It had been five weeks since summer ended. Five weeks of missing Harry, five weeks of crying , five weeks of nausea, five weeks of feeling strange, five weeks of Louis worrying. It had been five very, very long weeks. Zayn was genuinely debating whether or not school was worth it at this point. Surely he and Harry could live a decent enough life if he got a simple corner shop job?
Anything was better than this, struggling through the days with his head hanging in the dirty public toilets. Sweat dripping off of his forehead, hands clammy , thoughts racing. He knew what was wrong with him, he'd known for a week now. The sinking feeling in his heart was only worsening as time went by and he had no idea how to stop it.
Well he did, but he couldn't bring himself to get up off of this floor for long enough to do it. Eventually he'd have to move. He had an English lesson in five minutes. With maximum effort he managed to move himself to sit up and stand. Legs shaking as he made his way out of the toilet and over towards the class room. Louis was already stood waiting , hands shoved inside his blazer pockets.
"There he is! Where you been lad?!" He chirped when he noticed the dark haired boy.
"Just been to grab a drink from the hall!" Zayn answered , trying his best to sound as cheerful as he possibly could.
"You drank it already?" The older lad frowned.
"No dickhead, it's in my bag."
"Oh! Right sorry, dumb moment.. been around Pez too much."
Zayn laughed at that, his first genuine laugh in days. Just as he was about to reply the classroom door opened and the teacher asked them to head on in and take their seats. This was probably one of Zayn's favourite lessons , this and football. But if what Zayn's suspects is true.. then football will no longer be an option for him.
And just like that, once again his thoughts where running wild. He honestly has no idea how long he blanked out for this time.
"Z? Mate are you alright?" Louis' voice called , snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Y-yeah sort of." He stammered.
Louis frowned, turning in his seat so he could face the boy properly.
"You don't look it. Lad you look like you're about to keel over ... that's me puttin' it nicely."
"I-I just- I've felt really sick lately is all." Zayn breathed, hoping to ease the nausea he was currently feeling.
"Why didn't ya' say anything?" Louis asked in concern. "You could of taken a week off!"
"Didn't want to worry my mum, ya' know how she gets Lou." The younger of the two sighed shakily.
"There's nothing else going on right? You're just feeling sick?" The donny lad pressed.
"Is it because you're missing H?"
"N-no! I just- shit I don't Louis ok?! Just please stop nagging me I need to go home!" Zayn suddenly snapped.
Storming out of the classroom despite the teacher shouting after him. His hands tugging at his uniform collar as he tried to find the air to breathe.
You know when you have a feeling deep down, when you just know that something is wrong. Well Zayn has that feeling, he's had it for a week! He knew his body, he knew when it was messed up. Louis' questioning had only solidified the thought growing more and more each day.
He was pregnant... yep , pregnant. He had bought a pregnancy test yesterday, slowly working up the courage to actually take it. But he just couldn't and now he was almost 100% sure he was having a panic attack in the middle of the school corridor.
"Z? Zayn?! Zayn?!" A voice was calling yet for some reason he couldn't bring himself to focus.
"Zayn hun? Come on please watch me?! Breathe with me ok?!" The accent was thick... he knew that accent. "Z? Where is Lou?"
It was Perrie!
"P-Pez.." He gasped.
"I'm here , just breathe with me ok?" The blonde assured . "In through your nose, good ... now blow out for a count of ten."
Zayn tried , he really tried. But the tears kept coming , his chest heaving in agony as he tried to take in as much breath as he could.
Was this what dying was like?!
"I'm calling Harry." Perrie sobbed, grabbing her phone from the front of her blazer. Quickly scrolling for Harry's number and pressing dial.
"N-no!" Zayn panicked, ending the call.
"I-I can do this, h-he can't know!"
"Why can't he know?! Zayn you're havin' a panic attack! He's your boyfriend!" Perrie argued.
"B-because!" Zayn sobbed.
"Because what?!" She shouted back.
Zayn only sobbed harder, flinging his bag towards her. "I-open it." He begged.
Perrie sniffled, satisfied with the fact that Zayn was now communicating so she listened. Hesitating as she slowly opened the bag. Her breath catching as her eyes landed upon an item she didn't expect.
