Okay so I just watched cmybyn for like the thousandth time and I wanted to do something like this. Basically it would take forever to write the full thing so I'm going to do the ending.
You have to imagine that everything Elio and Oliver did throughout the film, Harry and Louis did.
If you haven't watched it then don't worry, this one shot is basically just a sad ending to a summer with someone you fell in love with. Does that make sense? Probably not. Anyway enjoy (:
3rd person P.O.V
Harry sat down on the edge of the bed and admired Louis' sleeping figure. He knew that in the next few hours he would be leaving on a train, leaving the person he managed to fall in love with during summer, leaving the person he became attached to way too fast.
The morning sunrise seeped through the open window, reflecting onto Louis' face, shimmers of light glistening over his cheekbones and eyelashes. He looked beautiful.
Harry had to look away from him. He couldn't watch the way Louis' eyelashes fluttered as he dreamed, he couldn't watch the slow rise and fall of his chest knowing soon he would be gone and he might never see it again. See him again.
Louis showed him a type of love he wished to never forget, a type of love he never wants to feel with anyone else. He probably never will. When he was with Louis... feelings and thoughts came easy, he made him feel alive, truly alive.
But he had to leave, his time here was over and he had to get back to reality, where Louis simply could not exist.
~
The blaring horn of the train filled the silence at the station as it pulled to a stop by the platform, the squeaking noise of the brakes filled their ears as they stepped forward.
"Do you have your passport?" Louis called to Harry over the array of loud noises.
Harry turned around to meet Louis' gaze and managed a small nod as he stepped closer, he couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say. It hurt more than he thought it would. He smiled slightly as Louis looked around, trying to avoid his eyes.
They were less than a meter apart now, Louis had finally looked up to look Harry in the eye and now it was almost like a silent conversation. Neither were saying anything, but the look of desperation and sadness in Louis' eyes said enough for them both.
People around them stared to enter the carriages on the train, bodies passing them as Harry eventually stepped forward and pulled Louis into his body. He wrapped his arms around his back and closed his eyes, relishing in the feeling of Louis.
It took a couple of seconds for Louis' arms to wind around Harry's back, but when he did he held on tight. His head was buried in Harry's neck as Harry gripped onto the back of his shirt, it was like they were afraid to let go. Maybe they were.
Harry went to release their hug but Louis' arms reached higher up his back and gripped the back of his shirt, refusing to let go just yet. Harry just smiled and hugged him again, but his smile quickly fell when the feeling of Louis' arms disappeared from around him.
They both stepped apart, Louis looked on the verge of tears, his eyes were glossy and he brought a hand up to his throat and nodded up at Harry before crossing his arms over his chest and looking him straight in the eye.
Louis just made another silent nod as he bit the inside of his cheek, Harry stepped back and picked up his bags from the floor.
He glanced back at Louis once more before walking over to the train and opening up the door to one of the carriages. Louis took small steps forward and watched him set his bags down inside the train.
They locked their gaze on each other as the train conductor strolled in front of Louis and closed the door to Harry's carriage. They were only a door apart but it already felt like miles, soon it would be.
Harry looked away from Louis' slouching figure on the platform, he couldn't bear to look at him as he left, he couldn't even say an actual goodbye.
'Goodbye' felt like they were never going to see each other again, Harry didn't want that to be true, neither did Louis, so instead they said nothing. Hopefully nothing was better than goodbye.
Harry never told Louis that he loved him, but that didn't mean that he didn't. Of course he loved him, deeply in fact. Louis had burrowed his way into Harry's heart in a matter of minutes, and stayed there for the entirety of Harry's time in Italy, even when he gets back to America, Louis will still have large space in his heart, a space that will now be filled with sorrow and pain but most importantly an, unforgettable, and addictive love.
Louis walked a few steps forward as the train left the station, Harry no longer in view. He knew this day was bound to come, he knew Harry couldn't stay with him forever but it didn't mean he couldn't dream.
The feeling that settled in his chest as the train got further away from him was heavy and painful, it felt like it was causing actual damage to him. He had heard the saying 'my heart got ripped in two' but he'd never felt it himself. But this... this was more than just ripped, he felt like his heart had been smashed or beaten or anything that could sum up the torturous feeling he had.
