WARNING: This chapter includes topics such as self harm and sexual assault. If those topics are triggering to you, feel free to skip this chapter.
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I watched her hesitate on the fact she had to tell me everything from the beginning, but with a deep breath she surprised me with how open she quickly became.
"I was friends with Sammy since I was around ten maybe even earlier.. but when I turned twelve I began going over there more because it was like and escape from my mom and dads fighting. T-That's how it started.." she trailed off, bringing her hand to her face looking down ashamed. I sighed and got up, making my way over to her and sitting down besides her.
I grabbed her and hugged her, stuffing her into my arms. "What started, Janie?" I looked down at her in question, seeing her gulp before responding.
"Their parents weren't there one day I went over there and it was just Joaquin, he told me they'd be back soon and naive me, went in. I guess I didn't think anything of it at first cause I really trusted him. B-But he forced his hands down my underwear and you get it-," she cut herself off, holding her head as if she had a headache at just talking about it.
Hearing it in details and seeing her hurt and disgusted as if it was her fault is was infuriated me. "How old were you guys?" I asked out, curious, but I was afraid of the answer.
"I was eleven when it started and fourteen when it ended. He was sixteen when it first happened then eighteen when it ended." She confessed.
"That's illegal Janie!" I angrily spat out, wanting revenge on him.
"I know-I already know!" She cried out.
I cupped her cheek in my palm and looked at her with a gentle grin to try and reassure her to let her know I'm not angry at her. I seen her try to give me this small smile to show me that she was okay, put I could see right passed the broken smile as her eyes told me she was anything but fine. The tip of her nose was red and her eyes were watered over.
I caressed her cheek, as she took a deep breath in my hold. I tilted my head, waiting for the rest of the truth, which made her confess out, "he eventually got a girlfriend later on when he was eighteen so he cut it off and my fifteen year old self was really confused and I hate to say it but I was really jealous when I'd see him at Sammy's with his so girlfriend."
"Janie baby.. don't feel guilty that you were jealous when it's entirely his fault for everything that happened. He should've known better," I stared down at her, trying to comfort her with my words.
"Why are you so nice to me over this stuff?" Janie furrowed her eyebrows looking up at me.
"Because I care about you so fucking much that it hurts how much pain you've been put through. So tell me what else did that asshole do to you?" I questioned, trying to keep my cool.
"Nothing.." she trailed off, making me tilt my head at her.
"What about the night of the party? Or that one day I picked you up from Sammy's and your shirt was unbuttoned and your finger was burned?" I asked her, seeing her face drop, shocked at how I remembered that.
"The night of the party, nothing really happened. He just.. well I can't really remember that well now. It's a bit fuzzy."
I looked her in the eyes at her words. Could she be lying? "What about the other time?" I questioned her, my tone more stern than I wish it was.
"He-.. promise me Stephen you don't get angry." She looked to me with concern, grabbing onto my forearm, hoping for some reassurance from me and with how desperate I was to know what this asshole has done, I nodded my head.
"I promise you, Janie."
A subtle relief filled sigh left those little lips of hers before she stared away, her touch dropping from my arm, making me desperately wish for it back. She refused to look me in the eyes when she told me what he's done, like she was ashamed and embarrassed of his actions.
"I wasn't even there to see him, but Sammy wasn't home and he invited me in to wait, so I did and he wanted me to smoke weed with him and I said no, which he got a little angry at. After he ended up smoking, I should've left because I never like how he gets when he's like that, but I thought it would be different like usual. But then he pushed me back into his bed, lifting my skirt up as I began trying to fight him off and tell him not to, but he blamed it on the way I was dressed around him-," she took a deep breath, pausing herself from continuing on.
"I eventually pushed him away before he could do anything more and I ran outside calling you."
I was angry, I couldn't help it. I rolled my sleeves up of my shirt and got up as she stared down at the floor. I leaned down, pulling her legs apart gently as I forced myself in between her thighs, grabbing her face with my hand.
"Look at me." I demanded, making her do as I said, her wide brown eyes staring into mine, making me realize how teary eyed she was.
"It's not your fault, dressing a certain way isn't consent-," I went to go on in a soft, soothing voice, but I was cut off by her immediately beginning to cry.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, trying to wipe them away, but I shook my head and stood up, getting right beside her and grabbing her, forcing her into my lap, her legs under my arms as I cradled her in my arms, her head secured into my chest by my hand.
"Don't be sorry, babygirl." I whispered to her, looking down and picking her chin up to see tears sticking to her pretty little face. I wiped them away with my thumb and looked at her.
