All That You Will

Ten

I TURN OFF the stove and take out the utensils. Later I'll call him to eat here, or should we eat inside my bedroom instead like what he did for me a while ago where he served my food? I should do that.

I leave Vera some texts earlier but she's not responding. She is supposed to be staying here with me and now I feel like I'm her mom that doesn't know her daughter's whereabouts. But she's with Collin last night, so maybe she stayed in Collin's place. There's nothing to worry about if that's the case.

I hear my bedroom door thud and it reveals Morpheus' physique from the pillar separating my kitchen and bedroom.

I didn't allow him to go with me here in the kitchen because I wanted to surprise him with his favorite food that I just finished cooking. He was supposed to refrain me from being alone here because he's so worried about my feet but I was too eager that he didn't succeed. He suggested that we should just order food and binge-watch inside my room instead even though he wanted to try the food I'll be cooking.

He's still bringing up my swollen feet where it's not something he should be worrying about because the swell is easily gone time by time.

I don't wanna make things that'll make him worry even more but I admit that I love the feeling of him worried about me. It just feels different when you have someone significant who's there with you and cares for you.

I'm now finding myself being attached to him. He's not hard to admire.

My admiration for him has no walls. We have no walls surrounding us. It has no bounds. And I think this is a bonus for us that we have no boundaries in between. Love is the only one that's missing and I can feel it coming for me anytime soon. But I'm also scared about the arrival because surely, there will be an unexpected part. It's either I'll lose or I'll win.

"Hey," I greet him.

I assume that he might already finish two episodes of the documentary he was watching with me a while ago by now and he probably stopped watching after he realized that I was taking too long to get back inside my room to be with him.

His eyes are a bit weary. It looks like he just woke up from a nap. I felt so guilty that he had adequate sleep because of what he did to me while I was drunk last night and my whole body's incompletely agitated. He's with me until it quietens down.

"Just the right timing," I say.

I put our bowl next to the stove, ready to fill up.

"You cooked sopas?" he asks with a glimpse of surprise on his face.

I guess I succeeded on this one. A point for me there.

I smile widely at him. "Yeah," I answer, a bit awkward with the idea that I made a surprise for him.

I'm not used to doing surprises, even with my friends.

I'm not an affectionate person. I don't normally voice out what I feel for people. I show them how I love them in my presence. I'm always present at my family and my friend's gatherings. That's my way of showing my love for them. I know it's lacking but it's all that I could give.

That's why I hate how I'm such a big observer. I can sense whenever something or someone changes even for a little bit. And I hate it when I find change for my being and of course for the people I love.

I hate changes.

But I know deep down that I should not see change as some sort of a bad thing. I should change my perspective and have a positive outlook on it instead.