Once the train was gone and the silence returned it felt different, heavier than when Harry was here and they were silent. Maybe because before Harry was still there, he may not have been speaking but Louis knew he was there, now he's not. He's gone.
Louis sat down on one of the benches his hands joined in his lap as he tilted his head back to look at the sky for a minute, breathing deeply, willing himself not to cry.
He fiddled with his hands as he looked around, the sounds of birds and crickets the only other noise he could hear.
He was wearing Harry's shirt, the one he wore when he first arrived in Italy, he had to roll the sleeves up otherwise it was too big. Somehow the feeling of knowing it was Harry's eased something deep inside of Louis. Made him feel calmer.
He eventually picked himself up from the bench and walked over to the telephone box, he put in the coins and dialled his home number.
"Mafalda?" He questioned when he heard the phone get picked up. "Mum?.... yeah it's me." He sighed and listened to his mother's soothing voice. "Yeah, everything is fine. I'm at the station... in Clusone." His voice broke slightly but he managed to cover it up. "Listen, mum, can you..." His voice started to tremble and there's no way he could hide it now. "Can you come get me mum?" He whispered as tears finally started to spill down his rosy cheeks.
~
By the time his mum had arrived Louis' eyes were red-rimmed and he still had tear marks on his cheeks and his eyes were more grey than blue. He got into the car without speaking a word, afraid his voice would give away every feeling he had at the moment. Feelings that were just too vulnerable to share.
His mum didn't try and get him to speak, she just drove with a cigarette in one hand the other on the steering wheel and the wind brushing through her hair.
Louis had his elbow leant on the window and his hand on his forehead, staring off into nothing, too many thoughts were clouding his mind.
His mother looked at him with a sad smile and reached over to stroke her hand through his feathery brown hair while keeping her eyes on the road. The small act caused more tears to form in Louis' aching eyes as he covered his face with his hand when the tears fell.
Once they got home, Louis went straight up to his bedroom that Harry had been sleeping in for the past 6 weeks. He stood in the doorway for a moment, his mind going back to that night. The first night they spent together, how happy he was, how perfect everything seemed and how much he thought it was going to stay like that. Oh, how naive he felt now.
When Louis walked into the study, later that day, his father immediately threw the book he was holding to the side and silently told him to come sit down. Louis did as his father lit up a cigarette and looked over at his son who was looking out the window with an unreadable expression on his face.
"So..." His father started. "Welcome home." He smiled.
"Thanks." Louis mumbled, glancing over at his father briefly.
"Harry enjoy the trip?"
"Yeah." Louis chuckled slightly remembering all the stuff they did in the those three days in Rome together. He couldn't help but smile upon hearing Harry's name. "I think he did."
"You two had a nice friendship." He continued, placing the lit cigarette between his lips as Louis looked over at him.
"Yeah..." Louis mumbled, looking back out the window.
It was silent for a moment before his father spoke again. "You're too smart not to know how rare, how special what you two had was." He spoke as he tapped his cigarette into the ash tray for a second.
"Harry was Harry." Louis said simply. They both chuckled a little.
"Because it was him." His father said. "Because it was me."
"Harry may be very intelligent but-"
"He was more than intelligent." His father cut him off. "What you two had, had everything and nothing to do with intelligence. It was good." Louis looked up to the ceiling taking a deep breath as his dad continued taking. "You're both lucky to have found each other because you too are good..."
Louis breathed out a breath and looked over at his father and whispered, "I think he was better- I think he was better than me." He laid down slightly on the couch and buried his head into the cushions as he took deep breaths, his father put his hand into Louis' hair.
"I bet he'd say the same thing about you."
"Yeah. He'd say the same thing." Louis laughed breathily and sat back up.
His father tapped the cigarette against the ash tray again. "At this moment you may not want to feel anything... maybe you never wanted to feel anything. But feel something you obviously did." He looked over at Louis knowingly. "You had a beautiful friendship. Maybe more than a friendship."
His dad paused for a minute. "In my place, most parents would hope the whole things goes away. Pray their sons land on their feet, but I'm not such a parent." Louis listened to his father, hanging on to every word he said. "We rip out so much of ourselves to be cured of things faster, that we go bankrupt by the age of thirty. And have less to offer each time we start with someone knew." He carried on, speaking slow and soft. "But to make yourself feel nothing, so as not to feel anything. What a waste." He looked down at his cigarette for a few seconds. "Have I spoken out of turn?"
