His alarm startles him from the most erotic dream he had in his life. He curses silently, switches the alarm off and rolls in the fluffy, soft bed sheets. He grabs his morning erection over his underwear.
Lennon waltzes into his life just after he has accepted he'll never see him again, and turns everything on its head. His expression of raw hurt and anger keeps playing over and over in his head. Why did he come into his life again?
William rubs his temples as a dull ache starts building inside his skull. God, he looked like a prince, his hair longer than he remembers, his body stance defiant, his gorgeous face, his lips ... fuck... those lips. And now he wakes up with a wild desire for him.
Nina is next to him sound asleep in their bed and he could just roll over and fuck her if he really wanted to. But he knows that really doesn't work anymore. He is quiet as he leaves the room, picks up his gym bag and heads out, deciding to work himself out in order to stop those thoughts coming back. He spends an extra hour in the gym, headphones in, listening to some new artists he is trying to sign. After leaving Broadway and the intense workout regimen he had in New York he made sure to continue with as much physical exercise as his new job allowed. Maybe the real reason is the possibility of going back to the theater one day again, he doesn't know. He enjoys it. Not today apparently.
When he is back in his room in Charlotte's house, Nina is long gone to her filming location. He takes a long, cold shower, and it's invigorating after a good sweat. He goes to the wardrobe to pick up some work clothes for today, absentmindedly going through hangers and drawers until he is frozen in place in front of that piece of clothing that is not his.
He wore it twice in his life; the day after he met Lennon Lewis, when he woke up in his hotel room and then Lennon took him out for the day. Second time was when he and Lennon first fucked and the next day he had to go out for lunch with Nina. Both very memorable days. After that he promised to himself never to wear Lennon's black Adidas hoodie again. So he forgot about it.
But now, standing naked with only a towel around his hips, and exhausted from the gym session and the restless night full of long-haired angel with a devilish smile, the only thing he can do is to bring the only piece of Lennon he has to his face and inhale the sweet, familiar, fruity smell. He is going crazy, it probably doesn't even smell like him after all this time but he can pretend.
God, it takes a supreme effort just not to think of this hoodie hugging Lennon's body. He walks back to bed slowly, his cock already swollen with need, thick and hard and aching for him. He falls down on his front with his face buried in the hoodie. Strained sound escapes his throat as soon as his erection comes in contact with the mattress and he can't help it, he humps the mattress making the towel slip away from his body. It feels so good.
The rough material of the towel rubs against his naked flesh, it almost hurts, but he gently squeezes Lennon's hoodie in his hands, eyes shut, blocking everything except what is in his head.
He is touching his warm skin. He is licking his plump, bottom lip and then sucking it into his mouth. He can hear him, his raspy breathing in the dark. He can see his pleasure. William's chest is silently heaving as he clutches the hoodie and moves it down, between his legs. He is under him. He feels Lennon gripping his upper arms, his fingers digging in, his leg hiked up around his hip. His warmth feels so good. William moans loudly rubbing against the hoodie, rubbing against Lennon. Lennon.
"Lennon."
"Lennon." He kisses his jaw, his throat. "Open your eyes, Lennon, hey... "
He kisses his temple, a shudder running through his spent body. He is sweaty, mouth open, still shaky from the orgasm and then he opens his eyes, locking them on William above him. He looks drunk and dazed and horny. He is a wet dream that became his reality.
"You ok?"
"Mhm. Yeah. Ok," he gasps out.
"You did so well, baby."
William whispers into his ear, then bites his earlobe. "That was pretty intense, wasn't it? Thought you would pass out on me for a moment." William is amused and slightly worried at the same time, and how can he not be, after getting high with Lennon, then fucking him hard and bare against the sofa and making him come from just his cock, he picked him up, took him to bed and just watched in awe how the intensity of that orgasm and overstimulation made Lennon quivering.
"I didn't think it was possible to come like that."
"Well, you sure did. You looked fucking gorgeous." William teases with a small laugh and Lennon's eyes are not moving away from his face.
"I never came like that before. I mean, I topped, all guys seem to enjoy it so I know it's possible just... I've never experienced it."
"No?"
William is curious, Lennon admitted that he bottomed a long time ago, which doesn't necessarily mean he reached orgasm like that. But not to explore his own pleasure? Even William used to own a tiny vibrator he occasionally liked to use when he masturbated, not so much since he was in a long-term relationship, but he was definitely experimenting as a young single man. "You never played with yourself? Never put a finger or a toy down there?"
"No. I had a bad experience my first time, " Lennon keeps tightening and relaxing his grip on William's hip.
"Oh... I'm sorry. We shouldn't be doing this if it's making you uncomfortable Len, we can switch. I promise I'm not strictly a top and..."
"Do I look uncomfortable? I'm mind blown by how good it all feels."
