Transgendered: My Story

breakingdown

I feel as if I'm gonna have a break down at any freaking moment. I can't seem to even handle getting dressed anymore with out almost breaking down. I feel like hell. Why can't I just be happy? Why the hell do I have to deal with going through each day hating myself competely?

It's getting really hard to handle. I have been talking to my mom and she asked me how I'm gonna explain the whole transgender thing with my little siblings who are ages 10, 7, and 6. And I couldn't answer that.

I really just want to crawl up into a little ball and cry my eyes out until I can no longer cry. I'm surprised I could even make it to school today.

Oh and joys I have drivers ed today at 6 to 8:30 at night so that means I won't be home until 9 and I will only have enough time to shower, brush my teeth, and maybe have enough time to watch some YouTube if my dad shuts up.

Also because my phone wants to be an asshole I had to restart the whole thing so now I have hardly any music to listen to, to get me through the day so by the end of the school day I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have a meltdown and my friends are going to have to pick up the pieces.

I feel like I just unload a ton of crap onto my friends all the time and I always ask if they are OK with it and they always say yes but I don't really think they are. I hate having to depend on them to help me.

I should be able to hold myself up I shouldn't need anyone that's how I got hurt so badly when I was going through another rough time.

I just wanna take pills and just sleep my life away.

Oh and since I haven't had my period in 3 months I had to go in and get it checked out and now my doctor is making me take these pills that will make me have my period. And then he asked me if I wanted birth control to make it so that I will have it every month because my period is so weird and I swear I almost had a heart attack.

My dad even told me he wants me to do the birth control. I freaked out. I can't even shower without crying how the he'll am I gonna have sex?! Plus a period just makes me worse so hell no I don't want it. So in the end he won't make me take birth control.

I can't even get a guy much less a girl to look at me much less have sex so I'm screwed right now. I hate my life. Can't I just curl up and sleep this life away??