You're having another dream. You're getting good at distinguishing them between what they are and reality. For example, you know that your dreams contain at least some semblance of your first child that died. There will always be some mention of her or a picture of her that screams, "Don't forget me!!". How could you forget her? She was a big part of your life, and you regret not bringing her into the world every single day.
Another reason why you know this is a dream is because you feel Amara's presence a lot stronger than if you were awake. She is here somewhere, you just don't know where. You have to go looking for her, so you set off throughout your house to do it. Another reason you know this is a dream is because you're in a house much nicer than your dad's and a helluva lot better than the motel rooms you've been holding up in.
You walk up the stairs, and the feeling gets stronger. The baby's room is right by the stairs, and you see a dark figure inside her room. Amara is here, and she is so fond of your daughter. It's like she is obsessed with you having your kid. Maybe that should scare you, but no matter how scared you are of her, there will always be a part of you that tells you she is a safe person.
"Amara, what are you doing?" you ask.
She turns and smiles when she makes eye contact with you. She is holding a wrapped bundle in her arms, and you know it's supposed to represent your daughter that is still in your womb. It's why you can't see her face. You don't know what she is going to look like.
"Put her down, Amara," you growl. Thankfully, she doesn't argue, and she places her back into the crib. "What is it going to take to make you go away and leave me alone?"
"Like it or not, I will always be here. We're connected in ways you don't understand."
"Then make me understand. Why me?"
"You'll understand when I want you to. The time just isn't now. Just know that it's your magic that plays a big part between us."
"Would we still be connected if I weren't a witch?"
"Yes, but not as strong. It's your magic that allows these interactions between us to happen."
A thought suddenly presents itself in your head, and you let out a shaky breath at the thought of it being true.
"Is my daughter going to be a witch, too?"
"Yes," she confirms your thoughts. "She'll get her powers in her own time."
"What does that mean?"
"You tapped into your power when you were twenty-six. It could be different for her. It could be earlier or later. It's whenever she is ready for that kind of responsibility."
"Are you saying that I wasn't responsible before then?"
"I'm saying your body knew it could handle the magic at that time. Everyone is different, Y/N," she sighs.
"What would happen if she didn't have powers, but was still connected to you? Would she be weaker because she wouldn't have magic to help her deal with you?" you ask.
Amara opens her mouth to answer, but she mists away before she has a chance to say anything.
You wake up in the front seat of Dean's car, still reeling from your dream with Amara. If there is any chance at all that she isn't real, and it's just your magic making you see her, then you're going to be pissed. You could think that, but then there are angels and monsters who say that she is real, so you're not sure what to think.
"Are you okay?" Dean asks.
"Yeah," you whisper.
You have to focus on what's important right now, and that is Castiel. If he truly is working with Crowley, then you can't trust him. It sucks that one of your good friends is turning into something you don't recognize, but you have to have facts before you diagnose him with anything.
"Hello, Dean and Y/N," Castiel says from the backseat.
You practically jump out of your own skin from the surprise, but at this point, you've gotten used to it. You remember when he did this when you first met him, and that used to scare the hell out of you. Now, it only makes you jump slightly. Same thing goes for Dean.
"Are you alright?" the angel asks.
"Yeah, we're fine. How are you?"
"Just wanted to check in."
"So, any word on, uh, Satan Jr being alive?"
"I'm... looking, believe me. I just don't understand how Crowley could've tricked me," Castiel sighs.
You know how... if he let him trick him. There must be some reason why he let him live.
"Well, he's a tricky son of a bitch, that's how," you chuckle. "It doesn't matter, but if he is up and kicking, then what does matter is finding him, ripping his head off, and shoving it up his ass."
"What about you? Have you found anything?" he prys.
"No, nothing yet."
"Where's Sam?" the angel notices the lack of the other brother.
"He's keeping busy," Dean answers before you could. "He's tracking a Djinn in Omaha as we speak. In fact, we're heading out there right now to meet up with him."
"Well, I'd come if I could."
"Yeah, no, we get it. No worries. But, Cas, you'll call, right? If you get into real trouble?" Dean asks.
The angel doesn't say anything more than a simple nod to let Dean know he understands him. He disappears a moment later, and it's back to being you and Dean. He should know what you and Amara talked about even if he doesn't believe in her or not.
"You know, I had another dream of Amara," you say shakily.
You're trying really hard not to cry right now. It's not because of Amara or what she said, but it's because your daughter is due in one month, and you still don't know where you and Dean stand.
"Oh yeah? What about?"
"She told me that our daughter is going to be a witch," you clear your throat noisily. "She said that she doesn't know when our daughter will get her powers because it's different for everyone, I guess. It took me until I was twenty-six to discover mine, so hers can be at any age."
"Well, she'll have a great teacher to learn from," he chuckles.
Tears build up in your eyes, and only two of them fall before you sniffle, signaling to Dean that you are crying. He looks over at you when he hears you cry, but you refuse to look at him. You know that if you do, you will break down crying.
"I just want to say something," your voice cracks. "My due date is in a month, and I don't know where we stand or if we will get better, but just know that I'm okay. I'll be fine. We can raise her together because she deserves both of her parents in her life, and I don't want to take that away from her."
You're full-on crying now, and it's the kind of crying that breaks Dean's heart. It's the kind of crying that reminds him of 10 Things I Hate About You when Kat Stratford is crying when she reads her poem in the front of the class, and her poem is clearly about Patrick Verona. He's only reminded of this because he recently watched the movie with you one late night when you couldn't go to sleep. You want to be fine, but he knows you aren't, and that is what breaks his heart.
