Armena Riddle-Lestrange
A.N: this chapter is dedicated to Sirius Black
December
Saturday: Day Twenty-Six
I watched as the first snow fell outside of the window. I sat on the quiet bench that I found weeks ago, looking out onto the courtyard. It was quiet here, calm and allowed me to think. It has been almost four weeks since I last spoke to Draco in that clearing, in the forbidden forest. Well not counting our awkward run ins and that fucking stupid Amortentia, but never the less, four whole fucking weeks.
No, the last time I had a true conversation was that day he left me in the woods, alone. The dreams have started again and this time with vengeance. There is no way to block him out, I am tormented by my own memories.
That day in class— that day with Draco, absolutely ruined me. I couldn't even admit to him, let alone myself, what my Amortentia smelt like but I could sense it around me. I could feel the whirls of scent always around me now, like it was stuck in my nose. I wanted to scream and claw at my flesh, but at the same time the smell brought me comfort. The small gave me solace and helped me become stronger while my world around me was crumbling down.
I could never say it out loud though.
"Did you hear about what Lestrange did to Theo?" a group of Gryffindor girls passed by, not noticing me.
Everyone thinks I am insane. I guess I am living up to my name.
"She almost killed him..." one of the girls with jet black hair says to her friend.
"She went absolutely insane in the great hall... Snape had to drag her out."
"Did you hear Headmaster Dumbledore has her locked away in some classroom. She's not allowed to be in classes anymore because all of the teachers think she's going to hurt a student with her outbursts."
The group of girls giggle. I narrow my eyes, glaring at their profiles intently. I would give anything to hex them right now.
"I heard Slytherin doesn't even want her anymore."
"I mean she lost all of her friends, they all think she needs to be locked away in Azkaban just like her crazy mum."
'Hurt Them' the voice screams in my head.
I shake my head violently trying to get out of my thoughts but it's no use. He's invaded my mind again and this time with vengeance. I knock my book out of my hands, watching as it tumbles to the floor with a loud smack on the stone.
"Oh my god" one of them whispers, catching my eye.
They all turn around to face me, a look of terror creeps over their faces. I narrow my eyes at them.
"Boo" I whisper.
They all, quite literally, run away from me. Afraid of what I might do to the. I roll my eyes at their display of fear.
"Weak" I hiss under my breath.
I close my eyes letting my mind wander. I practice the breathing technique that Professor Snape helped me with.
"Professor!" my voice echoed in my head.
I ran into his classroom, not even bothering to knock. I couldn't stand seeing the look on Draco's face in Potions. It ripped my heart into two as I let the floodgates open.
"Professor!"
He appeared at the top of his stairs right in front of his office.
"Miss Lestrange" he hummed.
"I—" I panicked, looking around.
He rushed down the stairs in an instant, his black cloak billowing behind him. He reached forward grabbing my forearms, my knees giving up under me.
"Kill!" the voice screamed in my head.
"I can't... I can't make it stop!" I clawed at my hair, tears pooling down my face.
He lifted me up, trying to shake some sense into me. His hands gripping tightly at my upper arm. His brown eyes met mine as he tried to get inside of my head.
Draco... Amortentia.... Professor Slughorn taking my note.... Theo talking to me.... Seeing Draco's hand.... Tom Riddle.... Draven Nott... Stacks of journals in front of me.... Draco....
"Yes you can!" he hissed, "block it out! The Dark Lord is just an idea in your head. You must take away all emotions, fools wear their hearts on their sleeves!"
"Please... please!" I begged, tears spilling out of my eyes.
I wanted him to take it all away. I wanted to not feel anything like I was feeling now. I wanted to feel numb.
"You have to block him out..."
I shook my head, opening my eyes. My breath had steadied and I let out a long sigh. I collected my textbooks and headed over to walk down the stairs.
"Ah Miss Lestrange..." a voice called.
I whipped around, spotting Professor Slughorn standing at the top of the stairs. I quickly walked back up, greeting him with a forced smile.
"Hello Professor."
"Just the person I was looking for..." he smiled, "I host a little soiree every year, filled with my favorite students. I would absolutely love for you to come and join us!"
"Oh— well, um I would be delighted sir" I said, chewing on my cheek.
I don't even know why I agreed. I truly felt like a robot in my own skin: Yes, No, Please, Thank You. That's all I knew how to react now-a-days.
"It's settled then— oh and feel free to bring a date" he patted me on the shoulder, turning to walk away.
"Thank you!" I called.
"Look for my owl!"
I turned back around, making my way down the grand stairs. I found myself walking right into the great hall. I stopped right at the edge of the vast wooden doors, looking in on the students.
My eyes scan over the crowd looking for my friends. Draco has his arm wrapped around Naomi's shoulder, probably laughing about something that Oliver said. Theo is with them shaking his head at the scene in front of him.
