Transgendered: My Story

Im getting there

Alright so last night I went to a doctors appointment because I have a problem with the skin on my scalp because I grow skin more often there than its suppose to so I get these big scabs that don't hurt or itch so the doctor didn't do anything about it.

But here's the good/bad part. I'm being put on anti depressants. good because then I won't be so sad and bad because I shouldn't be having to take them in the first place.

I'm going to talk to my dad about pronouns but not male. what I want to do is take baby steps to get him into better because he is not good with fast change so what I wanna do is meet in the middle and instead of female pronouns or male ones use the gender neutral ones. example ze, hir, hirself. the hir is said here and ze said zee. So we are meeting halfway on that so he doesn't have to call me male and I don't have hear him call me female.

Then for things like bathrooms in just going to use the single bathrooms where both males and females can go in. for binding I wanna meet halfway between what I want and what he wants and see if I can get bras that actually makes the chest look smaller but don't go all the way away so maybe I can hide it under a baggy outfit on days I feel a lot more masculine than normal.

I hope my dad is willing to work with that because I don't know how else to ease him into it because I do know now it just doesn't effect me but everyone around me.

Today at lunch a guy I have known for about a month just found out I'm transgender and his reaction?

"Oh so that's why they call you Alex instead of aaliyah. that's cool."

Then just went on with it not even caring in the slightest and that honestly made me happy. I'm glad to know more people are less caring about what someone but who someone is.

I also kinda made a new friend and he told me sometimes he likes to cross dress when he heard I am transgender. he asked me what I thought of that and I told I didn't care that it was none of my business if he is male female no gender all genders or just a guy who likes to dress differently or if he was purple with pink spots. but I made sure to tell him that I'm not gonna judge him.

And at the beginning of this journal I had no idea where I was gonna be in six months if I was going to have no friends and no family who cares. but no I have more friends than I actually knew and a trip to our local college to show me that I can do anything I want and it seems that my hope the light that once was small has grown from a far shining star to the greatest star there is. the sun.

And I find it amazing how something so small could affect me so so so much. and I'm so very happy for this.

I'm getting there I'm going to be that man I always wanted to be. I'm going to be the dad every kid wants. I'm thinking so forward into the future that I'm thinking what I want to do when it comes to kids and I know I want a little baby boy to show he can be anything he wants or needs to be.

I want to help people. I want to do therapy for lgbtq groups or people but I go to chruch and I feel a nagging feeling pulling me towards being a pastor of some sort and frankly that scares me. I'm not a huge chruch goer but I know there is a god and he would never give me something I couldn't handle. and if he wants me to go towards the chruch that's what I will do I will help people someway in my life.

This week is so inspiring. It's the simple things. simple things.