William's mouth is back on his, a bit possessive, a bit controlling, a lot scared. The idea of him being the first one to make Lennon feel like this, experience this, scares him. He likes it too much and he shouldn't. His hand sneaks down and the pad of his finger brushes over Lennon's nipple, and then continues going down his abs, their tongues are moving together in a slow kiss but Lennon grabs his hand.
"Want you to show me how to touch myself." Lennon exhales against his mouth and stares at his face and William doesn't even blink just stares back, both realising that these are the versions of them nobody else gets to see.
"You'll remember me every time you do it in the future, you know that?" William's body on him ensures his thighs stay spread open for him and Lennon whines quietly. He presses a tender kiss to his lips.
"I know..."
Lennon squirms when William collects some of the lube from the bottle and brings it down between his legs. He arches his back bringing their bodies closer when he feels the soft touch of William's fingers on his rim.
"You've been so good for me," William whispers as he pushes one finger inside and Lennon licks his parched lips unconsciously then scrapes his fingertips across William's back. He loves to push his limits, play with him like this, praise him just to see how radiant his face gets after that. "Thank you for letting me be the one you can trust with touching you like this. I promise to always make you feel good. It should always feel good, and whoever made you feel anything less didn't deserve to ever even come close to your body."
Lennon murmurs softly against his lips and squeezes his eyes shut.
"Len. Lenny, look at me, please." Lennon opens his eyes and stares at him with so much passion that William thinks his look will set him on fire. " I need you to tell me to stop if you can't take it at some point, if it's too much. Ok? Just say stop." Lennon nods and lifts his head from the mattress to try to reach William's lips, frantic and desperate. "Wait, maybe stop is not a good idea, you might say it but not mean it, let's, let's use my first name. Yeah?"
"Ok yes, yeah. Gabriel."
"Yes. Just call me Gabriel and I will immediately stop if you don't like it. " he kisses his shoulder and then bites it softly. "But trust me, I'll make sure you like it."
His voice is husky as he reaches for Lennon's right hand that is gripping William's waist. "Give me your hand. Touch your hole, Lennon. Feel how much you opened up for me." he guides Lennon's two fingers near the spot where William's finger is already penetrating him, now missing that spot inside on purpose. "It won't hurt, baby, you're so wet."
Lennon circles his rim shakily, coating his index and middle finger in lube and cum, and then slowly pushes his fingers past the ring of muscles, squeezing them in there together with William's. He whimpers at the stretch and William instantly sits up on his knees to look, completely entranced.
"Jesus fucking..."
William can't believe his eyes as Lennon releases these throaty little moans, and surrenders to the feeling, his own fingers going deeper and deeper inside his warmth.
"I feel so full," he whispers as his fingers pick up William's pace, digging deeper, sliding them against William's, against his own walls.
"God, you look so hot, Lennon. Gonna make yourself come like this, hm, beautiful?" William pulls his fingers out of Lennon and he almost sobs at the loss. "Curl your fingers baby, just like I did."
"Mmm... William, I..." He watches Lennon's stunning, flushed face, teary eyes and grabs his own cock starting to jerk himself off. Then Lennon chokes out a sinful moan out his swollen lips.
"There you go." William watches Lennon crying out and losing himself more and more as he's shifting the tempo from focused exploration to a forceful pace, over and over. "That's it, make yourself come, Lennon." He lowers himself back down, above Lennon's face, so close their lips touch, so close he swallows his breaths and then grabs his cock together in the fist with his own.
"Please... please... fuck. I can't, too much..." he moans and whimpers then he reaches for William's neck, trying to pull him back down, closer to him.
"Do you want to stop?" William's nose nudges his cheek, Lennon quickly shakes his head.
"N-no. More."
"Almost there, baby." He's so so close and Lennon's dick is dripping so much now, maybe he is coming already.
"Ah...William. William," and William wants to die then and there. Lennon is clinging onto him with agony and lust, arching into him, one or two tears escaping his glazed eyes.
"Shhh, I'm here. Yeah, right here. Let go."
Lennon's orgasm is so hard, he can feel his quaking pelvis and shivering muscles. He groans into Lennon's neck where he collapses disoriented after he exploded on top of him. Lennon's own pleasure started his own mind-blowing orgasm, he was so in awe of it, how Lennon's pleasure surged from his body into William's, and then the other way around. He thumbs his tears away gently.
He blinks rapidly trying to adjust to the light of the morning in his room. The black hoodie sticky with his hot cum underneath him where he humped that thing like a teenager.
"Christ... "
He tries to catch his breath, wiggling the hoodie from underneath his crotch. He doesn't remember when was the last time he came this hard by himself, he doesn't think he ever even watched porn more intense than memories of him and Lennon in bed are. This is embarrassing and sick and the worst of it all is that he knows for certain that wanking hasn't moved him from danger to safety. It only dug the hole deeper. He hurriedly gets up, cleans himself and puts the towel and the hoodie in the hamper. He rushes to work praying there will be no more stubborn boners at least not until after he sees Lennon again.
