfriend? Yeah, I like that. But really, I'm the lucky one" he smirked. I rolled my eyes at the proud, skunk haired boy and got up from my bed.
"I have to go meet with Dr.Mullins" I said quickly, flashing him a smile and heading for the door.
"Wait!" He called as I got to the door, I quickly turned around to meet his eyes "I love you" he whispered.
I felt my face heat up, I was sure of my face being crimson as Jack giggled.
Jack giggled, how cute.
"I love you" I whispered back before leaving the room, I still wasn't used to the 'I love you' part. I had never really been constantly reminded that someone loved me.
I also haven't ever really been completely sure of someone's love for me.
Things with Jack were so different, we've never even touched each other, we fell in love completely with an emotional bond.
With his I feel like he loves me,
I believe him when he says it.
"Hello Alex! Take a seat" Dr.Mullins said warmly as I walked into his office, I smiled at him before sitting in the left chair I usually sat in.
"How are you today?" He asked kindly.
"Good, really good" I said truthfully. For the first time I am able to say I'm feeling good, without lying about it.
"That's great! Are you excited about getting out soon?" He asked, I instantly nodded, he seemed excited too. I was told that I would have to meet here for group therapy every other week once I was discharged, and I would have to meet personally with Dr.Mullins once a month. Same with Jack.
"I really just want to get out and live, I want to see more of what the world has to offer" I said, making our session slightly cheesy.
Dr.Mullins looked really pleased with my response.
I'm pleased too, I never expected to want to live again.
"Have you felt like hurting yourself at all?" He asked. This one was hard.
Jack has helped so much, but with any addiction the urges aren't going to stop quickly.
I still feel like hurting myself a lot, but Jack is able to distract me most of the time without even trying.
And Jack still feels like skipping meals, but I'm able to distract him from hating himself so much after he eats.
"It's an addiction, so Im still experiencing urges but they're not so intense, they don't happen as much, and I can easily distract myself. I think I'm strong enough to stay away from hurting myself now" I said seriously. Dr.Mullins nodded in understanding.
"Good" he said as he smiled.
"How's Jack doing?" He asked next. At the simple mention of Jack, I felt a smile form on my face.
"He's doing good, he's excited about getting out too" I said, nodding lightly. Dr.Mullins smiled and nodded as he looked down at his clipboard for a few seconds.
"Good.. By any chance, is your relationship with Jack more than just friendly?" He asked. I felt my eyes widen, how am I supposed to answer this? Will he change our rooms or take off points if he knows?
"Uh, w-what makes you think that?" I asked, making it obvious that we were together.
Dr.Mullins chuckled "well, I don't know, you're both homosexuals, you're always together, you help each other a lot. Really, Dr.Grace was the one who gave me the idea" he said, a large smile on his face.
I kept a serious expression and paused as I thought of what to say.
"Alex, it's okay if you're together, we aren't going to do anything" he said, assuring me.
I nodded slowly "yeah. Yeah we're kinda in a thing" I admitted, lying about the 'kinda' part.
We are defiantly in a thing.
Dr.Mullins looked satisfied with my answer.
---
"You and Jack are cute together" Josh said, nodding happily. I could feel my face getting redder.
Ever since about two days ago they've all been teasing me about Jack.
"Please date him!" Josh begged, making Jonny laugh.
"I wouldn't be surprised if they were already together" Jonny said, raising and eyebrow at me, Vic chuckled at his actions.
"That's kinda cute" Vic said, making Josh nod in approval.
"Cute? Meeting your boyfriend in a psychiatric ward?" Jonny laughed, Vic went a little red as Jonny laughed at him.
"I'm kidding, Vic, you know I love you" Jonny said as he stopped laughing.
Now Vic's face was defiantly red.
"You guys would actually look really cute together too" Josh said to Jonny and Vic, I nodded with him in agreement.
You'd think that a tall ginger man and a short Mexican man wouldn't look good together, but Jonny and Vic would actually look good together.
This time both of them were red, Josh and I laughed at them as they continued to grow redder.
We stayed like that until we were called to leave, I ate almost everything but not enough to keep all of my points.
When I shuffled into my room the first thing I noticed was Jack sobbing into his hands.
I instantly became concerned and looked to his nurse for an explanation, she seemed saddened but not panicked. The next thing I noticed was his empty tray.
He ate everything.
She picked up his tray and swiftly walked down the hall with it, I stood in the same place.
"Jack.. it's okay, love" I said gently as I walked a bit closer to him. He didn't stop crying.
A few seconds later Dr.Grace walked in, she looked proud but concerned. She acknowledged me with a warm smile.
"Hey, Jack.. You're doing wonderfully, this is great, it's really great. You're doing so well" she said softly as she sat at the end of his bed, I shuffled to my own bed and carefully watched. When he didn't react to her, she got up and moved to the chair his nurse was usually in, probably watching to make sure he didn't try to throw up.
Eventually Jacks crying subsided and the room was left in a painful silence, he pulled the covers over himself and laid back into the pillow, facing away from me and Dr.Grace.
His body was trembling under the thin salmon blanket.
Eventually Dr.Grace left, leaving me with Jack.
We sat in silence for what felt like forever, eventually I noticed that I had five minutes until closure group, so I got up and walked around to the side Jack was facing. His face was red, his cheeks were tear stained.
I knelt in front of him and looked deeply in his watery eyes, he looked into mine.
"I love you so much more than anyone or anything that has ever existed.. Or ever could have the possibility to exist" I whispered smoothly, causing the corners of his mouth to slightly lift.
"You're so indescribable, no matter how many words I could say of any language, none of them would ever compare to you.. I never even thought perfection was possible before I met you, but now I believe that it's possible to be more than perfect. Because you've proved that to me" I cooed, smiling at him sweetly for a few more seconds before standing up and heading out.
He never made it to closure group, but I didn't see Dr.Grace take points off.
She probably let him by,
He deserved it.