All That You Will

Forty

WE JUST STARE at each other for long seconds. His ribs are moving up and down as both of our heavy breathings take over our surroundings. I can feel my lips trembling. His eyes are soft as he looks at me with his furrowed eyebrows.

       All of a sudden, he transfers his gaze away from me and brushes his hair upwards. With that action, his slicked-back hair became disheveled.

       He sighs. "Let go back to the business." He then walks to where he was seated earlier. I sit back again and try to compose myself. I wipe the new set of tears that is about to fall before he even take a seat and see it.

       His chair is parallel to where I am seated. His standing apart from his chair and in between us is the coffee table.

       We just confessed our love that didn't lose to each other. Now what?

       "Siena..." he mutters. His face is joyless and his tone is soft as if surrendering.

       I look up at him with sorrow. Dried-up tears are surely evident right now that he's staying closer to me than earlier.

       "Are we fine?" he suddenly asks.

       I breathe heavily."I guess so."

       "Do you think we'll ever be lovers... again?"

       I close my eyes, trying to process what he's saying. My heart is aching as how his heart's still screaming for me despite all that happened. I want him to be mad at me. Could he at least raise his pride? How did I deserve this man? What did I do to deserve Morpheus?

       I want to be the one who will redeem the hearts that I have broken. I want to be the one who will heal our hearts. I want to be the one who will make the beats of our hearts in the same rhythm again. I want to be the one who will give him all that he will.

       Tears swiftly cascade down my face. "I don't think I can do this again."

       I left him stunned. He washes his right hand all over his face and he met my eyes after. "What is forcing you for you to not make us a thing again, Siena? Are you being selfish to yourself now and not just to the people around you?" He purses his lips. "Give in to yourself! Give in to me..." 

       I'm not being selfish right now, Morpheus. I'm being selfless.

       "You're so hard to read." His voice cracks.

       My heart broke.

       I thought I was an open book for him. Well, I was. I know he could read me better than I do. Selfishness made me become a close book to him and starting then, my life became uncertain.

       "Morpheus, how? How could I ever do this again when you're not allowing me to redeem you in my own ways? Let me show you the way I could give you all you want because it's always been me against you, this against that, all that I will, and not all that you will!" I sob and look up at the ceiling to wipe off my tears. I put my gaze on him. "Let me, Morpheus."

       "All I want is just to be next to you, Siena... That's all I want."

       I just stare at him. I stand up and go close to him. I touch his soft cheeks and caress them with all passion. Tears keep falling and falling from my eyes. I bring my face closer to his face even more like I'm memorizing its every detail.

       He's the book I failed to read, but now I'm here standing right in front of him again to memorize it rather than read it. This time I'll do much better, for my two Zels.