*
Hours pass. He refuses to let Lennon enter his thoughts the whole day at work, he has managed not to think of him once but it's getting increasingly difficult. He would be writing something on his computer or talking to Micah about work and then all of a sudden those crazy beautiful eyes swimming in sadness would cross his mind - he hurt him. Jorja is right.
He wants to feel nothing but every fiber in his body is struggling with the fact that somehow he managed to hurt Lennon. And he is pissed off that his heart is already racing at the thought of seeing him this afternoon.
So William finishes up early and lets Micah know that if he needs him he can call him on his phone or email him. He wasn't focused and couldn't get anything done anyway with his mind somewhere else. Charlotte's and Jack's place in Chalk Farm is the closest he has to home until Nina and him find a house but he still feels like intruding. He was thinking about staying in Four Seasons again but Nina would never accept that and he understands, it's a fair reason. He is trying not to upset her after he cheated on her.
After showering and getting ready he sees Charlotte on the way down to the front room.
"Hey Charlotte, you alright?" He hugs her from behind and kisses the top of her head and she chuckles.
"What are you doing home, Will? I thought you're still at the office."
She turns around and kisses his cheek then moves into the room and sits on the cozy sofa with her laptop on her lap. Her three-floor house is an interior designer's wet dream with warm beige and white tones. She even had Architectural Digest, Elle Decor and British Vogue do photo shoots of her beautiful home.
"I have a tattoo appointment so I finished early." he quickly looks at his phone checking the time. Lennon should be here any minute. He probably didn't want to get his number from Liam, so he's not expecting a text or a call.
"You seem nervous, you know it's not your first tattoo." Charlotte laughs.
"I'm not nervous. I just.. " Charlotte looks up at him and he looks out of the window.
"Erm... nothing, forget it. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that we will move out soon, I feel so bad staying here, you and Jack are probably sick of us and want the house all for yourselves."
"Yeah, actually we're kind of bored of having sex only in the bedroom, we do want to explore other parts of the house but we can't because of you guys."
"Ew. No. Don't want to know that my sister is having sex." William makes a face like he will throw up and Charlotte laughs at that.
"Please Will, we really don't mind. I like having you here, I missed you so much when you were living in the States so you can stay as long as you want. House is big enough anyway. Where's Nina by the way, is she going with you?"
"No, she's at the theatre and then having dinner with her colleagues afterward. A friend is coming to pick me up and then we'll go."
"Oh ok. Just don't worry about staying here please."
"Thanks, you're the best. But Nina is looking at some houses already so it will happen soon I think, just so you know."
Yes, he is getting married and buying a house. Why again is he seeing Lennon? The person he cheated Nina with. Being this much fucked up is a sport William should compete at the Olympics because surely he would be the winner.
"Will, are you sure about marrying Nina?"
Charlotte is dead serious when she asks the question and William looks at her like she knows something that he doesn't because asking that question means there so much more story behind it. He opens his mouth to say something but the sudden loud honk of a car horn scares them both and interrupts the conversation. It must be Lennon and William's confusion with Charlotte's question is substituted with excitement. Charlotte wants to get up to see who it is but William stops her.
"No need to get up, it's probably my friend." Saying the word friend never felt more strange coming out of his mouth.
"Ok. Have fun. Don't faint."
She smiles at him and continues working on her laptop. When William leaves, Charlotte turns around and looks out the window from where she's sitting and sees him walking down the path and the person in the car is someone she thinks she saw on her doorstep a while ago.
"Say my name." William mutters against his throat. He feels every ferocious beat of his heart against his chest.
"William." Lennon says softly. "William. WilliamWilliamWilliam."
William exhales, "That's the one I wanted to hear."
His head is still spinning, eyes in the darkness of Lennon's shoulder, his neck, his hair and the sheets where he buried his head. Just don't say Gabriel, just don't be hurt, just love this as much as I love it, he thinks as Lennon keeps repeating his name as in trance. This is a level of intimacy that he never experienced before. Thought never will. It's overwhelming. He breathes, slow and deep, trying to control the pace of his heart.
William shakes another persistent thought away as the lavender blue 1972. Jaguar S 3 Coupe comes into view. He jumps into the car that waits for him on the curb in front of Charlotte's place, there's Edge of seventeen by Stevie Nicks on the radio and the car smells like a mixture of leather, pine scented car air freshener and bubble gum. He knows he's instantly transported into Lennon's dimension.
"Hello, Gabriel."
William tenses as he hears him say his first name, name he knows William absolutely detests. He just feels him next to him like a force, but doesn't look. He's still trying to figure out where they stand, what they are - what they aren't.