"THANK YOU FOR 100k READS OMG AAJGDKAVDJHSJD"
—Author-dono
"Ok, I'll admit that I'm guilty of forgetting that this book existed 🤡✌️. So feel free to just message/comment for me to update whenever I'm extra slow— tbh you can spam me as well—"
—Author-dono
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Please don't attack me for not knowing Shinsou's quirk 😃 I'm doing this off of memory oK-
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"WHAT THE FUCK RICHARD-" I screeched.
I couldn't attack KFC's bitch ass because any small movement of the sword, which is STILL through the box, would hurt Nezuko.
I bit my lip, high key giving KFC the hairy eyeball.
'What to do what to do.....
ah wait I have quirks.'
KFC gave me a nasty ass smirk, reminding me of a certain Pomeranian.
Tanjiro was also glaring at KFC— I mean of course his sister got stabbed.
To be honest if Monoma got stabbed I would just laugh— not gonna lie he would also be laughing too—
ANYWAY 😃✨
Being pissed, I decide to use Shinsou's quirk, just to make him feel powerless, because being powerless is annoying.
"Dear sir, what is your name?" I asked, smiling.
'Oh crap she didn't she a vine reference for once— she's really pissed—' Tanjiro's eyes widened. He attempted to stand up, but was stopped by a wave of pain, making him lay almost limp on the ground. 'If only I could help her...!'
KFC laughed, digging the sword deeper into the box. I swear I'm going to cry—
"Why does a demon want to know?! But, I'll be generous enough to tell you— I'm the wind pillar, Shinazugawa Sanemi!"
"Hmmm... Sanemi, Sanemi, Sanemi..." I murmured his name a few times, getting used to it.
He raised an eyebrow, though he was still smiling.
"Alright!" I grinned. "Sanemi-kun?"
"What do you want, demon."
"Sanemi kun, gently sheathe your sword back." I said, making sure to look at him straight into the eyes.
The other pillars observed our conversation with full curiosity, not bothering to step into our friendly chat.
Sanemi slowly pulled out the sword with false care, putting it back into its sheath.
"H-huh?" Mitsuri stuttered. "Did he just obey...?"
"Oh my, I believe that the little demon brainwashed him." Shinobu piqued with interest, observing how my eyes now tinted with a slight purple.
"Now, I need you to..."
Just like any classic cliche, I paused, and the air was tense.
'What is she gonna say...?'
"SIT BOY!!" I yelled, pointing a finger down towards the ground.
Sanemi dropped the box out of his hands and violently face planted onto the ground.
I laughed hysterically, having to hold my stomach for support.
"H-HOLY SHIT KABDIABODHSJ—"
"PFFT—"
Surprisingly it wasn't me that giggled, but the girl with three braids.
Everyone looked at her with a deadpanned expression, and she covered her face with embarrassment. "Sorry—"
"You bitch!" Sanemi hissed, standing up. His nose was bleeding, making him look hot—*slapped*
He went to grab the box again, but Tanjiro beat him to it, and headbutted the wind pillar, making him fall backwards.
I mentally cheered at his Iron Tank ass forehead.
Tanjiro gave Sanemi a glare. "If you can't tell the difference between a good demon and a bad demon, then you should just quit your job as a Pillar!"
I nodded, agreeing with his statement.
"Tch, I'll kill you both!" Sanemi growled with a smirk(that seemed to never get off his face-).
"Oyakata-sama has arrived." Two small girls interrupted, opening two slide doors from inside the building.
"Thank you for arriving safely, my dear children." A calming voice said.
Geez this mans should start a ASMR YouTube channel—
He had straight black hair that went down to his shoulders, and a half-scarred face.
'Todoroki but make it both sides JDBHX—' I wasn't given the chance t finish my mental scream, as the KFC Junior man smashed my face into the fucking ground.
'Yo I kinda enjoy this—'
Tanjiro's head was also bashed into the fucking ground, but by Danger Noodle-kun.
'Why is everyone bowing on one knee.' I scrunched my eyebrows, looking at all of them. 'Are y'all gonna give head or—'
'Oh wait they're bowing. Nevermind.'
The two small girls helped Oyakata-sama onto his knees to sit, which I'm guessing is either because of back pain or some illness. Wait I have back pain(because my posture is shit)— why can't I have little assistants to help me sit—
"We find it most honorable to be in your presence, Oyakata-sama." Sanemi said in a formal voice. "We eagerly pray for much happiness upon you."
Me and Tanjiro shared the same thought.
'Since when was he like that??'
"Thank you very much, Sanemi." Oyakata-sama smiled.
"Let me humbly say," Sanemi continued, "there were two people within the demon corps who has betrayed us, one named Kamado Tanjiro, who has carried around a demon with him, and a strange woman named Shrek (Y/N) who has somehow stopped the process of turning into a demon."
'OH SHIT.' I thought. 'I KNOW THAT WHEN I SIGNED UP FOR THE DEMON SLAYER CORPS I PUT MY LAST NAME AS 'Shrek' BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT BUT I DIDNT ACTUALLY EXPECT—'
I had to stop myself from dying to laughter, but i only ended up looking like a dying whale and had most of the pillars looking at me with the corner of their eye like I'm insane.
"I see." Oyakata-sama closed his eyes, with the content smile still on his face, "I'm sorry that they have surprised you all. But I have given my approval for Tanjiro, Nezuko, and Shrek. So I want you all to accept them."
