Doubt

16

Hashirama:

I was certain Madara would be invited, and had feared seeing him all night. Spouses would be here, too...

I had been a wreck of nerves all evening, but hid it well, confidently chatting with the other lawyers. The venue was beautiful, expensive-looking, warmly lit with a huge Christmas tree in the middle. But it all had been hazed over with the thick mist that was my nerves.

And then the crash.

I realised my subconscious had, unbeknown to me, waited for something like that to happen, because that would lead me to Madara who would, inevitably, be the source.

I had reached my hand down to him.

He had taken it and let me help him up, just like in the cafe almost one year ago.

"You will see me again. We will see each other again."

He was a bit wobbly on his feet, but he seemed fine, although embarrassed.

But I hardly noticed.

I was in a state of chock.

Not of seeing Madara; I had expected that.

But there was something else.

When I had helped him up, I had noted he no longer had his wedding band around his finger.

And he seemed very much without a spouse.

Madara:

We stood outside on the vast balcony, shoulder-to-shoulder which had happened naturally as the night was cold and we were only in our suits. Hashirama looked incredible with his hair in a low, messy bun. 

"How do you feel?" he asked me warmly, leaning against the railing with his underarms, his fingers knotted together.

"Better, thank you."

"No, I mean..." I could see him looking at my left ring finger. How do you feel?" 

And I told him everything.

About the psychiatric ward, about Christopher's visits, about moving, about his letters. The display of chock on Hashirama's face when he realised Christopher was my spouse surprised me, but turned out he had deleted Facebook and no longer knew anything about what his old friend was doing. I dare to tell him how much we'd loved each other, but how that had changed when I met Hashirama a year ago. About how it felt having your life wrecked at twenty-nine after believing you had your forever set out for you. 

"I..." Hashirama looked at me, eyes large like a doe caught in traffic lights. "I affected you that much?"

I smiled lopsidedly. "I didn't let it on, did I?"

He smiled back. "Not the slightest." 

"I will never forget how you sat down when you recognised me without the judge having given you permission because you were so shocked! Seriously, you didn't recognise me until she said my name?"

"Nope!" There was so much happiness in his voice that I noticed he tried to conceal as I was talking about such a deep sadness in my life, but he couldn't hide things like that from me. Up until this day, I knew him too well, despite the incredibly short time span we'd spent together and how much time that had passed since then. 

I told him about the house that I now lived in, that I needed to move out in three days but had no idea where and I really, really didn't want to attach myself to a new place yet by buying.

"Stay with me", Hashirama said. I thought it was a joke, but when I turned to look at him, he had the most serious expression I'd ever seen him have. 

"Hashirama, no, I can't-"

"I'm serious, Madara. Not as a partner, but as a roommate. I have a lot of space and you don't need to feel any pressure. If we were to only remain friends for the rest of our lives, I'm fine with that. But please, I would like to do this for you."

I looked at him. Yes, a voice inside my head said. Yes!!

It's not like you have any better options, do you? 

I smiled warily at him. "Hashirama, thank you. You can change your mind whenever you want. I promise! If you wake up one day and feel like 'nope, too much Madara', please do not hesitate to chuck me out, I promise I will manage, I have a lot of money and-"

I suddenly felt his presence pressed against my body. I looked up and saw his face was right above mine. 

"Madara..." He put his finger underneath my chin.

Then he bent down and kissed me.

The kiss was first just a featherlight touch to begin with, his bottom lip gently brushing against my upper, the red flesh twitching, massaging tentatively. He took one step closer, pressing his upper body to mine, but gently enough to still remain polite. He lifted his hands and removed my glasses, looking me straight into my eyes.

"Your eyes are the same..."

Then he connected our lips once more, and this time, the kiss was forceful, full of intent, full of meaning and it felt like that meaning was spoken in a language only the two of us could speak. I put my hands on his strong arms, stroked the fabric of his suit. He put his hands around my waist, sneaking underneath, finding my waist that was soft above my belt. I never tucked my shirts in like Hashi did, so he could easily access my skin.

"God, I'm fucking tired of this suit-wearing fuckery", I breathed. "Let's go somewhere you don't need a suit."

When Hashirama continued the kiss, I could feel his cheeks were wet because he was crying. 

"Wow... you live here year round?"

"Yes", I said, smiling while letting him in. "Welcome..." I scooped him up into my embrace, and he shrieked. "...to your new home, Mr. Uchiha."

"Where are we going?" I laughed.

Hashi suddenly stopped dead. "To my bedroom, I thought, but I'm sorry, I shouldn't-"

"Take me there." I planted a kiss on his lips. "I want you to take me there."