"What can I do to make this better?" I asked her, making her look at me as if she was shocked to hear those words.
"Nothing." She shook her head.
"You can't even think of one thing?" I questioned, tilting my head, making her begin to think.
"Just hold me please," she begged out, her eyes still watering which broke my heart. I hated seeing her in pain.
I nodded, "of course I will." I kept my arms tightly wrapped around her, holding her as if she was trying to slip away. She laid her head onto my shoulder, her face resting near my neck, making me look down and smile at her softly, admiring the fact she was in my arms willingly. Even though I hated the circumstances it was under.
She sniffled, built up tears falling from those precious eyes of hers. "Baby," I wiped those tears of hers away, seeing more being held back.
"Cry."
"Let it out." I demanded.
I watched her refuse to do what I said and go to stare ahead at the dinning table instead. She tried to stay strong, I could see it on her face, it was rough. I felt her take a shaky deep breath in my hold, showing me she was on her last straw. Anything would set her off and I wanted it to, she needed to let it out more than she knows. It would help.
Like a detox for her mind, she needed to release all that built up guilt out and that hurt, before she could could be sober from those feelings. I began brainstorming of a way to help, only for her to get up from my lap. I snapped my head up to her, seeing her walk over to the window showing out my backyard, her arms crossed over her chest, her body language showing she was crying with each breath I seen her make through her thin layered shirt.
I got up, keeping my black long sleeve pushed up and made my way into my bedroom, turning my lamp on beside the bed and pulled my covers back. I made sure the dim room was comfortable for her, before I stormed back into the living room, making my way up behind her at the window and grabbed her hand, surprising her, but before she could refuse, I pulled her with me into my bedroom.
I turned my closet light on, her hand falling from mine as I grabbed an oversized long sleeve shirt of mine.
"W-What are y-you doing?" She stuttered out in confusion at my actions as I turned around to face her with a shirt in my hands.
"What's it look like, Adair?" I hung the shirt over my arm as I bent down, undoing the little drawstring of her pants.
"H-Hey!" She stammered out, trying to pull my hands away, making me look up at her from below.
"I'm just getting you in pajamas. Nothing I haven't seen before, Jane." I spoke out, rubbing the back of her bare leg as her pants were set to the side.
I got up and took her shirt off, pulling it over her head before she quickly went to cover her bare breasts from me. I stared at a cut below her breasts, in between her rib cage.
"Is that from..?" I trailed off, making her ashamedly look away and nod, making me rub my temples, stressed out. With my doings I seen her look down sadly, her eyes watering up again.
Fuck. I hated it.
I put her shirt on her, hearing her begin to cry with her head in her shirt. I quickly pulled it over her head to look at her with worry and forced her arms through the huge sleeves, seeing the shirt reaching her thighs. I grabbed her other clothes and grabbed her hand, taking her with me out of the closet and into my bedroom, setting her clothes aside, not caring where they went as I just needed to comfort her right now. That was the most important thing.
I pulled her with me into the bed, sitting against the bed frame with her in my arms. Her in my lap with her legs hanging over mine as I held her close to me in bridal style in bed. She sobbed into my shirt, making me run my fingers through her hair, rushing my hand over her cheeks, trying to comfort her in the only way I knew how.
The entire night I spend comforting her in my arms as she finally let it out, sobs and deep, hyperventilating breaths leaving her lips and tears constantly rushing from her eyes with sniffles.
Eventually she fell asleep in my arms, her head resting on my chest. I sighed at the sight of her flushed face, along with that red nose and bloodshot eyes from the crying so long. I laid down, keeping her in my arms as I pulled the covers up over us. I cupped her cheek into my hand, slowly caressing my thumb across her face. It was hard to not just want to go get up and kick Joaquin's ass after all this he's caused her.
But instead I took a deep breath, trying to refrain from doing so, since I knew if I did she'd be angry at me and most likely not talk to me again, which I couldn't have her doing right now with everything going on. It was so tempting though just laying in this bed, thinking on it. I laid my head back, staring at her rosy cheeks from the long crying and frowned.
I heard a phone ring, snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked around before I seen the sight of her phone in on the bed stand. I leaned over and grabbed it, seeing it was a text from her mother asking where she was and if she's okay.
I debated waking Janie up to text her back so her mother wouldn't be worried, but instead I decided to text back for her in hopes of saying the right thing: I'm okay, just needed to get out of the house for a bit for some fresh air, so I'm staying at Sammy's tonight.
