SUMMER'S END

40

Nicki’s flight from Bangkok to Heathrow had been uneventful fellow passenger and weather wise, but a turbulence had been steadily building in her gut from the minute they had departed. She’d sold the Lodge to Sam who had assured her it would not be
bulldozed by land developers. She’d packed up her few belongings, filled a few boxes with the books from her library and shipped them to her parents’ house for safekeeping until she found her own place. Her father, who, despite being retired, still taught heavily attended guest lectures at his university, had promised to enquire about an assistant teaching position in the Economics department. Her mother had insisted that Nicki stay with them when she arrived until she got on her feet but, as expected, Robyn would have none of that. These were all practicalities. Issues that had a tendency to work themselves out. She had made enough money from the sale of the Lodge to live on for a while. And she’d surely be spending her nights in Robyn’s bed. But, had she, after all was said and done, made the right decision? Would leaving her cocoon be worth it? Going to London with a return ticket in her pocket was an entirely different experience than arriving with no definite plans for the future. She’d had to shed her armour before boarding the plane. She had to leave it behind, because there was no more room for the old her in London. A million questions had kept her awake on the flight, despite the bottle of red wine she’d polished off—something that usually did the trick. The holidays were fast approaching—a time of year she always expertly ignored at the Lodge—and for the first time in years she’d have family commitments. Perhaps even a tree. For the first time in years she’d have to give the memories a place. She’d have to catalogue them as the past while looking at the future, at Robyn. It was all easy enough to theorise about, to dream of out loud over Skype, but what would it actually feel like to step into the arrival’s lounge and start another new life. Nicki was about to find out. She collected her luggage and was again baffled by the fact that all the belongings she’d wanted to take fit into two suitcases. She took a deep breath before pushing the trolley through the glass gate. Spotting Robyn instantly in the thick crowd, an unfamiliar warmth engulfed her. Any doubt that had formed on the way over, dissipated at the sight of the blonde curls peeking from under Robyn’s pink woolen hat. Don’t cry, please, don’t cry. But the tears were already rolling down Nicki’s cheeks. They stood facing each other for a few seconds, as if needing to let the moment and all its consequences sink in, before opening their arms and falling into a hug.
“Welcome to your new life,” Robyn whispered, between sobs, into her ear. Nicki held her close for long minutes and everything fell away. The people around them. The reasons for doubting her decision. All the things that didn’t matter. It was her and Robyn now. Nicki looked down at the grey marble headstone. “I’m back,” she whispered. “I’ve met someone who taught me how to live again.” She inhaled the crisp mid-November air. “I think you’d like her.” She reached for the gloved hand dangling next to hers and squeezed it.
“Thank you for bringing me here,” Robyn said in a soft voice. “It means a lot.”
“I’m ready, babe.” Nicki faced away from the headstone and looked into Robyn’s blue eyes. “I’m ready to start living again.” Robyn’s lips curved into a smile, her cheeks dimpling and her eyes saying all that needed to be said. “You do realise that now
you’re ‘temporarily’ staying with me, you’ll never be able to move out, right?” Nicki giggled, but her giggle soon turned into a deep belly laugh. “And you really don’t know any of the lesbian jokes, do you?”
The look of vexed indignation on Robyn’s face was priceless. Nicki pulled her close and kissed her before turning to Ingrid’s headstone once more.
She grabbed Robyn by the hand and, fingers intertwined, they walked away.
“I did my research on toaster ovens and U-Hauls, you know,” Robyn said once they’d exited the cemetery. Nicki chuckled. “I love you,” she said, as she drew Robyn near and kissed her again. “Maybe we should get another kitten.”