"Y-you're? S-shit Z." She gasped, sliding down the lockers next to him.
"I-I he can't know Pez." He cried out, curling into her side. "H-he can't know."
"A-are you sure?"
"I-I haven't taken it.. but Pez... I-I just know."
The blonde Geordie nodded in understanding, rubbing his back in soothing circles as he slowly began to calm down. Both of them jumping as her phone began to ring in Zayn's grip.
"Shit it's Haz." He whimpered.
"It's ok I'll say I called him by accident." Perrie cooed, carefully taking the phone and answering.
"Hey Hazza!"
"Hey Pez.. everything alright lovely?"
"Yeah sorry I accidentally called you instead of Hailey! You know what I'm like." She fake laughed.
"Typical you huh? How's school? Shouldn't you be in lesson?"
"Yeah just took a quick trip to the loo! On my way back in to lesson now! But I'll speak to you soon!"
"Alright Pez! Bye love, tell Z I love him ok?"
The blonde looked down at the dark haired lad biting her lip in sympathy as she watched him cry.
"I will hun, speak soon." She breathed, ended the call. "Z, Harry said he loves you."
"I-I heard." Zayn whispered.
"We should go take those tests , you can't keep overthinking until you know."
"O-ok just please, if I am... don't say a thing to anyone?" He begged.
"I promise."
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When Zayn had bought the pregnancy test, he had searched through rows and rows of different brands and types. Eventually though he did settle on a clear blue digital one. The box stated that it would be able to tell him how far along he was and was 99% accurate. He didn't plan on going to a midwife anytime soon so he thought that was his best bet.
"How long do you wait?" Perrie asked, biting her nails anxiously.
"Three minutes.." Zayn croaked, he had taken the test two minutes ago and for some reason time seemed to have slowed down.
"Pez, you don't have to stay.. go to lesson."
"I'm not leavin' Z, you're an idiot if you think missing a single lesson is more important to me than you!" The blonde exclaimed.
"I-I just don't want us both in trouble." He groaned.
"We won't be! I'll tell them you was throwing up and I stopped to help!" Perrie explained.
"Oh yeah cause they'll believe that... it's me and you Pez, two best mates bunking off lesson isn't unheard of!"
"Always so negative Z!"
"M' not! I'm just careful!"
"Oh yeah, clearly that's why we are stood here waiting for your pregnancy test results!" The blonde growled.
Zayn physically flinched at that, his eyes instantly filling with tears as he looked down.
"W-wow ok."
"Shit I didn't mean it like that Z, just please, please stop pushin' me away right now!" Perrie gasped.
"Y-you're right though... I can't claim to be careful when I'm not. God I knew I shouldn't of trusted that stupid pill!" He snapped.
"You're on the pill?" Perrie frowned.
"Yep, so if I'm pregnant I'm that really unlucky 10% that gets caught." He muttered.
"Fuck Z, I'm sorry." Perrie whispered in sympathy.
Just as the younger lad opened his mouth to reply , the timer began to ping on his phone.
Alerting him that his fate was sealed. He shakily reached over , taking the test in his hand just about ready to flip it over when Perrie stopped him.
"Wait! H-have you thought about anything past this?" She wondered.
"N-no, I just-the thought of having a baby terrifies me... but so does the though of-" He cut himself off shaking his head.
"I get it, you're only sixteen... you shouldn't have to live with something like that." She assured him.
"B-but I was talking about Harry."
"He deserves to chase him dreams Pez, I couldn't burden him with this. I won't get an abortion. But I also know I shouldn't be having a baby." He facted.
"Yeah... but whatever you decide, you have me." The girl stated.
"I appreciate that." Zayn said emotionally, tears dripping off his chin. "B-because if I am... I won't be telling anyone else.. this stays between us."
"What?! No!" Perrie shouted.
"Perrie you promised!" He snapped back.
"B-but I didn't think you meant not telling anyone! Z you have to tell your mum and Harry! You have too!"
"I'm not telling them! God my mum would never forgive me Pez! And H, he doesn't need this! He's working so hard to settle in , in Liverpool! I won't ruin this chance for him!"
"B-but what will you do?!" Perrie questioned.
"I-I'll have the baby in secret... then I'll - I'll give them up for adoption." Zayn whimpered.
