17 Days [Justin Bieber]

Day Seventeen ❤ Part Two

San Francisco, California
July 10, 2012
Day Seventeen
10 A.M.

Zero Days Left...

Last Day

Addison

"I'm so scared." I cried out to Justin, meanwhile I fell to the floor of my bathroom. I honestly don't know why I was so scared now; I hadn't been scared before. Why now? Why now, that it was my day to leave this world to enter a new one? I realized that there is so much to live for now, that I had been with Justin. Before, I didn't mind me leaving but now, I was so scared to die. What would happen to me? Would I just go to sleep and never wake up? That seemed so scary to me now.

If Justin hadn't been whispering things in my ear, then I wouldn't have even noticed that he had been hugging me at the moment.

"Why do I have to die, Justin?" I cried some more. "What did I ever do to deserve this? I've never done anything wrong. I've always listened to my parents; I've always been a good student. I've always tried to be the best for everybody, but it was just not worth it. I'm still going to die." Deep down inside, I knew that I was going to have an emotional breakdown. But what do you expect from someone who is hours away to her death? Through my uncontrollable sobs, I still managed to keep on talking. "I don't want to leave you, Justin. I want to stay here with you. I want to be able to marry you, and have kids with you. I don't want to lose you." I held onto Justin tighter. He was my rock right now; he was the only one that could help me balance my feelings. "Don't let me go Justin. Please, don't let me go." I just kept on crying and crying on Justin's bare chest. Justin kept me in his arms, holding my tightly against him. He knew that he had to be strong for me right now, just like all those other times that I had been strong for him. But I could tell that Justin was hurting too. He was in pain, but he was staying strong for me. All those tears and sobs left me, and once I was done, I felt somewhat better. I had been holding in all of that for the past months, ever since they told me that I had a little amount of time left to live. I always thought that dying would be so much better than living in pain but now it seemed that the tables had turned; living in pain was better than dying to me right now. All I wanted was to stay here and be by Justin's side at all times.

"Please stop crying, Addison. I'm not going anywhere; I just want to make you happy. I don't want to see you cry. Remember when you told me that you didn't want a heart transplant; do you remember those words that you told me?" He asked me with hope in his eyes, but right now I just couldn't think about anything at all. I shook my head at him and then he smiled. "You told me this: 'Justin, thanks for trying to make me live longer but you have to understand that I was born with this heart that I have inside of me, and I want to die with this heart inside of me; I don't want someone else's heart'. That's what you told me and I had to accept your decision; I would never force you into something that you didn't want to do, so I didn't. Even though inside I really wished that you would say yes and get the heart transplant, I respected your decision and you got to keep your own heart inside of you." Justin gave me a comforting smile as his eyes started to well up with tears. It seemed like Justin's tough wall - as I liked to call it - was crumbling down, slowly, but it was crumbling down. No one can stay that strong for someone that they care so dearly about and that they're about to lose.

"Justin, please don't cry." This made Justin well up some more tears in his eyes, in those beautiful, big hazel/brown eyes. "No, no. Why are you crying?" I started to try and wipe his tears away but it just wasn't working. More tears came up to his eyes by the second.

"I'm crying because you're crying. I don't want to see you cry today, you told me that you would always want to stay smiling but you're obviously not smiling right now." He took a deep breath and then continued. "I just thought that maybe today we could go do something fun and forget about the rest of the people and about what's going to happen today, but you don't seem okay for that." He looked into my eyes and said, "I don't want to lose you either, Addison. I wish - I wish that you could stay here with me, but it's in God's hands now." I just nodded my head but at the same time I didn't understand. Why would God want to take me away from the people that I loved so much -people that I would give up my life for, if it were ever needed?