I pressed send, knowing she used Sammy as an excuse where she was a lot. I didn't know if she'd want me to tell her she was with me, so just to play it safe. While still being in her phone I hated the thoughts being played over and over to the point I couldn't help but check her and Joaquin's messages, wondering if they'd been talking this week while she didn't talk to me. They haven't texted in a while but their older texts made my heart drop.
Janie and I were dating in these even though they weren't cheating it felt like they were when he'd call her princess in them, which she even stated in the text she wanted him to stop cause it mad her uncomfortable. It only made me angrier to see the fact that he still continued to call her names even after she stated how she felt about them. He obviously could care less.
I turned her phone off and set it back down, hoping it was exactly how she had it, before I laid back down besides her. I wrapped my arms around her, as I looked at her sleeping peacefully in my arms. I was beginning to feel bad now.. I shouldn't of gone through her phone like I did. It was a invasion of privacy and she's never done it to me, so why should I of done it to her?
I was fearing that I was becoming the same way I use to be in Sandra and I's relationship again, only to Janie. I was scared to scare her away, if she really knew how possessive I could get. I didn't want to become that way, but it was so easy to feel threatened. Janie deserved someone better than me and I was terrified that she's figure that out, either on her own or by finding someone else, even Joaquin.
It shocked me with how she still hung around him after all he's done, even though she's explained the reason why to me plenty of times. Sometimes I wish she'd just stop being so nice, it was causing her to be walked on by everyone, even her own father. She needed to learn how to say no more often, cause she was afraid of being rude or loosing Sammy, but she didn't understand how more important she was instead of some friendship.
Of course I sympathized with her on it, as it was the "only" person she had, but I'm here now. I just wanted her to be okay, because she obviously isn't if she's harming herself. I gently pulled her arm out of the covers, veering back and fourth between her arm and her to make sure she wasn't awake from my doings. I looked at the cut's she caused today, getting a better look at it now that she wasn't awake.
I was terrified and I was trying so hard not to show it so she wouldn't see it, but I don't know how to deal with this. I hated that I first reacted the wrong way, but I didn't know what to do other than her to get professional help. I took a deep breath, trying to get myself calmed down so I could go to bed. But it seemed so hard to, my mind wouldn't stop racing. I sat up, my breath heavy from all this thinking. I hated doing what I was about to do, because it might disappoint Janie, but I wouldn't be able to even breath properly without doing so.
I got out of bed and made my way down the dark hall, flipping the light switch on. I made my way into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Whiskey Bourbon from the glass liquor cabinet, along with a small, squared glass.
I set it down and poured some into my glass, measuring it with my eyes to what I thought would knock me out, without getting hungover, hopefully. I took only a swig of it, not able to finish it all as I heard Janie's thin, brittle voice, squeaking out, "Stephen?"
I swallowed the little bit I got down and set down the rest before I spun around to see Janie rubbing her red eyes, with her other hand holding down the shirt I gave her to sleep in, that didn't actually seem to be that long. I don't know why my mind traveled there, but it did and I couldn't help it but wonder why she was being so cautious about letting me see her panties. Were we really back to square one? It made me feel horrible, as if I made her uncomfortable.
"What are you doing up, Janie?" I gulped out, my throat burning from the Whiskey I hid behind me.
"You weren't in bed and I-," she cut herself off with a deep breath, "I thought you left."
I watched her anxiously scratch the back of her head, staring at the floor beneath her.
"I wouldn't dare leave you, doll face." I tilted my head at her, earning a glance from her.
"Come here." I gestured, watching her face light up, before she quickly made her way over to me. I gently grabbed the sides of her hips, looking down, only to look her in the eyes.
"What's up with that?" I pointed to her hiding her panties from me with her hands. I watched her looked at me with shock from my question, only for her face to get red.
"You didn't let me get a change of clothes and they are embarrassing, Stephen.." she trailed off, making me smile widely at how she said my name.
"W-Why are you looking at me like that?" She shook her head in embarrassment as her cheeks grew a bright shade of red.
"I've missed you saying my name," I looked at her, making her smile at my words.
"I also just love the way you say it. No one else can make my name sound as nice as the way you do." I confessed out, making her blush and gently spat my hand as a joke to avoid "allowing" me to see how fluttery she was getting.
"Let me see those embarrassing panties your covering," I grinned at her, making her shake her head vigorously, hoping to get away from me by backing up, but I tightened my grip around her waist and pulled her back into me.
"Please Stephen!" She begged me, throwing her head back.
"Oh come on! It can't be that embarrassing, doll." I shrugged out, only to hear her angrily scoff at my words.
"It is!" She stood up straight, trying to make herself look bigger to me, which I stifled a laugh at under my breath.
