Strings That Binds Us

↳ 05

It's too late.

It's 3 AM in the morning.

I woke up crying and screaming. Tears are unstoppably streaming down my face. I heard loud knocks coming from my room's door but I couldn't stand up, I couldn't move.

The dream.

It feels so real, to the point that I thought I really did it.

I thought it was true.

I thought it really happened.

I thought it's the last memory I will ever have.

There's only one thing I have in mind while I feel like I can't do anything like my body has its own mind. I was thinking of all the things I still wanted to do. It's not yet my time.

Not yet.

A lot of things are not yet happening that should happen, that I should encounter, that I should face. There's still a lot. Maybe it's not too late to make things happen.

That was two weeks ago.

And it's been two weeks ever since my parents led me to their known psychiatrist. They thought, maybe I need professional help since I cannot tell them what was going on. That I have not been telling them that I was dreaming of such a thing repeatedly. That I have been thinking long ago. That there was something wrong

"Indie," Dr. Sullivan, my psychiatrist called me. "Are you now ready to tell me what happened to your last dream?"

Last.

The last dream happened two weeks ago. That was the last because the person completing that dream was already gone. The first time I was brought here, that's when I realized that I was dreaming of someone else's lifetime.

A life that I could never wish to befall me.

"It was like... there were flashes," I started, looking at somewhere while reminiscing the dream.

"Flashes of what?"

"Flashes of scenes," I rested. "Good scenes," I appended.

"You mean, no violence? No distressing emotions or resentment? Just like your other dreams?"

I nodded. "At first, I thought it was the beginning of a new set of dreams. I thought this time, I'll be dreaming the good stuffs since that time, I was picturing of myself," I smiled, but it instantly vanished upon reliving what transpired next. "But turns out, it was the beginning of an end."

"Why?"

"It seems so weird that I feel like the flashes were like a warning, a reason for myself to suspend whatever plan I have in mind, because after the flashes, I was inside a small, dark, cold room."

My lips started to quiver. I was again reminded of how many times I breathed deeply in that dream. How many times I tried to examine if I was really there in that situation like all the hopes I have were gone.

Like it was all too late to change my mind.

I feel like I was so drained in that dream.

"Then what happened next?"

"I remember myself opening my room's window, the moon became the only light I had in the room, I felt the cold air touching my skin. I remember myself smiling upon seeing the moon, trying to reach it by my hands. I remember breathing and I..."

"It's okay, Indie. You can do it," Dr. Sullivan tried to calm me as tears began to fall, like a faucet I just turned on.

"I... I remember walking away from the window. I remember how tears started to pour out. I remember murmuring something but I couldn't surmise what it was and then, I stood up from a chair. I remember putting the rope on my... how I closed my eyes before I..."

I couldn't proceed. Just by narrating that dream, my heart feels like it was being squeezed. It wasn't just the dream which is vivid, the feeling was also vivid. It feels like it was really occurring.

That dream made me discerned how blessed I am to have this life, that I don't need to ask why am I still here? It hit me that if ever I get tired of this life, I just have to think of all the people that love me and that someone out there would need me someday.

To remind them to live.

Because in my dream's case, I could've save my other self, but then, maybe it was really bound to happen. Maybe my other self, got tired. Base from her situations that I've seen, maybe she got full of it.

She couldn't carry all those baggage anymore as she only got herself. If only I can exist there, I could've saved her.

Before all of it happened.