'I PROBABLY SOUND LIKE A ROOMBA RIGHT NOW BYEKSBFJD'
"Even if Oyakata-sama wishes for us to do so, I am reluctant to give consent." The Rock Breath pillar said(this dude really took smoking weed to the other level hUh).
"I also flamboyantly oppose this." The Sound pillar said, glitter emojis floating around him.
I had to blow one that went towards me like a pesky fly.
😒💨✨
"I'll agree with anything you say, Oyakata-sama!" The love pillar squealed.
'Haven't you learned in third grade to raise you hand before speaking? Like jeez—'
"Either way's fine for me..." Muichiro muttered. "I'll forget anyways."
I gave him an offended look.
Shinobu and Giyuu remained silent.
Iguro, Rengoku, and Sanemi all took their turns in saying in a 5000 word essay of how much they won't accept it when they could just say 'me too' or 'mood'.
"The letter." Oyakata-sama beckoned to one of the children, and she nodded.
She took out a scroll, and started reading it out loud.
I decides that I didn't give a fuck wether I died or not and blocked out what she was reading, but of course, when my name was called, I twitched slightly and started listening.
"—as for Monoma (Y/N), she has come from a land far away, where demons don't exist."
'Ah shit. I think I forgot to tell the Tengu geezer that I was from the future—'
"She has been born with supernatural abilities, that do not exist where we are."
'Bītch really just snitched on me—'
"Nevertheless, if either Nezuko or (Y/N) ears another human, Urokodaki Sakonji and Tomioka Giyuu will commit ritual seppuku as an apology."
I froze at those words.
'Huh... so he does care. Fuck I feel weird—'
I noticed Tanjiro cry, and sent him a genuine smile. I suppressed my urges of patting his head, deciding to do it later.
"Even if they kill themselves, once either of these demons eat a human, that human life is gone." Sanemi contradicted. "There's no guarantee in all of this."
Oyakata-sama beamed a smile. "Although there is no guarantee that either of them won't eat a human, there isn't a guarantee that they will eat a human either."
I high key heard Sanemi click his tongue, and I couldn't suppress a smile.
"The truth is that Nezuko has not eaten a single human for two years, and (Y/N) is able to fight against these demon cells. Because of them, two people are putting their lives on the line. To deny this, the denier must present something more than what is here. Besides, Tanjiro has come in contact with the Muzan Kibutsuji."
Everyone whipped their head around to face Tanjiro, talking about how unbelievable it is and whatnot.
"Who the fuck is Muzan again?" I muttered, trying to recall the familiar name.
"....you said his name without the curse affecting you...?" Sanemi blinked a few times.
"OH, ITS THE HEE HEE BITCH!"
I got slapped in the head.
"No swearing in front of Oyakata-sama!"
Oyakata-sama raised a finger in front of his lips, which shut everyone up almost immediately.
'Holy shit I wish my 8th grade class was obedient like this.'
He continued talking about Tanjiro's encounter with Kibutsuji, and I kinda just stayed there like the fucki extra I am.
"...With all due respect, I do not understand, Oyakata-sama." Sanemi grit his teeth. "We can let humans live. But demons must not. I cannot consent."
Sanemi drew out his sword and slit his arm, drawing blood.
"HEY DEMONS! ITS TIME TO FEAST, YOU UGLY CREATURES!" He manically laughed, dripping blood onto Nezuko's box.
I deadpanned at him. "I'm sorry, but if you're trying to flirt with me, I hate to admit that I don't have a blood kink."
"...."
"...."
"..."
"Oh wait I'm supposed to be hungry."
"Shinazugawa, you have to do it in the shade if you want the demon to get out of the box." Boop Noodle stated.
"Oyakata-sama, forgive my rudeness." Sanemi apologized, and jumped into the building with the box.
"STOP!!" Tanjiro screamed, trying to get into the budino as well. He was stopped by the Snake Pillar, who firmly pressed his elbow onto Tanjiro's back.
I didn't take any action, but I kept a close eye on Sanemi's movements.
'Ok so the second that motherfucker stabs Nezuka I'll jump out with bakugo's explosions, breaking the rope while I'm at it, and then—'
"Tanjiro-kun, if you keep doing your breaths under the pressure, your blood vessels will explode." Shinobu said, giving him a pitiful look.
"Omg me next." I said, low key excited.
Once Tanjiro started screaming under the pressure, well damn I only felt embarrassed.
I knew the Snake pillar wouldn't kill him because of Oyakata-sama's orders, so why bother? Is what I guessed.
Instead I kept an eye on Nezuko, who emerged out of the box with a craved look.
Tanjiro escaped out of Obanai's grip, and jumped up onto his knees. "Nezuko!!"
Nezuko looked at Tanjiro, as if reflecting on her position at the moment. Aha gave Sanemi one last look before turning away, as if rejecting the 'meal' in front of her.
'PERIODT QUEEEN!!' I cheered.
"...what happened?" Oyakata-sama asked.
"The full demon girl turned the other way. Even though Shinazugawa-sama made himself bleed, and thrust his arm in front of her, she held herself back."
He hummed. "And the half demon girl?"
"She didn't react to the blood, but seemed more focused on the well being of the other demon."
"And so I believe that your point has been proven wrong." He smiled.
Ganjiro suddenly rememebred who he was facing, and went down to bow to him.
"Tanjiro, (Y/N), you may go rest now." Oyakata-sama smiled. "It's about time for the Pillar meeting to begin."
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HAHJAHAHAHAHAGA