Louis shook his head making his father nod and look away for a moment as if he was thinking.
"I'll say one more thing." His father said, placing the cigarette between his lips again. "I may have come close... but I never had what you two have. Something always held me back... or stood in the way." He paused. "How you live your life is your business. Just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once and before you know it, your heart is worn out. And as for your body, there comes a point when no one looks at it." He paused again. "Right now, there's sorrow, pain. Don't kill it, and with it the joy you felt."
Louis nodded seemingly as tears filled his eyes. "Does mum know?" He whispered.
"I don't think she does." His father whispered back before ruffling Louis' hair slightly.
~
It was now December. Snow was falling peacefully onto the ground creating a layer of white, the lake was frozen and almost looked like something out of a fairytale, the trees had lost their leaves and the sky was an endless grey colour.
It had been months since Louis had last seen Harry, months since he had last heard his voice, months since he had felt the softness of his skin, months since he left.
Louis felt better. It didn't hurt so much anymore, the pain was still there, maybe it will always be there but he could deal with it now. He could live with it.
Louis had his headphones in his ears as he walked through the house, he walked over to where the fireplace was crackling and sat down on the chair with a small smile resting on his lips. He bent his head back to look at his parents in the study, talking and rifling through files and papers.
Suddenly the phone ringing made him jump slightly as he sat up, he quickly got out the chair and pulled his headphones off his head. "I'll get it!" He called to his parents as he walked over to the ringing phone.
He picked it up and answered, "hello?"
"Louis?"
Louis' breath faltered for a moment, it had been so long since he had heard the gruff voice that belonged to Harry. Louis slowly sat down on the chair behind him as he held the phone closer to his ear, hoping he wasn't dreaming. "Hi." He breathed out cheerfully.
"Hey."
"How are you?" Louis asked, a smile on his face.
"I'm good. I'm good. How are you?" Harry replied.
"I'm good." Louis almost sounded relieved as he spoke, like a massive weight that had been crushing him was finally gone.
"How are your parents?"
"They're fine."
"Good."
There was silence for a moment.
"I miss you." Louis eventually said, his voice getting close to a whisper.
"I miss you too." Harry answered a second later. "Very much."
Hearing him talk was warming Louis' heart, like Harry was a flame that was so close to burning him yet so addictive that Louis stayed close and risked getting hurt.
Louis had one hand resting across his body as the other held the phone tightly. It was silent again before Harry continued speaking.
"I have some news."
"News?" Louis questioned, his hand slipping into his trouser pocket. "Oh you're getting married, I suppose." He joked.
"I might be getting married next spring yeah." Harry breathed out as Louis' smile dropped and he bit his lip.
"You never said anything." Was all he could say.
"Been off and on for three years." Harry admitted as Louis tried to think of what he was supposed to say when the person he loved just said they were getting married to someone else.
"That's wonderful news." He decided to say, a hint of sadness was recognisable in his tone.
"Do you mind?" Harry asked.
Louis didn't speak, he just tried to stop the all too familiar feeling of tears filling his eyes. Luckily his parents picked up the phone from the study and started speaking to Harry.
"Harry!" They both said excitedly.
"Hey, hey." Harry chuckled.
"Oh darling when are you coming back?" Louis'
mum asked.
"I wish I was." Was all Harry said.
"You caught us in the process of choosing the new you for next summer." His dad spoke.
"And guess what, he's a she." His mum joined in.
"Oh, no." Harry laughed a little before continuing. "I was thinking of calling to tell you guys I got engaged."
"Oh wonderful!" Louis' parents spoke into the phone. "Congratulations. Congratulations, Harry."
"Thank you. Thank you." Harry repeated slowly.
"Listen we'll leave you... we'll let you speak to Louis." His mum said looking behind her and seeing Louis slumped against the chair the phone pressed to his chest. "Happy Hanukkah!" They said cheerfully, "bye sweetheart."
As soon as his parents hung up the phone they shared a sad look between them with a sigh.
Louis brought the phone back up to his ear as he played with the chord on the telephone. "They know about us." Louis mumbled.
"I figured." Harry said back.
"How?"