"Y-you- oh Z, you can't do that! It'll kill you!"
"If I don't I'll lose Haz and my mum! Either way I'll lose! I'd rather lose a baby than the two people I love most in this world!"
"But what I'd you start to love the baby?! What then?!" The blonde pressed.
"T-then I'm miserable forever but at least I can hide it! Pez I'm not ready for a baby! I have to- shit I have to look at this test! We don't even know if this said baby exists!" He ranted.
"Y-you going to look?" Perrie stuttered, her nerves for the boy clearly showing.
"Uh huh." He nodded, hand reaching out to flip them all over one by one.
"Oh shit..." The blonde cried softly.
Her heart breaking for the boy she called one of her best friends. Each and every test signalling the unmistakable fact... Zayn was indeed pregnant.
"I'm fucked." Zayn sobbed, hands tugging at his hair .
He couldn't help but let the broken sobs escape him. It felt as though his world was folding in on him and he was suffocating. He couldn't catch his breath, his life was over. How could he not feel completely in over his head.
"Shhh it's okay" Perrie croaked, her own tears falling at the sight of the broken boy.
"I-I can't do this.." Zayn cried.
"Yes, yes you can... you're going to have baby. And then what ever happens after that... I'm here, I may not agree with your plan. But shit Z, to hell if you think I'm letting you do it alone."
"B-but you're right, it's going to kill me shit... it's so real I-I Perrie I can't! I can't give up my baby! But I can't tell my mum! I can't tell anyone! God they're all going to hate me!"
"Zayn! Snap out of it! I'm here ok?! I'm not going anywhere you've got this! I've got you!" The blonde stated , grabbing the boy close to her.
"Y-you do?" He sobbed.
"Always." She whispered kissing his hair.
"T-thanks Pez, I love you."
"I love you more."
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Perrie stuck true to her word, the poor girl hadn't breathed a single word to anyone. Not even to Louis and Zayn knew just how hard that must be for her. But he needed her to keep this too herself. Lucky enough for him at the age of sixteen he was no longer consider a minor. That meant he and Perrie where able to get his pregnancy confirmed at one of the local clinics and also book in his first scan. All without his mum knowing.
He felt a lot more at ease knowing that the midwife would be unable to disclose any information about his pregnancy to anyone other than him. That meant telling his mum was all up to him. Perrie was trying her best to convince him that it was the right thing to do but he couldn't... she was so happy with life. This would only ruin it for her.
Though right now in this moment he was actually starting to regret his decision. He and Perrie where currently waiting in the local clinic for his twelve week scan... Yep twelve weeks. That meant he was eight weeks pregnant when he found out. Therefore he got pregnant the first time he and Harry had sex.
Harry... his loving, caring, beautiful Harry. He had been avoiding his calls. Breaking the older boys heart more and more everytime. But he couldn't help it.. he'd rather push him away than let him deal with all this stress . It wasn't fair to him to do that.
"Are you going to call Haz?" Perrie spoke up into the silence.
"N-no." He whispered brokenly.
"You have to Z, he's lost without you right now.." Perrie urged. "You can't do this to him."
"B-but Pez when I start showing I can't FaceTime him.. it's goin' to get so hard."
"I understand that, but have you really thought all this through.. I mean keepin' the baby a secret and givin' them away-"
"Can we not do this right now?!" Zayn interrupted.
"Fine, but you're goin' to realise sooner or later how idiotic you sound." She huffed turning away from him.
Zayn didn't reply, focusing in on the piece of string pulling from his hoodie as he fiddled anxiously. He just wanted to wake up twelve weeks ago and fix all of this. He didn't want to face up to reality. Giving up his baby was the hardest thing he'd ever have to do and he knew that. But what choice did he have?
"Zayn Malik!" A voice called out , making the sixteen year old jump slightly.
Perrie instantly came out of her mood, slipping her hand into his own so she could pull him up.
"Come on Z, that's you."
Zayn whimpered, quickly wiping at his eyes as he followed the blonde haired beauty. The blood rushing in his ears as he tried hard to fight back the panic building within.
"Hi are you Zayn?!" The chirpy American asked as she shut the door softly behind them.
"Erm yeah..." Zayn hesitated.