"I don't want to start anything, but as long as Lisa is in the picture, then we can't be anything more than parents," you take a pause to try and calm yourself, but it doesn't work. "I miss you, Dean, like a lot, but I can't make you choose between Lisa and I--I won't. I just hope you make the right decision here because this is getting to be too damn hard for me."
It's Dean's fault you're feeling this way. Why is he going after a woman he doesn't really know, and leaving the woman he knows like the back of his hand? This has gone on for about a year, and he can't stay silent anymore. He really misses you too, and he thinks it's time to have the talk with Lisa. There is something that is keeping him tied to you, and he needs to man up and do something about it or else you're going to be gone forever.
However, that's the thing... he knows you won;t. He's not being fair to you, and he has to man up before you realize that you don't actually need him in your life. The day you realize that is the day his world will stop.
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It's bad enough that you lied to Castiel about what Sam and Dan are really up to, but it's even worse that you're hiding it from him. Sam and your dad are so hell bent on thinking that Castiel is working with Crowley, and the only way to prove that is to find him. That's what your dad and Sam are really doing. They are interrogating a demon inside his living room about the whereabouts of Crowley. Of course, the demon isn't complying, but that's to be expected.
When you enter your dad's house, you walk right past Dean and into the kitchen. The rest of that car ride was awkward with you crying and sniffling, and him staring at the road in anger. He's angry at himself that you're suffering like this. He never meant to hurt you the way he has. Maybe in the beginning, all he wanted was to hurt you, but now he realizes he's acting like a child. Your feelings are not a chew toy, so he needs to learn to stop chewing. He needs to make a decision, and based on what you said, he needs to make it soon.
"I got to tell you, Redd, for a filthy, lower-than-snake-spit Hellspawn, you seem to have turned yourself into a damn fine hunter. I don't know whether to kill you or kiss you," your dad chuckles.
"Oh, please, kill me," the demon, Redd, rolls his eyes.
"That was you that dug out that nest of vamps back in Swan Valley, wasn't it?"
"That was nice work," Sam compliments.
"Eight of 'em in one go, roped and tied," the demon smirks.
"And then you brought them to Crowley, right?"
"Read the papers, redneck. The king is dead."
Your dad chuckles and tosses some holy water onto the demon's neck, and he hisses in pain as his skin burns.
"Crowley's alive. You prove it just by being you, you poor, dumb jackass. Crowley's alive. His nets are still out. Except now he's using you schmucks to hunt his monsters."
"Up yours," Redd growls.
Your dad doesn't have time for games, so he holds out his hand in which Sam puts Ruby's knife into it. You clear your throat, and Sam looks back to see you and Dean have arrived. He sees the tears stained on your cheek, but he doesn't comment on them. Instead, he just gets right to business as he talks privately in the kitchen.
"So, what'd you tell him?" Sam wonders.
"Nothing, just relax," Dean sighs.
"Redd... where's Crowley?" your dad asks, knowing you and Dean have arrived. Redd doesn't give him any answer, but that's fine with your dad. "No? Nothing? Oh, okay, then. Here, hang on to this for a bit."
Your dad stabs Redd in the lower thigh with Ruby's knife, and the demon screams out in pain. Your dad joins you and the brothers in the kitchen to get the 411 on Castiel and Crowley.
"What's the hubbub?"
"We saw Cas. He popped in on us about two hours back."
"What'd you tell him?"
"Nothing, alright? We told him we were on some shit monster hunt. He doesn't know that we're getting close to Crowley. You know, he's our friend, and we are lying to him through our teeth."
"Dean--"
"You know, he's right. Castiel has sacrificed so much for us, and here you two are blaming him for something that might not even be his fault. Give him the benefit of the doubt!" you back him up.
"He's an angel," your dad sighs.
"He is the Balki Bartokomous of Heaven! He can make a mistake!" Dean exclaims.
"Nobody's saying nothing yet."
"You think that Cas is in with Crowley. Crowley?" Dean scoffs.
"Look, I'm just saying I don't know. Now, look, I hate myself for even thinking it, but I don't know."
"Wouldn't you want someone to believe you were innocent?" you ask the two men.
"Look, guys, he's our friend, too, okay?" Sam starts. "I'd die for him. I would, but... look, I'm praying we're wrong here."
"But if we ain't--if there's a snowball of a snowball's chance here--that means we're dealing with a Superman who's gone dark side. Which means we've got to be cautious, we got to be smart, and maybe stock up on some Kryptonite," your dad spews.
"This makes you Lois Lane," Dean mutters to Sam, and he just rolls his eyes.
"Look, one problem at a time here. We got to find Crowley now before the damn fool cracks open Purgatory."
"Yeah, you're right," you sigh.
Your dad heads back over to the demon to interrogate him further.
"Where's Crowley?"
"Up yours," he growls, and your dad twists the knife deeper into his leg. The demon screams and shakes his head rapidly. "I don't know where Crowley is!"
"Are you sure about that? 'Cause we can twist again all the way to next summer."
Your dad twists the knife again, and the demon physically shakes in his seat.
"Oh, God! I never even met him! I don't deal with Crowley directly!!"
"Well, who do you deal with?" you ask.
"The dispatcher. A demon named Ellsworth," he begs and whimpers.
"Nice doing business with you," you state and leave the room.
Normally, you can deal with demons being tortured and killed, but ever since you got pregnant, you can't. Your thoughts about your daughter, Dean, and the upcoming months is enough to drown out any screaming you hear Redd make. Now that Eve is dead, you have to face the real monster--Crowley.