Doubt

Epilogue

Five years after the wedding: 

Madara:

"Fetch! I said fetch! Ahh, motherFUCKER!"

My husband laughed warmly as Scilla, our two-year-old golden retriever rescue, ran in the opposite direction of the frisbee and jumped on me, covering me in kisses. 

"EEEEEEEEWWWWW!"

Apparently, I was a far better catch than a frisbee. 

Hashi came and held his hand out, and I took it. He smiled warmly at me. At age thirty-nine, the crowfeet in the corner of his eyes and the lines on his forehead gave his face a depth that I found extremely attractive. His hair was long and strong as ever, tickling my face as he pulled me up into a warm embrace. He brushed the snow off my back. We still lived in the same place, and the winter scenery was extraordinary, and the grounds surrounding the cottage perfect for a dog with a lot of extra energy. 

Hashirama had told me about the dream he'd grown of having a golden retriever-rescue one day, and I had accepted, quite reluctantly to be honest. But as soon as I lay eyes on her, I had fallen in love. I had cried at the rescue centre. 

"We can't leave her here!" I had wailed. 

The love I felt for her was indescribable. 

"Hot chocolate?" Hashi asked, kissing some snow on my cheek away.

"Ooooohh!" I exclaimed. 

We sat on the couch, the three of us huddled together. Scilla had a lot of energy, but Hashi had worked so hard to make her perfectly polite. She respected boundaries in a way I suspected wasn't normal for a dog; if we put a tiny obstacle to a room, she never entered despite easily being able to climb over. She also knew she wasn't allowed on the couch unless invited. But now, she was, and Hashirama had one arm around me, and the other around Scilla. Me and Hashi was holding a cup of his homemade hot chocolate with vegan marshmallows each, and Elf was playing on the TV (mostly because we suspected Scilla had a crush on Will Ferrel, to be honest). The fireplace was burning, and the snow had begun to fall outside again. 

I was indescribably happy. 

Scilla reached her paw out to me, and I smiled at her and took it. We were a perfectly happy family of three.

"Madara", Hashirama suddenly said. I could feel it was something serious. 

I sat up. "Hashi?"

"I want to adopt a child", he said, looking at me earnestly. "I would like us to become fathers together."

I sat up fully now, looking at him with huge eyes. "You... You mean that." It wasn't a question.

"No pressure! If it's not what you want... Or if you need to wait... It's just- Ahh! Shit, this is hard. I just think we would be a very, very good team in raising a child. And we have so much money, we could easily take time off work for a while to just be a family. We've travelled so much, done so much... Is it time?"

For a while, I just stared at him.

"Me... A father... You think I could?" My thoughts went to Izuna, whom I couldn't save. 

"Madara..." Hashirama took my face in his hands. "You have the biggest heart I have ever come across. You would be the best father in the world."

I felt a heat start up somewhere I the pit of my stomach. It started burning white-hot, spread to fill my heart, my lungs. At thirty-five, it wasn't as if the thought had never crossed me. Quite the opposite actually; whenever I'd seen Hannah's baby, there had been a tug in my heart I hadn't been able to understand.

Up until now.

"Hashi..." I entwined our fingers. "I would love to become a father with you."

And together, we started yet another journey together, alongside so many journeys we'd already taken. 

And in my heart were two spots.

One that was my little brother, Izuna, that had been dead for twelve years now. 

And the other was Hashirama.

And that spot was forever full. 

Of him.

And of us.

End.