"Lovely to meet you! I'm Bella I'll be your midwife throughout most of your prenatal checks if you wish to continue on with the pregnancy!" The woman explained with a soft smile.
She seemed kind.. Zayn liked that.
"I-I am." Zayn quickly blurted, blushing as Bella looked at him in confusion.
"Continuing with the pregnancy I mean."
"Oh right! That's great!" Bella soothed, placing her hand on his shoulder.
"You'll be fine sweetie, no judgement from me ok?"
"Y-yeah ok, thankyou." He smiled gratefully.
"You're very welcome! You must be his friend I'm guessing?" She smiled turning towards Perrie.
"I am! Here as a form of moral support." Perrie nodded.
"That's amazing! Right so Zayn I just need to do some routine checks such as your blood pressure, your weight, height all that jazz... then we will take a look at the little one! Sound good?!"
"I-I suppose." He shrugged with a small smile.
If he was being honest, nothing about his current situation present or future sounded good.
Bella was quite punctual with her routine getting through all of his checks within the first fifteen minutes which was very impressive. He'd been to doctors appointments that lasted more than half an hour whilst doing those sort of checks.
"Right now, Perrie why don't you come stand by Zayn's head , Zayn lay back for me and we will set everything up!" Bella instructed the pair.
"You ok?" Perrie cooed, holding his hand tightly as he lay back against the examination table.
"S-scared." He croaked, watching as Bella fiddled with the buttons on the machine , allowing a breath of air to leave his mouth as she turned.
"Lift up that jumper for me please." She instructed kindly.
He did as told , revealing his tan skin slowly. Feeling self conscious due to the two pairs of eyes currently locked on his middle as he did so.
Perrie couldn't help but watch, her curiosity getting the best of her. Zayn's body didn't look any different yet.. but she knew it wouldn't be long until a bump would be forming between those perfect hip bones of his.
"Zayn it'll be ok." She soothed, watching the teens face pale.
"I-I'm scared." Zayn whimpered back, eyes shining with tears as he repeated his previous words.
"Don't be , I'm right here with you love." Perrie stated softly.
Zayn didn't trust his voice enough to reply , so he settled for grabbing onto the blondes hand firmly. Perrie squeezing back as she too focused her attention on the midwife.
"Right , this'll be a little bit cold . Just prepare yourself." Bella chuckled.
Squirting a small amount of blue gel on to the bottom of Zayn's stomach just above his naval. Placing the ultrasound wand down almost immediately after.
Both teens waited anxiously for her to give them some form of information. Eyes locked on the screen as blurry images of black and white flashes before them. They didn't have a clue what they where looking for... all they could do was hope that everything was okay.
"Ah ha! There's the little Bubz!" She suddenly chirped.
Zayn's eyes instantly locked on the small baby like shape she was pointing to. Although it was tiny, you could still make out the shape of it's little head and body. Arms and legs more like stumps ... it was alien like, but utterly amazing at the same time.
"W-what? That's it?" He whispered.
"Yup! That's it, that tiny little being right there is your baby." Bella hummed in amusement.
"S-shit Pez." He choked out.
"Me and Haz made that..."
"Haz the father?" Bella quipped , not moving her eyes from the screen.
"Y-yeah , he's away at a music academy." Zayn told her shakily.
"Well you can tell him that he has one very healthy baby on the way! All the measurements look right on track for twelve weeks! Baby is absolutely perfect!" She told the sixteen year old happily.
Zayn couldn't help but allow the tears to fall... he couldn't do this. He couldn't hide his baby away, he couldn't give them up. He had to tell his mum. Perrie was right... he'd ruin his life doing this alone.
"Those are happy tears right?" Perrie asked hesitantly.
"T-they are." Zayn sniffled.
"You were right."
Perrie just smiled, she didn't need Zayn to say anymore. She knew that he meant.
It was the right decision... it'd work out in the end. Zayn knew that.. however, he still stood by one part of the original plan. Harry couldn't know, this would ruin everything for him! Even if that meant Zayn had to leave him .. he'd do it.
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A/N: Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!!
Excited to start this pregnancy journey with you all! Zayn will tell Trisha next chapter !!
Do you think Zayn made up a stupid reason to not tell Harry?
Are you happy with his final decision?