"Your friends don't care about you. They fear you." his voice echoed in my head.
"Get out of my head" I hissed, clenching my fists down at my sides.
"Armena!" Pansy waved at me.
Blaise, Theo, Oliver and Naomi all turned their heads to look at me, waving me over. The only one who didn't was Draco. He kept his head down, staring at his plate before him.
"You fucking disgust me" Draco's words appeared in my memories.
I felt a wave of nausea roll over me. I shook my head, trying to get the dark thoughts out, turning to walk out of the great hall. I walked as fast as I possibly could out of the castle, clutching my books tight to my chest.
"No one will ever love you Armena" Tom Riddle's voice rang in my head.
"You fucking disgust me" Draco echoed.
"She's fucking mad I tell you" Theo's voice laughed.
"You are pathetic" Draven grinned.
"She's a Lestrange... they all go insane eventually."
"We are betting on when you will go insane."
I felt my chest tighten, which only increased my pace even more. I slammed my body against the wooden structure of the covered bridge. I set my books down on the ledge, looking over at the black lake. My hands gripped the wood so tightly that it started to splinter off.
"Are you alright?" a voice called.
I jumped out of my skin, knocking over my advanced potions book into the black water below. I peered over the edge watching as the book made a splash in the dark icy water.
"Fuck" I hissed.
"Sorry, that was my fault" the dark haired boy said.
I placed a hand over my heart, grabbing at my chest.
"Potter— you startled me" I shook my head.
"I was just on my way to Hogsmeade and saw you run out here" he looked at me through his circular glasses, "is everything alright?"
"I'm fine" I muttered, wrapping my thick wool winter cloak around me.
"You don't look fine..."
"Well I am!" I snapped.
We stood there in silence for a few moments, awkwardly looking at each other.
"Well, since I caused you to knock your books out of your hand, do you want to walk with me to Hogsmeade and I'll buy you a new one?" he asked.
"Me?" I looked at him wide eyed, "are you sure you want to walk with a lunatic."
"I heard about your little freak out with Nott, personally I think he deserves it. I never liked that boy."
I shook my head, closing my eyes.
"Armena, listen, I have had my fair share of shit happen at this school. Take it from someone who has been there before, if someone offers you company in a time of loneliness, take it."
I chewed on my lip nervously debating his offer. I had nothing better to do on a Saturday so might as well have some company other than Professor Snape.
I rolled my eyes and start walking towards Hogsmeade. I heard Potter's footsteps run to catch up with me. We walked in silence down the icy path towards the quaint little village. The only sound was the crunch of the frozen ground beneath our boots.
"Haven't seen much of you in class" his kind blue eyes turned to look at me.
"I haven't been... um— feeling well" I muttered.
I looked down at the snow falling on my boots, chewing on my lip nervously.
"Pansy misses you" he said softly, "she wont stop going on and on about how she misses her roommate."
I look up at him, giving him a slight smile.
"I know— I just can't face" I sigh, choosing my words carefully, "I just don't feel like myself and I think it is best for everyone if I just step back. They had their lives before me, they can resume them after me."
He studied me through his circular glasses, clutching his jacket closer to him.
"I know I may be way out of order when I say this, but you are not the bad guy Armena..."
I furrowed my brow, looking at him through the corner of my eye.
"I know you think that because your last name is Riddle or Lestrange that you have to live up to that persona, but you don't. I could have become the most notorious dark wizard or, like the route that I did take, I became the chosen one. Unfortunately there is no option "C" for people like us... but you get the point."
I bit my lip, shaking my head at his words. I couldn't help but like a smile tug at the corners of my lips.
"I don't think I personally have a choice..." I muttered.
"We always have choices you know. My Godfather, Sirius, once told me that the world isn't divided into good people and Death Eaters, there is always a mix of both— we just have to choose."
I thought about his words carefully.
"Sirius, as in Sirius Black?" I pondered out loud.
"Yeah him..."
"Don't you think it's a little... I don't know, morbid for you to give me advice from the person who my mum murdered..."
Harry let out a slight chuckle, shaking his head.
"I guess you have a point, that is a little dark."
"But no, I do understand what you are saying. I know that the world isn't just Death Eaters and people like you, Weasley and Granger. I know there has to be some sort of light at the end of the tunnel but I am a little dark, Potter. I'm not as dark as they come, but I feel like I am getting pretty close."
He let out a long sigh, trying to figure out his next words. I kicked a small rock on the path watching it tumble forward a few steps.
"Look, if I can give you any sort of mental clarity— I would tell you to forgive the person that wronged you and hell if you are the one who fucked up, then offer your apologies and move on. Life is too short to stay mad at the people we care for."