"Well let me be the judge of that." I finally allowed her out of my hold as I leaned back against the counters, with my arms crossed over my wide chest.
"You'll laugh."
"I promise I won't." I shook my head and threw my hands up in defense.
"Pinky promise?" She raised her pinky toward me, making me chuckle to myself and just stare at her pinky.
"Alright, pinky promise it is." I wrapped my pinky around hers, before she finally relaxed her arms to the side, allowing the shirt to bounce up a bit. I pulled it up more with my finger and smiled widely at the sight, licking my lips, genuinely pleased.
"Embarrassing?" I cocked an eyebrow at her, as I gently pulled on the fabric to see how thin it was and what type of fabric it was.
"Yes embarrassing-," she went to go on with a plead out.
"They aren't embarrassing.." I trailed off, getting a full intake before I looked up at her, "they're very bright, though." I grinned, slipping my fingers out of the fabric.
"Stephen!" She spat my hand, making me give a devious smile towards her, before I gently grabbed her and pull her into me for a hug.
"Go back to bed and I'll be there in a second, okay?" I suggested, making her pull out of my hold and look at me with furrowed eyebrows.
"Why can't I just wait with you till you go to bed?" She questioned in confusion.
"Besides, why are you up in the first place?" She asked me, exactly how I asked her about being up.
I took a deep breath, only to see her peaking over my shoulders to see what I was hiding behind me. She quickly backed up with wide eyes and stared at me, "y-your drinking?"
"I just need something to help me sleep tonight, my thoughts are racing and they won't seem to stop-," I rubbed my temples in frustration, only to earn a wide eyed stare from her.
"Well if your drinking to stop your thoughts, can I drink some?" Janie begged, making me shake my head.
"No Janie. Now come on, let's go put you to bed-," I grabbed her hands to take her with me back into the bedroom.
"Stephen, that's not fair you get to drink and I don't! The only way I can sleep is by crying myself to sleep, I just want to not think about everything right now," Janie begged me, refusing to come into the bedroom with me.
"Your eighteen, Janie. It's illegal for me to give you alcohol, besides I don't need you drinking that shit like your dad." I gave her a lecture, pointing my finger in front of her face, making her grab it with her fingers and pull it towards her lips.
"Please, Steph!" She stretched her words out in a plea, with my fingers pressing against her lips.
"I promise no one will know and it will only be this one time, I just need to fall asleep tonight." Janie added on, explaining why she needed it.
I sat there debating it. "Janie I'd be a horrible boyfriend to let my eighteen year old girlfriend drink when I'm much older than you, so come on let's go lay down-," I tried to pull her with me, but she once again pulled me back.
"No you wouldn't. You'd be one of the best boyfriends in the world!" She brought her hands together, looking up at me with puppy eyes.
"I'm not already the best boyfriend in the world?" I asked her with a smirk placed on my lips.
"Not with the way your acting right now, so redeem yourself with my request." She tried to persuade me to do as she wanted and.. it was definitely working..
"Fine Janie, but only under one condition." I gritted out of my clenched jaw, making her nod her head vigorously at me.
"Okay.. what is it?" She asked, her eyes not daring to leave mine.
"I'm in charge with how much you get, so don't beg me for more, Janie." I tilted my head at her, making her smile widely at me.
"Okay, okay. I won't-," she went to go on, but I interrupted her.
"Promise me."
"I promise, Mr. James." She pressed her lips together, before she pulled my hand with her back to the liquor cabinet.
"Do you know if you handle clear alcohol better or-," I went on and got cut off by her, shaking her head at me.
"I think anything should be fine." She shrugged out, making me grab her a glass and pour a shot of whiskey into the glass before I turned to her, hesitating on giving it to her.
She went to grab it from my hands, but I quickly stopped her by slightly shaking my head, "uh, uh, uh. Not so fast, Adair."
"What?" She asked, her eyebrows coming together to announce her confusion.
"Drink responsibly, Janie. It's just to help you sleep, alright?" I cocked an eyebrow at her, causing her to send a full head nod my way.
I watched her come beside me and pull herself up on the counter, sitting down with her legs swigging off.
With a sigh, I let her take the glass from my hand. Her eyes carefully inspecting it, before she brought the cup to her lips, meanwhile her fingers held her nostrils together as she quickly downed it, her eyebrows quickly raising together and her face flushing in disgust. She set the empty glass down with a gulp as a quick gag fell from her quivering lips.
I watched her thin body break out in shivers. I bit my bottom lip, pleased at the fact she wasn't use to it, but I almost couldn't help but find it cute how she reacted to Whiskey. I turned to the fridge, grabbing her a water before I turned back towards her.
