Finding Him

Chapter Eighteen

Choices could be so simple. We could choose something in less then a second if we wanted to. You could choose one drink over the other or one shirt over the other with ease. Except, more often then not, choices were incredibly difficult. For instance, how do you choose one love over the other?

That was the choice I was faced with now. Left or right. Over or under. This way or that. Dex or Will.

I guess I've always known I'd have to make this choice eventually. I mean obviously. What was I going to do? Marry them both?

I sit on the floor of the dance studio. School is over. Homework is done. Mom is somewhere besides here. All is right. I can I finally breathe. The dance studio is the only place besides the beach where I feel at home. Well maybe besides Dex's arms.

The studio is painted a light lavender with white borders and big elegant black handwriting is swirled across it stating DANCE. The mirror reflects my image. I see myself, the real version of myself. My hair it in a tight bun, except one pesky tendril of hair escapes and curls at the side of my face. A light sweat forms on my tanned skin. My lips are pink and slightly chapped. My slender body is pulled into a tight black leotard and tan, thin dance shoes are slapped onto my feet.

I tap my fingers on the dark black dance floor. I sigh and look at floor.

"What do I do?" I whisper to the mirror me. Her lips move as mine do, almost replying except she can't because she can't answer anything I can't answer.

I'm glad I have my own private session tonight. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have this time to think. Even my dance teacher left, noticing my distraction. She just stopped the music and smiled weakly before padding out the room, letting her hair out of her signature bun and closing the door. I would have to thank Miss Monique later.

Quietly getting up, I walk over to the stereo and glance it up and down before reaching out a tentative finger and pressing the 'play' button.

A light soft music wafts across the room, filling it with a sad mournful sound that makes my want to cry. I walk back to of the center of the room and look myself in the mirror again.

"List all the things you love about each one." I say to myself as the music slowly begins to start the part I actually dance to.

I lift my hands above my head and breathe. "Dex first," I whisper.

I lift my leg to my head and look down at the floor mournfully. "He's understanding."

I start to spin in fast circles, my head whipping around to stare myself in the mirror every time I finish a rotation.

"He's always been there for me, he has never left me alone when I needed him." I continue. I finish my turns and fall into the splits in despair, looking side to side. Without realizing, I had fallen into a routine I had learned to this song when I was thirteen.

"He knows the past me." I murmur, sliding forward on the floor with my arms outstretched, reaching for something I can't have.

"He's handsome and athletic and sweet." I half-smile, forgetting in this routine I'm supposed to be sad. I bang my fist on floor and arch my back in agony, the smile slipping off my face.

"God, those eyes." I sigh, flipping backwards, landing, and spinning on my toe in a frantic circle. I'm still searching.

"He's one of my best friends. One of the closest people to me in my whole life." I say, beginning a new series of turns.

"Now Will," I exhale with my breath. I run to the right and extend to my arms forward, only I'm met by a fake "wall''. I bang the empty air with my fists before sliding to the floor.