Abstruse | H.S.

Chapter Six

TRIGGER!
mentions of sexual assault/rape
also contains mild mature scenes

"Seriously Ara?" Olive chuckles, "God you need to get laid." She says, tossing my oh so familiar toy on the bed.

My eyes widen at her, "Hey! Don't judge my lack of sex right now. I got dumped a month ago, remember?"

I had just gotten off of work an hour ago, it was 7pm, and Olive was running around my apartment all frantic to clean up claiming I was a 'slob'.

"I get that, and you know I'm sorry. But you and I both know Michael was a piece of shit." She huffs, "And you know what they say, the best way to get over him is to get under someone else."

"Jesus Olive it's just a vibrator, not the end of the world that I'm not having sex."

"It's not the end of the world, but you have to admit. Don't you miss just having fun and sleeping around? I guarantee it'll make you feel way better about the whole Michael thing." She says, sitting in my bed.

"Don't you miss it Miss 'Liam this, Liam that' ?" I fire back jokingly, "Plus you know how things ended with Michael and I. I don't want to risk getting attached again."

She looks at me, sympathetic, "I just really think it would help you. Back before you were with Michael you didn't have as bad episodes like you were having when you were with him and like you are now. I think that says something."

I nod, "Yeah it says something about him."

"My point exactly." She says, "Which is why we need wipe your last sexual partner out of the picture and replace it with someone new, and fun." She wiggles her brows at me, "Annnd my roommate is having a party tonight. There will be plenty of bachelors, Liam and the guys are tagging along too."

I groan, "Why are we always going out with them now? Cant we just party for once without them?"

She holds her hands up, "Hey don't get bad that I'm getting that dick, I take every opportunity I can."

Bitch.

"I hate you." I say and slump down to my bed.

"Have it your way, you can just stay here with your sad little battery operated boyfriend." She stands up from the bed, "I'm gonna go get things ready. If you change your mind you know where to find me." She ends by leaning over and kissing the top of my head and walking out the door.

I was not going to let her make me feel bad about not going. I really didn't want to.

Sex was something I really did enjoy, I'm a human being with a sex drive. It's not a crime to like it.

I didn't start having sex until I was 18. I was a late bloomer when it came to that kind of thing, because I was ashamed of wanting to have sex after things I had to endure sexually as a child. It didn't feel right for me wanting to want it after what had happened to me.

Some people lose their drive all together after having to go through something like I had to, but mine didn't. It just took me awhile to come to terms with it. When it wasn't something that was taken from you, and it wasn't something you were scared of anymore; it was actually amazing.

It's amazing what consent and maturity can do for you.

It still bothered me. What happened to me. It's not like I completely shut it out, even though I tried my hardest to. I still get uneasy when certain things remind me of those nights.

Like the dark.

I still got my fair share of what women everyday have to go through, because men are pigs. They're disgusting. You can't go on a walk without being cat called, you can't work at a restaurant without creepy men asking you to smile for them, you can't go to a bar without having a random stranger feeling you up. You couldn't really do anything normal as a woman without being watched and teased by the eyes and words of a dirty man. Makes me sick.