"Drink this." I demanded, making her grab it from my hands with a whispered thank you, before she began chugging it. I came beside her and grabbed my glass, not realizing she was watching me while I chugged it all.
"How?" I heard Janie say in awe from beside me, making me peer over at her.
"Also how come you get more than me?" She eyed my glass, making me set it beside.
"I'm trying to help you sleep, not help you blackout." I looked at her, with a cocked eyebrow.
"Well how do you know the amount you gave me is even going to help me sleep?" She questioned, raising her eyebrows.
"I don't, so we wait."
"Wait?"
"To see if you feel it yet or do you need more?"
"I need more, Stephen."
I looked at her, "are you serious?" I asked her, making her softly nod her head at me.
"I'm only giving you a little bit more and then that's it. I don't want you getting hungover." I scoffed out, watching her nod her head vigorously at my words.
I grabbed her cup and poured a nice big shot in it, hoping this would be the one to help her sleep.
"Here." I handed it to her, before I stood back watching her with my arms crossed over my chest.
"Are you upset at me?"
"No, why?"
"Because your sitting there, like a parent getting ready to give me a lecture."
"No Janie, I'm not angry. I just.. it makes me sick about the fact I'm giving you this and allowing you to drink."
Her brown eyes focused on mine, her lips parting as I could see the guilt spill to her face, making me sigh and apologize.
"Don't feel bad. I just want you to be able to sleep, so are you feeling it yet?" I asked her, coming in between her legs, placing my hand on her knee ass she stared down, trying to think on my question.
"N-Not yet, but I'll give it a minute." She breathed out, grabbing the water bottle besides her and downing the rest of it.
"Can I have a soda?" She piped out, making me smile at her and nod my head.
"What kind?" I asked, turning around and opening the fridge.
"Coke, please.." she quietly trailed off.
I grabbed one for her and opened it before handing it to her, resting my hands on her legs as she took a sip. I watched her carefully, surprised she wasn't showing any signs, meanwhile I could already feel my balance becoming a bit unsteady. I seen her hand move from the corner of my eye, making me quickly look and see her holding her stomach with her hand.
"Is it burning?" I grinned slightly, causing her to look up over at me with raised eyebrows.
"How'd you know?" She asked, making me chuckle out, "I'm twenty-eight, doll face. I've been around."
I rubbed her thigh with my hands, watching over her carefully as hopefully it wasn't about to hit her too strong. I quickly placed my hand on her forehead to feel if she had a fever and she was bit warm. I took a deep breath and gently lifted her shirt up, surprised she didn't stop me. But it wasn't for that reason, I placed my hand on her stomach, feeling it warm, earning from her.
"Your freezing hand feels good right there," she threw her head back, resting it on the cabinets.
She held my hand close to her stomach to the point I couldn't pull it away, but I wasn't complaining. Instead I began rubbing her stomach in hopes of that feeling good too.
"Still not feeling it?" I asked her, my eyes hovering over her, watching her eyes roll back before she looked up at me.
"I-maybe.." she trailed off, making me laugh at her and pay her knee gently.
"I'll take that as a yes-," I grinned at her, quickly feeling her grab onto my wrists, pulling me closer to her.
She pressed her lips against my ear and whispered slowly, "do you have crackers or chips?"
I smiled down at her, stifling a laugh. "I have to go grocery shopping tomorrow, but I think I have pretzels, how does that sound?" I raised an eyebrow at her and backed away from her.
She quickly nodded her head, making me smile and open up a cabinet besides her and grab the pretzel bag, handing it to her. "Thank you!" She quickly opened the bag, grabbing a handful, stuffing some into her mouth, a muffled moan falling from her lips as she closed her eyes, pleased with the snack.
I took a deep breath and pulled my glass out, pouring another shot in mine so I could at least get tired. For some odd reason, it was taking a lot more to do it to me, than usual. I grabbed my cup, looking over at her before downing the shot.
"Why are you drinking more?" She asked me, surprising me with how little her slurs were. I set my empty cup down, leaning against the counter as it still never seemed to go away, the burning. I never can get use to it.
"I want to sleep too." I sighed out, turning my head to look up at her.
"Why can't you sleep?" She furrowed her eyebrows, looking at me worried.
"I'm just having a difficult time like you are." I shrugged out, standing up straight and putting the cap on the whiskey bottle.
"Yeah, but there's a reason, like I have one. So what's yours?" She looked at me with her big eyes, raising her eyebrows at me.
