Strings That Binds Us

↳ 02

Run.

Run for your life.

I've been running incessantly from the whispers inside my head. What more could I do right? I have to move, because if not... Will I still make it?

But running is tiring, infuriating, and it's not satisfying.

Once, in the middle of crying, I tried listening to the whispers. Tears stopped streaming in an instance. The next thing I grasp, blood is dripping.

I wasn't worried for my veins that almost got scraped by the sharpness of the thing I was holding. I was more concerned for people to see it. I was afraid to see them scared of me. Horrified to see them fear me rather than worry about me.

They might presume that I'm crazy, a psycho.

And so, I covered the visible cuts with make-up before I get to school. It surely stung a bit, but it's fine.

You've always wanted the things she has, now it's all yours, thief.

Hearing those words from Olivia makes me want to do it again. Hearing those words shows that they care for Ingrid more than me. Maybe they haven't noticed how much I sought to fit in with her, Ingrid, and Braxton. How hard I worked to fit in with their circle. Maybe I wasn't really enough, maybe I'm just really not good enough as a friend.

Months already passed but even so, everyone can't still move on from my sister's death. Olivia's been evoking that I wanted everything to befall because I yearned for Ingrid's life, that I've always aimed to steal the spotlight to Ingrid.

I wanted them to stop but I don't have the right to complain. I shouldn't complain because who am I to do so? There are more bad days coming to me, this is not the toughest battle I'd face.

But can't I really complain?

I never knew that family and friends can get you heartbroken. I never knew that they are the biggest heartbreak I'm living with. The biggest heartbreak I should live with.

But still, they mean so much to me. I cannot walk away and turn my back to them as simple as that. Even if in my perspective, looking at my whole life.

I admit.

It terrifies me because my entire life is not forthe fainted heart.