Kabanata 32 : Trigger
I was still in shock but I managed to keep my calm. I need to save his life so I should do everything I can. That's what I swore, and I should keep my word.
The operation was long and it's been five hours since we started. He's a bit stable now but I can't say that he's not in the critical condition. He still need observation until he regains his consciousness.
Dinala siya sa intensive care unit para mas maobserbahan siya. The emergency ward was now a bit calm when I passed by there. Siguro ay nai-transfer na rin sila sa mga kwarto.
I went to my office and did some reports. Nagpahinga muna ako at 'di kalaunan ay nakatulog ako. The operation was so tiring that I couldn't barely process what happened.
I know that his job is as dangerous as the militaries but I just couldn't help it but to be wo-- Umiling ako at bumalik na sa pagkakaluklok sa desk ko.
I went out and met Dr. Quzion at the hallway.
"Doc," I greeted her and she smiled.
"You look tired, how's the operation?" She asked me, and just smiled weakly.
"It was successful but he's still in not a good condition," she tapped my shoulders as we walked down the hallway.
"My sister's still unconscious, she's also one of those who were rushed here earlier." My eyes widened.
"How is she?" I asked.
"Her condition's fine and I guess she'll be transferred to the camp's hospital once she gains her consciousness." She ordered a coffee and handed it to me. Umupo muna kami sa isang table.
"The one you operated... she's my sister's boyfriend," she said and my mouth went agape.
"Oh my God," I said. That's a tough one, they're both in the field where they could risk their lives.
"Anyways, I'll leave first. I still have rounds." Dr. Quizon said and tapped my shoulder again.
After a minute, I stood up and went to the hospital's garden area. Some patient's were taking a walk there. Naupo lamang ako sa isa sa mga bench doon.
I was there sitting, napagod na rin ako kakaisip sa kung ano-ano. Hindi ko alam kung ano dapatang gawin ko, I feel like I'm an empty shell who's just doing things to make her feel alive.
"Why do I feel lik my life's so messed up," mapait akong ngumiti at uminom sa kapeng hawak ko.
Ilang araw ang nakalipas ay pareho pa rin ang ginagawa ko. I was so drained by doing so many works, attending meetings, checking patients. I went to the ICU to check on Ryland's conditon but still he hasn't regained consciousness. He's in coma for three days.
Walang pagbabago sa condition niya, I was checking his vitals and it's good that it hasn't shown any bad signs.
Pagkalabas ko sa ICU ay nag-vibrate ang cellphone ko. I have an emergency meeting so i walked hurriedly to go to the conference room but I halted when I saw a familiar face.
I haven't seen him for weeks. Saglit na nagtama ang mata namin pero agad akong umiwas ng tingin. Lumipat angtingin ko sa dalawang babaeng kasama niya. The other one is familiar and so I remembered that I met her one time back in college. She's Jac's cousin pero yung isa ang hindi ko kilala. Lumipat uli iyong tingin ko kay Jac dahil nakatitig pa rin siya sa akin.
""Dra. Zarate, the board is waiting for you in the conference room." Naputol ang tingin ko nang magsalita ang nurse na lumapit sa akin. Napatingin ako sa doon sa babaeng hindi pamilyar sa akin bago ako tumalikod at naglakad sa ibang direksiyon.
Hindi ako mapakali habang nasa conference ako. I keep on glancing on my phone, it just doesn't sit right. Something's wrong and I can feel it.
"Dr. Zarate,"
I am gripping on my pen tightly and my forehead creased. I bit my lip and held my head.
"Doctora Zarate," Nagulat ako dahil doon ay napa-angat ako ng tingin.
"Are you all right? Doc?" Magsasalita na sana ako pero nagvibrate yung cellphone ko.
"I'm sorry, I have to leave... Kailangan ako sa ICU," I said and hurriedly picked up my white coat and rushed out the conference room.
Bumagal ang lakad ko nang makita ko sila jac sa labas ng ICU at kausap ang doctor na nag-asikaso muna roon. I saw how Jac hit the wall in frustration, bumilis ang tibok ng puso ko pero nilakasan ko ang loob ko at agad na lumapit roon.
"Dra. Zarate, we couldn't save the patient." It was like a bomb that has exploded right in front of my face.
I gulped and ran inside the ICU. No, I won't let that happen... sinabi ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko hahayaan na mawalan uli si Jac ng taong malapit sa kaniya.
When I entered the ICU, may paisa-isa pang tibok ang kaniyang puso.
"Charge to 200 joules," I said.
"Clear,"
Dalawang beses ko itong ginawa dahil hindi pa rin nagiging stable ang tibok ng puso niya and when I looked at the machine, he's heartbeat was now going to normal. Nakahinga ako ng maluwag.
I looked outside the window and saw the three of them hugging each other. Napangiti ako nang bahagya... You did well, Raszea. After checking his vitals, I went out the room.