"My mind is just constantly running right now," I confessed, hoping she wouldn't pry anymore as I didn't want to hurt her feelings on exactly why my mind is running.
I put my whiskey back up in the liquor cabinet, as Janie asked again, "well what's the reason your mind is constantly running?"
I shut the cabinet and grabbed both of our glasses, setting them in the sink before I felt her grab my hand, trying to pull me close to her. I sighed and turned to her, looking her in the eyes.
"Hmm?" I hummed out, making her quickly ask again, "what's making your mind run?"
She smiled at me gently, which maybe she sensed how annoyed I was, not at her though. I just didn't want to talk about it, I'm trying to get my mind off of it.
"I'll tell you later." I raised an eyebrow, before going to turn away, only to feel her wrap her legs around me and try to pull me into her.
"A-Are you upset at me?" She slurred out with furrowed eyebrows. I looked down for a split second, feeling bad at how I didn't realize how mean I was being.
I grabbed her hand and apologized, "I'm sorry, doll face. I'm not angry, I'm stressed out but that doesn't make it right to take it out on you."
"It's okay, as long as your not mad." She gently smiled out, bringing her hand to rub her eyes. I looked down at her legs wrapped around my waist, making me laugh at how tight she was holding me against her.
"Stephen.." she trailed off, making me look up at her with a cocked brow.
"Can I take a shower?"
"I don't think that's safe with you drinking," I looked her, earning a sigh from her.
"Can I take a bath?"
"Mhm, okay." I guess a bath seemed safer. She quickly hopped off the counter, immediately falling, making me catch her.
"Careful, Adair. That's why you don't need to take a shower," I looked down at her, watching her smile fade, quickly rolling her eyes at me.
"Come on Stephen, live a little." She tilted her head, getting out of my hold and quickly skipping her way to my bedroom.
I heard a bang, making me yell out and hurry down the hall, "Janie Adair, what happened?!"
I walked into my bathroom and immediately met the site of Janie in just her undergarments laughing. "I'm fine, I just hit my leg."
I brought my hands to my temples, rubbing them in frustration. "Your no fun," she trailed out in seriousness.
"Your drunk, someone has to watch out for you." I stated, making her scoff.
"I thought you were drunk?"
"Buzzed, there's a difference." I spat back.
"Well maybe if you'd drunk more, you'd be fun." She rolled her eyes at me, clearly annoyed at my presence, which I know I shouldn't be upset at, but why was I then?
"I don't want you to hurt yourself, I'm trying to care for you." I explained to her, hoping she'd get it.
"Well sometimes it's really overbearing. I feel like your trying to be my dad and I don't like it, Steph." She confessed out, crossing her arms over her chest, clearly becoming uncomfortable which was one of the worst feelings.
"You need one, Jane."
I watched as she became quiet, her eyes focused on the ground before she thinly asked out, "so what.. are you trying to be one for me?"
I stared at her dark brown eyes, I went to go say something to clear the air but she interrupted, "can you take me home?" She grabbed her shirt from the counter, putting it back on.
"I thought you were taking a bath?" I quirked a brow to her.
"I don't feel in the mood anymore. I think I'm gonna go home and take a shower." She added, locking her lips to reveal a devious smile on her lips.
"You really want to go home drunk to your mother?"
"It's better than sitting here with you suffocating me."
"Suffocating you, huh?" I cocked an eyebrow, crossing my arms now and leaning over the countertop.
"Yes, with you telling me what I can and can't do. It's so frustrating and then I feel like your upset at me constantly. I just-," she went to go on, but I couldn't help but cut her off by shaking my head at her.
"I'm not upset at you Janie, I thought I've made that clear?!" I spoke out, throwing my hands up in defense, earning the same tone back.
"Then why do you keep talking to me like you are!"
I quickly pushed myself off the counter and made my way over to her. "Don't speak to me like that, Janie Adair."
"Oh, but you can speak to me ten times worse, Stephen James?" She angrily uttered out, staring up at me.
She pointed her finger in my face angrily, making me grab her wrists. "See this is what I mean, it's so uncalled for and unfair, Stephen and I don't think I can take being treated like this. It hurts my feelings and I don't understand why you'd want to treat me like this in the first place." She frowned out, her bottom lip quivering as her eyes watered up.
I felt bad, I didn't mean to be rude. I was just so stressed out. I've never been this stressed out before, everything going on today had caused my mind to run all over the place and it didn't seem to stop. It was exhausting at how long it was running for, not even the alcohol seemed to make it stop. I needed more.
