SUMMER'S END

17

Robyn had acted on instinct as much as on desire and she had no way of knowing that, a mere half hour after following Nicki up the stairs, she’d stand trembling with her back against a bunch of lesbian erotica anthologies. She turned around and browsed them again, but they couldn’t hold her interest anymore. She didn’t want words, least of all sentences on paper—no matter how arousing. She wanted action, soft hands on her breasts and nipples in her mouth. She made her way down and headed straight into the sea, in desperate need of cooling off. Time went by excruciatingly slowly, as if slowing down to torment her. She couldn’t focus on her book, didn’t find any songs she wanted to listen to on her iPod, and when Dao served her a drink on the patio, it felt odd to not receive it from Nicki. She watched the other couple leave and exhaled, hoping they wouldn’t return too soon. She waited in vain for a glimpse of Nicki, but either she took her sweet time with the errands or she was actively avoiding Robyn until their ‘date’. Maybe she had pushed it by calling it that. But maybe Nicki needed a little push. Maybe it was all she needed. Just as Robyn headed to her room to get ready, Nicki walked in.
“Dinner in an hour?” she asked dryly, almost matter-of-factly, as if nothing had changed since she’d asked the same question two nights ago. Robyn nodded and wondered what on earth she’d do with herself the next hour. She opted for a quick shower and a stroll on the beach to at least make an attempt at clearing her head. The problem was that she had no desire to forget about anything that had happened since she arrived. Nicki served a simple cold beef salad, which tasted delicious enough, but Robyn experienced some trouble with her appetite. The moment Nicki had sat down opposite her, hunger had ceased to be of any importance in Robyn’s world. Instead of the black t-shirts Robyn had only seen her in, Nicki wore a tight sleeveless blouse and the sight of it nearly cut of Robyn’s air supply. They’d moved a table out of the garden onto the beach and the early evening roar of the sea was their only soundtrack. Robyn didn’t really know where to begin or what to ask, so she resorted to pushing around a piece of meat on her plate.
“You don’t like it?” Nicki’s eyes flickered in the light of the oil lamp that dangled from a makeshift stand next to their table.
“On the contrary, really, it’s just—”
“Are you nervous?” The kindness oozing from Nicki’s face melted Robyn’s heart. She could feel it turn to liquid in her chest. Where before a hardness had surrounded it, a line of defence she didn’t even knew she had, now it all lay open, ready for whatever was to come.
“A little.” For the first time, Robyn felt her age. Opposite her sat a woman with so many more years of experience in life and love than her, and she thought it best to let Nicki do the talking. Wasn’t
that what they were here for, anyway? Not seeming very hungry herself, Nicki shoved her plate away and instead focused her attention on the bottle of beer that accompanied the dish.
“This is all rather romantic, of course.” She cast her eyes to the sky above. “It’s a full moon as well.”
“Perfect,” Robyn said before nervously taking a swig from her beer.
“I don’t know what’s going on between us, Robyn. I have no idea where you came from all of a sudden and why you make me feel things I haven’t felt in a long time…Well, have allowed myself to feel to be more exact.” She gave a tense chuckle. “That kiss this afternoon took me by surprise and at the same time, it felt as if it was a long time coming, even though you’ve barely just arrived.” Nicki bit her lip before continuing. “It takes someone very special to make me feel like that. I need you to know that.” Robyn nodded. To her surprise, Nicki pushed her chair back. “Do you want to go for a walk?”
“I’d love to.”
They carried the dishes inside and Nicki locked the back door before they set off into the darkness.
“I was twenty-five when I met the love of my life.” Nicki’s fingers found Robyn’s in the dark and entwined themselves with hers. “Her name was Ingrid and she swept me off my feet. Quite literally. We ran into each other while both turning a corner in a hurry. At first, I wanted to yell at this stranger who had the audacity to steal my precious time—I was that kind of person back then. But she changed me. Changed everything about me.”
Nicki’s fingers gripped tighter. They walked barefoot along the shoreline, the waves casually licking their toes. “I was a junior investment banker and I thought I was terribly important managing other people’s money.” Nicki’s tight laugh sounded bitter in the night. “But all it took to disarm me was a smile.” She paused. “Gosh, that sounds terribly cheesy, but that’s how I’ve always remembered it.”
Nicki pointed at an old overturned boat away from the shoreline. “Let’s sit there for a moment.” She didn’t let go of Robyn’s hand when they approached the boat and leaned against it for support.
“We fell in love. Made a life together. Were ridiculously happy together until…” Robyn felt her stomach tighten. Nicki’s hand slipped out of her grasp. “I killed her.”
Silence surrounded them. The night was black around them, except for a few night lights of beach houses. Robyn thought she had misheard, but then Nicki repeated, “I killed the woman I loved more than anything in this world.”