"Well, from the way your dad spoke to me." He started. "He made me feel like I was part of the family. Almost like a son-in-law." He sighed. "You're so lucky. My father would have carted me off to a correctional facility."
Louis leant back in the chair and closed his eyes for a minute. "Louis." Louis breathed into the phone, remembering their conversation from their first night together. "Call me by your name and I'll call you by mine." The words Harry spoke echoed through his head like a lingering tattoo. "Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis. Louis." He repeatedly whispered, hoping for a response from Harry who had gone silent.
Suddenly a slow, deep whisper came through the phone. "Harry." Harry sighed. "I remember everything."
A small smile threatened to grace Louis' face at the sound of what Harry said, but it was gone as quick as it came.
The call ended not long after. Louis walked into the dining room where the table was set up nicely, he picked up a gold foil coin and flipped it back onto the table before walking over to the crackling fire once again. He knelt down in front of it as his eyes glossed over and his bottom lip threatened to shake.
Harry was like flames. At first Louis was afraid and he kept away from him, worried, scared, anxious but then the fire just became too enticing, too mesmerising and too beautiful to ignore, so Louis got closer. He was so close to the flame that he almost got burned, but he didn't, instead he was warmed, Harry made his whole body melt, he made Louis feel things he'd never felt before.
And then the flame started to die out, started to disappear, Louis didn't want the flame to go because it was his source of light, Harry was his source of light, so he reached for him and he reached into the flame and got burned, but he kept holding on. He held on tight to the flame even if it hurt because it would hurt more if it died out. But then Louis couldn't hold on and the flame disappeared, leaving Louis alone in the dark with a burn on his skin reminding him of his love. Harry left a burn on Louis, he left memories that felt like they were hurting if he thought about them too hard. He left a permanent scar on Louis, all because Louis didn't want the flame to disappear, but it did. Harry did.
Staring into the lit fireplace, all he could think about was Harry. How he had longed ever since he left to see him again, to hear his voice, to be with him again. He had hoped that one day he would come home and Harry would be there gracing the house with his dimpled smile and warming presence.
It was a fools dream, Louis knew that. But it didn't stop him from wanting it to come true. He breathed out shakily as memories of their summer together flashed through his mind, the lake, Rome, their late nights, their secret. Louis bit his lip before rubbing a hand over his face trying to stop the inevitable that his tears would fall.
He had wanted to hear Harry's voice again for so long, he wanted to hear him whispering in his ear again, he wanted to hear his deep laugh, he wanted to get that feeling of joy and euphoria every time he heard him talk.
And today when the phone rang... even though it was that deep voice that Louis loved and to him had become a soul soothing sound, today it brought his whole world crushing down on top of him.
He hoped by sitting by the fire, the flames, he would feel closer to Harry in some way, closer to the feeling Harry gave him but the more he stared into the flames the more he feels like he's burning.
Harry was getting married.
Harry had left.
Harry was gone.
Harry wasn't his anymore.
Tears rolled down Louis' cheeks as the pain, he had managed to forget for so long, came back but this time it hurt more, he realised how alone he really was in this moment. Harry had become such a big part of his life so fast and now he was struggling to see his life without him in it. It hurt.
And Louis' beautiful blue eyes that once held, love, joy, soul and emotion, now only held a cold and dark feeling that barricaded his feelings away. The feeling of love. The soul-crushing feeling of love. His eyes were grey and losing emotion as he tried to comprehend everything.
Harry had come into Louis' life and then he had left, in reality nothing had changed. The world hadn't changed, Louis hadn't changed. Yet nothing would be the same. Harry had imprinted on Louis' life and now things he did would remind him of Harry. And all he had was just memories and his dreams.
He stared and stared into the fire, but he couldn't see anything anymore.
It was all just. Harry. Harry. Harry.
But except... He didn't have Harry anymore.
~~~~~~~~
I hope that was okay, I actually really enjoyed writing this but falling was playing at one point so.... yeah. I know it's a sad ending but that's how the movie and the book ends so you'll have to go read some Larry fluff to cheer yourselves up :)
Also this update is a day or two early as I was really excited to get this one up, so next update won't be for a little while.
Don't forget to eat and drink something today and I love you <33
He came, he left. Nothing had changed. I had not changed. The world hadn't changed. Yet nothing would be the same. All that remains is dream making and strange remembrance - Call me by your name
If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more - Jane Austen