Somewhere between his lips touching mine and his hands caressing my hair, we end up in my bed. I don’t even know how much time passed and I honestly don’t care either. I don’t care about anything as long as I can lay here next to him, feeling his hand in mine, being so close to his lips, so close to his touch that I don’t think I’ll survive if he ever leaves again.
‘I love your freckles.’ He interrupts the silence between us, I learned to love so much. Because our silent moments, didn’t feel quiet at all. It was a special kind of silence. A beautiful kind of silence.
‘My freckles?’ I frown. We’re both lying on the bed, without covers, facing each other.
‘Yes. Your freckles.’ He smiles beautifully. ‘They’re cute.’
‘We’ll you are the first one pointing that out.’
‘I’m glad I did then.’ His voice sounds so relax, so at ease, so wonderful. ‘I think those freckles made me stop Stefan the first time in the café. So they’re pretty special if you ask me.’
‘Oh, is that so?’ I smirk. ‘So if I didn’t have these freckles you would’ve let him shoot me.’
Suddenly his whole expression changes, from a happy face to a very disturbed face. ‘That’s not what I meant.’ He shakes his head in the process. ‘That’s so not what I meant.’
I cannot hide my smile and I don’t even question myself anymore for being so ‘okay’ with this. I don’t even take the effort. But there are some things I need to know in order to continue this. And I’ve been holding it back for such a long time, and now I just don’t feel like doing that anymore.
‘Zayn, I-’
‘I know what you’re going to ask.’ He interrupts me immediately, like he was prepared for this to happen. ‘And I agree with you that you have the right to know now.’
‘But?’ I was also prepared for the 'but' part.
He makes sure to have eye contact before he continues. ‘You need to tell me about yourself as well.’
That’s a fair deal. Easier than I expected it to be.
‘You start.’ I tell him after I gave him an agreeing nod.
He rolls from his side, on his back, leaving my glance. I have the idea he’s not going to look at me until he’s finished. And that only scares me more of how bad this can get.
‘It started when I was around the age of sixteen. You know… All kids get in that phase where they don’t really bother listening to their parents. That’s a natural thing to happen and it happened with me as well. Though I never really had the most supportive family. My mom and dad divorced when I was about eight years old. He left, I never saw him since. My mom stood alone with four children. Me and my three little sisters. They were all a lot younger than me. My mom got depressed and drank a lot, which meant that I had to take care of the girls most of the time. And as a teenage boy, I can tell you, that’s not the thing you want from life.’ He was talking to the ceiling and I kept staring at his blank expression while telling me the story he probably didn’t tell a lot of people. ‘We didn’t have money because my mom used the majority of it to buy alcohol. So I needed to find a way to earn money. I was fifteen when I met Stefan. He was seventeen back then and kind of like an older brother to me. He told me about what he did. Stealing money from cafés and shops here in London. He has a lot of guys working for him. All of them kind of in the same position as me: in need for money. The thing is that he’s able to sell himself so well. He acts like he’s your friend at first. Until you’ve had enough of it, and he doesn’t let you out of his grip. It was a double life for sure. During the day I needed to take care of my sisters and during the night I was stealing money with people I didn’t even know. Until I returned from a job, and the house I live in was empty. My mom left, with my sisters and all our belongings. Until this day I have no idea where they are. My mom and I never got along and I suppose she just didn’t care anymore. She just left and that was probably the hardest time for me. I was seventeen when I completely moved in with Stefan. Because I didn’t have anywhere else to go basically. With Stefan I had money and a bed and someone to talk to. Without him I had nothing.’ I heard him take a deep breath before he continued. I didn’t really know if it was because of emotions or just because he was talking a lot. ‘I was eighteen when Louis joined in. Louis and I clicked immediately. If you really want to know his story, you need to ask him yourself one day, but it’s kind of in the same style as mine. I don’t know what caused us to get along immediately, but we did. And from the day he joined, I kind of started to feel like a person again. As funny as it may sound, I’ve never been that guy who likes to threaten people or walk around with guns under my belt.’
It’s the first time I interrupt him, and although I anticipated not to do that, I kind of can’t hold myself in. ‘Then why do you stay?’ A almost blurt out, because it would only be logical if he left him.
‘Over the years Stefan found a lot of people who do jobs for him. And I don’t even know about how it all works. But from the moment someone falls out, he has someone new. We live in that house with quite a lot of people. I have a room with Louis. Niall’s room is next to ours. And there are three other rooms in the house. It’s a coming and going of people, the last couple of years I stopped paying attention to it to be honest. I’m mostly just with Louis.’
