Metanoia | Blog

talking about creative blocks, growing up and other things

Hi, everyone.

How are you doing? What's new, these days?

This blog is not at all planned. It is me going with the flow and being honest about the things I'm going through these days. Hope you take away something from here?

I know I keep saying that I'll be regular on here, that I'll write more, update more but somehow I lose track of it. When I announced that I'll be updating twice weekly, I was super pumped. I was excited to update my poetry books more and more, paint more, read more etc.

Now, the spark has diminished a bit. As I'm growing up, I am struggling to stay connected to my creative roots. It took me days of introspection to figure out a lot of things. I'd always thought that staying a child at heart as we grow into adults is an easy feat. It's not. NOT AT ALL. I think, it's because of (1) we are caught with our responsibilities (2) we want EVERYTHING to be perfect.

First of all, as you grow up, there are several things that require your attention. The ever increasing pressure of academics, being financial stable, giving your loved ones time, giving yourself time, house chores and hundreds of other things. In this, we often push our creative pursuits aside. At least, that's what I have done. 

Second of all, for me, I badly want everything to be perfect. It makes me overthink a lot of things. Creativity is something that need not be bounded by anything. However, I find myself putting unnecessary pressure to be the best at what I do, even if I am sacrificing feeling good for what I do. 

Also, I realised that I sometimes make a big deal out of my college academic pressure. It is there, for sure, but it is not something new. I've had academic pressure all my school life and I was able to manage pretty well. I often overthink a lot, think about I've got tonnes of assignments when I've only got a couple of them. I was a student who enjoyed studying. I've kinda lost that too. So, I'm trying to get back on track. Ya girl is learning!

In these few days, I've also realised how important it is to be with our families. As we grow up, we find friends that become family but we often forget about our own family. I had my birthday two days ago and I spent the whole day with my friends. Later at night, I just thought how much I'm going to miss my family when I leave for hostel and how I am not giving them enough time. Still trying, trying to be with them, make them feel loved. It's not easy but it's worth it.

I was scrolling through Pinterest and found a beautiful poem by Mary Oliver. 

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

- Mary Oliver, Wild Geese.

That's it for today, I guess. It feels great to write something, no matter how stupid it might be. How are you coping up with growing up? Let's talk, aye?

See you around!

Love, Sam!<3