"I can't drive to take you home right now, Janie. Not like this," I sighed out, making her look away and at the floor, her legs beginning to shake which caught my attention.
"Are you cold?" I asked her, earning back a mumbled, "I'm fine." I took it as she wasn't and made my way out of my bathroom and into the closet to try and find the smallest fitting sweatpants. There was only one pair and I still wasn't sure it would fit. I made my way out of the closet, only to see her at the nightstand, grabbing her phone.
"Here, Janie." I said, making her turn around and look into my hands. She grabbed the sweatpants and whispered a thank you. Which shocked me. She was angry and hurt by me, yet she was still being nice and respectful towards me.
She went to put her leg through it, only for her to stumble off balance with the alcohol still in her system, clearly.
"Can I help you?" I chose another choice of wording.
"I think I got it-," she went to go on, refusing to allow me to help her.
"Hold onto me for balance." I looked at her, making her sigh and do as I said, grabbing onto me for balance, only for me to surprise her by grabbing the sweats and bending down, putting them on her myself.
She took her hands off my shoulders and went to back away with a quiet thanks, but I quickly pulled her back in by the strings of the sweatpants that hung loosely around her waist.
"Here, let me," I tightly pulled the strings together, tightening and typing them together.
"Is that okay? That's the tightest I could get them." I asked her, raising my eyebrows at her, earning a nod.
"Thank you," she said, before she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Are you alright?" I asked her in a tone of worry, placing the back of my hand on her forehead to feel her face was freezing. I quickly grabbed her hands, which caused her to furrow her eyebrows.
"W-What are you doing?" She hiccuped, her words slurring together.
"Janie, your body is like an icicle." I said, noticing the shivers.
"Can you please lay down and get in the covers for me, Janie?" I begged her. With a sigh, she did as I said.
"Let me go get something. I'll be right back, but stay right here." I said.
I left the bedroom and made my way into the spare, grabbing and extra blanket that was at the edge of the bed and brought it with me, before I returned back to the room, throwing the blanket over her, tucking her in.
"Better?" I cocked an eyebrow, making her nod as I took off the sweatpants I had put on to get up to get liquor earlier. I turned the lights off and left a small one on as I got into bed, getting on my side.
She had her back turned to me, making me fall onto my back, a frustrated sigh leaving my lips as I rubbed my face with my hands, before running my hands through my hair. She was still angry at me and it sucked. I didn't mean for it to come off like that, I'm genuinely worried for her and stressing out about the fact I have no clue what to do. She was self harming and I was afraid of solving the issue wrong.
One wrong move and she might not be here the next day. It was fucking terrifying and I can't even express how I'm feeling because I don't want her feeling bad. I felt a shiver from the other side of the bed, making me turn my head to look over at her with her back still faced at me.
"Are you still cold, Jane?" I asked her, earning silence for a few seconds.
Before I heard her murmur out , "I'm fine."
The tone she had, definitely proved otherwise.
"Let's try that again, shall we?" I cocked an eyebrow in question, earning her to peek at me from her shoulder.
"Are you still cold, Janie Adair?"
She turned back ahead and finally shrugged out the truth, "a little bit, but it's fine." Another shiver came with her words and I watched her tightly hold the covers closer to her.
I grabbed her, earning from her, "what are you doing?"
"I'm trying to warm you up." I stated to her, my arms wrapped around her tightly, trying to create body heat between us, as I tightly kept the covers wrapped around her and I.
"Unless you don't want me to?" I asked her, beginning to think about how she probably thought of this as suffocating.
I felt her shiver against me as she shook her head, "I don't mind." She whispered out to me.
It fell quiet once again, my bare arms wrapped around right below her breasts, holding her close to me. I could feel how twitchy her breathing was, making me gently reach for her stomach, pulling her shirt up to caress her, but she quickly sat up.
"W-What are you doing?" She stuttered out, uncomfortable. Immediately I felt bad, sitting up with her, beginning to comfort her.
"I'm sorry-," I cut myself off..
"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. I was just just trying to touch you, but not in a way like that." I confessed, defending myself and hoping it would help her feel more comfortable knowing my intentions.
I watched her eyes turn to a glossy overview, making me realize she was about to cry as she stammered out, "I-I'm sorry-."
"Janie," I cut her off, "don't be sorry. With everything you've been through, I don't blame you for feeling like that."
"Come here," I gestured into my lap, earning a uncertain look from her before she did as I said, coming over to me. I gently placed my hands on her waist and pulled her into my lap, embracing her in my arms, as she wrapped her legs around my hips.