I can hear his voice change whenever he talks about Louis. Although I’ve hated the boy for the last few days more than I ever thought I could hate someone, I kind of started to feel somewhat okay with it again. Just because he made Zayn to the person he probably is now. I’m sure he has something to do with that.
‘And why I stay…’ I hear Zayn continue and I instantly draw my attention back to him. ‘Well… During the years it all got a bit to Stefan’s head. It started, like I said, like a bad older brother. But now he’s practically controlling us with threatening with every single move. Apparently he killed Niall’s brother. There was another guy who stupidly threatened Stefan to go to the police and he was missing a couple of days later. Don’t know where he is. Dead? Arrested? No clue.’
‘But how does he make sure nobody betrays him and tells the police about the house?’
‘Like I said, he’s good with threatening. He scans every person who comes in the house. He knows about your family and from the moment you tell one bad word to the wrong person, he just does something like he did with Niall. In all the years I’ve been with him, we only moved twice. And that’s pretty amazing if you have an idea of how many people actually are involved in this.’ His surprised tone only tells me he’s not even sure himself how it’s possible to not get caught in all those years.
‘And how does he threaten you?’ I ask him.
‘With Louis. Or Lucas. Or just anyone who comes close. That’s why I’ve been trying so hard to avoid this thing we’re having. If he knows about you…’ He stops right there, trying to gather himself and shake the bad thought away before he continues. ‘I can’t have him threatening me with you. That’s why I didn’t show up anymore. That’s why I stopped this. Turns out I’m the worst in stopping something when the heart doesn’t want to.’
The last bit made my heart skip a beat, and I really had to try my best to hide me smile. Because this was definitely not a subject to smile about.
We both stay silent for a while and I scoop a little closer to him so I can lay my head on his chest. Instantly his arm wraps around me and he starts playing with my hair.
It’s good like this. It feels good. I can feel his chest going up and down from his breathing pattern and I hear his heart pound. It’s a nice, comfortable sound.
‘Don’t you feel scared?’ Zayn’s voice suddenly takes me out of my daydream.
I need to take a minute to think about that. I should be scared. That would only be a logic reaction. I should actually just send him away and end this for him, just for my own safety.
But even with those thoughts, my answer is still ‘No…’.
‘You should be.’ He mumbles, with a hint of bitterness leaving his lips.
‘I know I should.’
‘Why aren’t you then?’
I sigh before I answer him.
‘I’m in love with you, Zayn. I don’t want to not see you. I’d rather d-…’
‘No. Don’t finish that.’ He interrupts me.
‘He did it with Niall’s brother.’
‘He won’t do it with you.’ I hear him clench his teeth while saying the words. ‘I won’t let that happen.’
I nod at his words.
‘And I think that’s why I’m not scared.’ I realize out loud. ‘You won’t let it happen. And I trust you.’
Suddenly I get startled by his arms lifting me up and turning me around on him, so I’m able to see his dark eyes. He stares at me for a while before he finally says the thing that’s on the tip of his tongue.
‘I’ve never felt like this before, Evelyn. I’ve been in this situation since I was fifteen. I’ve never got the chance to date. Never met a nice girl. Never even thought I could be in love with someone while doing this. And it scares the fucking crap out of me because I’m taking so many risks being here with you, and you tell me you trust me but I don’t even know if I trust myself.’
‘That’s not true, because you are here.’ I tell him softly but surely. ‘If you didn’t trust yourself you wouldn’t be here.’ I know I’m right in this, and I start to feel even more sure when he doesn’t reply.
I kiss him again. A soft, sweet and delicate kiss on his lips, making it last a couple of seconds longer than I anticipated, but it makes it even more perfect. I run my hands true his dark brown hair and find me a spot in the crook of his neck afterwards.
It’s then when I see the clock on my bedside table, telling me it’s a little over 1 am.
‘Are you staying for the night?’ I ask him softly, hoping for a positive answer.
‘If you’ll have me.’ I hear him answer and it makes me smile instantly.
‘Of course I’ll have you.’
‘Then I’m staying.’
‘Good.’ I whisper, closing my eyes, feeling so happy and content I almost forget all my worries of the past few days.
I feel him kiss my head, clear his throat afterwards and when he speaks I feel like I already know what he’s going to say.
‘Okay. Now it’s time to tell me about you.’
NOTE: More explanations in the next chapter :-) Sorry for the wait. It's the week before holiday starts in my country. And it's busy as hell. :-( Next chapter will (SPOILER ALERT) involve the night of the rob in Liam's café and Evelyn's past. I just wanted to mention this, before you think: WHY THE HECK DON'T THEY TALK ABOUT SHOOTING HARRY STYLES! *angry grunt* >:-(