"We've check his vital signs and we'll just wait until he wakes up from coma. But all in addition he's stable now." I said said in a formal tone. I went near to the girl that I think it's Ryland's girlfriend, the sister of Dr. Quizon, I tapped her shoulder. Pagkatapos ay lumipat ang tingin ko kay Jac.
He was staring at me. "Thank you for saving my cousin." He said to me, gumaan ang loob ko at tumango.
"We'll monitor him from time to time. Call us if something happens. You're free to go inside now. Excuse me," I said before turning my back on them.
Nasa kalagitnaan ako nang paglalakad nang may tumawag sa pangalan ko. I immediately froze and astounded on the way he called my name.
"Raszea, are you busy? Can we talk?"
I looked back slowly and shookt my head. "I have time," I said and glanced at my watch. Tumango siya, nauna akong naglakad at sinundan naman niya ako. I walked to the garden and he followed me there. Walang masiyadong tao, I sat down the bench but he remained standing in front of me.
"I just like to say thank to you," he said. Feeling uneasy, I stood up to match his eyes even though I should lift my head so I can see his eyes.
"That's my job," I said softly. "And I made a promise to myself," I don't know what got into me but I just want to say it, I don't even know where I got the courage.
"I won't let you lose someone dearly to you, again" Parang mabibingi ako sa lakas ng tibok ng puso ko. His brow creased and his jaw tightened, he sighed deeply.
"You're important to me but why... why did I lose you? Why did you let that happen?" He said pain dripping in his voice and it mirrors in his eyes.
"It's inevitable," I replied and looked away.
"Inevitable? Then how could you say that you won't let me lose someone dearly to me again. When you, yourself, left me. You let me lose someone important to me." I was taken aback because of his words, I didn't know that it would backfire. I guess it's not time for our closure.
"You lost me once and that is enough," I said trying to stop the tears from falling. "Wala naman na tayong babalikan, hindi ba?" The side of his lips rose sarcastically.
"If you have nothing to say, I'll leave now," Bago pa man siya makapagsalita ay naglakad na ako paalis.
***
Hindi pa man ako nakaka-recover sa pag-uusap namin ni Jac nang tumawag sa akin si Dr. Quizon. I needed to check something for her, they're telling that she did a mistake in an operation. It's already almost three but I went to see the patient.
"I'll just prescribe an antibiotic, it's norma--" Natigil ako sa pagsasalita ko nang patayong nagdabog iyong lalaki.
"Another antibiotic? Kung inayos niyo lang sana yung operasiyon hindi nanaman sana kami gagastos!" I know he was being rude but I couldn't do something. Dalawang nurs lang ang kasama ko at pareho ring babae.
"Sir, the operati--" He glared at me and scoffed.
"Just give me the prescription," He said in an annoyed tone. Inabot nung nurse iyong ginawa kong prescription.
Maghapon akong nagkulong sa office dahil doon. I didn't have the appetite to eat but I still have to do rounds later so I decided to go home and take a shower for the meantime. But as I was walking down the hall in the wards I saw Jac approaching with the girl named Rydelle.
"Sana all may girlfriend na ganito magluto. Amoy pa lang mukhang masarap na!" I was close so I heard Jac commented pero natigilan siya nang makita nila ako.
"Hi Doc." Rydelle greeted me so I greeted her back before I excused myself.
"I think she heard what you said." Rinig kong sabi ni Rydelle kay Jac. Nakatalikod na ako sa kanila kaya hindi ko makita ang ekspresiyon ni Jac.
I just took my way out and drove home. Pagkarating ko sa condo ay agad akong naligo. I was staring at the Manila Skyline over my window when my phone beeped.
From: Ate Helsy
I'll be going home this saturday! Sunduin mo ko?
I smiled, I miss Ate Helsy so much. She's in Spain for the meantime tas si Kuya nasa Florida ata ngayon. They're still together and I feel happy for the both of them.
I replied 'okay, see you Ate,' then I went out to grab some early dinner since I have to work all night again. Pagkatapos kong kumain ay dumiretso na ako sa Hospital. It's almost time for my rounds and I had to see Jac again because I think he's still there at his cousin.
I was doing rounds for almost an hour until I reached Ryland's room. I knocked but they seem not to notice it so my nurse just opened the door and to my surprise they look like they're eating.
"Oh you're eating?" I commented. "Babalik na lang ako mamaya para sa rounds, enjoy." I just said pero pinigilan ako ni Shayana.
"Kain tayo Doc," she offered.
"Uh, kumain na kasi ako but thank you. I'll do some rounds pa." I politely said and bowed a bit before leaving them.
I did some rounds with the other patients muna before I returned to Ryland's room. Busy akong nakatingin sa hawak kong patient file so I just opened the door without looking.
I dropped the patient file I'm holding when somebody pulled me and kissed me without saying any words. I hardly pushed the guy, I feel like it triggered all the feelings I don't feel anymore but what's worse is, it triggered me also to slap him. Real hard.