"I don't mean to be rude, Janie. But why do you feel uncomfortable around me? Is it because of something I did? Or-," I cut myself off with a sigh, before continuing on, "or is everything that's been brought up today making you uncomfortable?"
I expressed my concerns and how I felt to her, not hearing a response back. I looked down at her and gently grabbed her face, forcing her to look at me.
"Can you please respond, Janie? So I know what to do?" I furrowed my eyebrows at her, getting frustrated. She made it harder.
That was till I noticed her teary eyes and deepening breaths. "I'm sorry, it's not you that makes me uncomfortable. It's my thoughts right now and certain areas that I don't want to be touched, it triggers things."
"Well, what areas? So I know not to touch you there." I asked her, making her straighten up in my lap.
"Here," she pointed to her stomach. I slowly nodded, my eyes following where her finger pointed.
"Here, anywhere around this area." She pointed to her privates and around her upper thighs.
"Okay, Janie." I grabbed her hand and caressed the inside of her palm. I went to open my mouth to ask more on it, but I quickly shook it off, as I realized her getting tired.
With her in my lap, I pulled her back with me into the bed, earning a small smile from her. I pulled the blankets up on us, feeling her shift beside me. I laid on my side to face her, bringing my hand to her hair, playing with it to help her fall asleep. She closed her eyes, making me smile at her, continuing to run my hands threw her hair.
"Are you still having a hard time falling asleep?" I heard from her, making me furrow my eyebrows at her still being awake.
"It's fine-," I went to go on, getting cut off by her, "so you are?"
"Yeah, but it's fine," I shrugged out with a light chuckle, seeing her look up at me. She quickly scooted closer to me, as I laid on my back, she wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close to her. I smiled to myself and wrapped my arms around her, to keep her near me, while hugging her back, rubbing her back with my hands.
"Why are you having a hard time sleeping?" She asked me, making me look down at her.
"My thoughts."
"Well how do I help get your mind off of it?" She questioned, raising an eyebrow at me as she wrapped her leg over me.
"You are enough to get my mind off it," I grinned at her, making her playfully roll her eyes and go to sit up, but I quickly pulled her back down with me.
"Stay with me-," I demanded, getting interrupted.
"Then tell me what I can do to help." She tried to persuade me, but instead I just grinned at her, finding her persistence cute.
"Stephen, tell me. Please." She begged, making me sigh and begin to think.
"Maybe you can..." I trailed off, looking at her.
"Anything." She looked back at me, a smile threatening her lips.
"Play with my hair."
She smiled at my request and moved closer to my chest, her hand reaching for my hair, beginning to gently stroke it. I relaxed and stared at her focusing intensively. She dragged her fingers along my scalp, making my eyes close in pleasure. I felt her other hand that rested on my chest, slowly begin to rub my chest, making me softly grin. She took her fingers, starting at the top of my head, using her nails to scratch my scalp, sensually all the way down to my ears. Gently running her fingers continuously through my hair, immediately causing me to fall asleep at her touch.
–
I stretched, reaching for Janie, but quickly realized she wasn't in my arms. I opened my eyes, looking around the bedroom seeing her nowhere. Sitting up in frantic, I called out for her name. My mind began rushing around the possibility's of anything sharp being left out. I got up, rushing down the hall to the kitchen in fear of her harming herself.
"Jan-," I called out, loudly, cutting myself off at the sight of her pacing on her phone back and fourth, she spun to look at me with her eyebrows furrowed.
Relief raised over me, knowing she was alright. I rubbed my forehead, my heart calming down from the racing events. I grabbed a water from the fridge, purposely staying to overhear who she was on the phone with, but my luck she just said a goodbye before hanging up. Coming around the corner, she greeted me with a smile as I took a drink of the bottled water.
"Good afternoon."
"It's afternoon, already?" I asked in surprise, catching a nod from her.
"Mhm, but you were tired. You deserved to sleep in."
"Who was that?" I completely avoided her previous statement, earning a confused look from her before she brushed it off with a shrug.
"Sammy."
I just stared at her, earning a break of eye contact with her, making me tilt my head and pick her chin up to look at me.
"You want to try that again and tell me the truth this time?"
"The truth? What do you mea-," she began, making me cut her off, "you know what I mean."
"Who really was it, Jane?" I leaned against the countertops, earning a gulp from her.
–
AUTHORS NOTE: Apologies for the long awaited chapter. Next chapter won't take this long, I promise.
If there's some grammar mistakes, I apologize. I didn't edit this chapter with everything going on this month, but next month chapters will be back to normal and hopefully being updated more frequently. Thank you for being patient with me. Until next time!
— Love Edds <3