“Let me see the list!”
I close my eyes and shake my head, an impish smile plastered on my face. During the twenty-minute subway ride back to the hotel, I worked on the list while April watched a K-drama. When she lost cell connection, she got bored and impatient.
“Give me the thing!”
“NO! I’m not ready!”
She snatches the list from my hands. “Jeez, girl. Not trusting your genie…”
“I said I’m not done!”
1- Pasta
2- Ramen
3- Pastry
4- Pole dancing
5- Strip club
6- Massage
7- Disney Land or Lotte World
8- Churros
9- Enlightenment
10-Brian
As April eyeballs the list, she breaks into thunderous laughter, turning my face two shades pinker. “This sounds like an R-rated list written by a hungry eight-year-old.” She takes a red pen out from her purse and starts scribbling on the paper, “Pole dancing? Strip club?”
On the same page, I quickly write back, “Can’t we wait until we get back to the hotel to talk about this?”
The truth is, I’ve been feeling unbearably lonely these days despite April’s companionship, filling up my empty heart with potato chips, brownies, macaroons, cakes, and cookies. I’ve become a closet binge eater, due to my painfully unsatisfied carnal craving for intimacy.
Going to bed tightly hugging my teddy bear didn’t help. I wanted to feel Brian’s body heat, breathe in his musty pheromones. I wanted to reach out and grab him, my feet rubbing his inner thighs. I wanted to see the changes in his facial expression as I tease and tantalize “the big guy.” I fantasized about his hands squeezing my breasts. Magic love potions would excrete out of my pores and I would hop right on top of him.
I wanted to feel irresistible and invincible. But after repeated rejections, my desire mutated into something more deadly and sinful. I don’t know exactly what I was looking for but I wanted to celebrate female sexuality with other men, perhaps many men. I’ve always been aware of my “bad girl” tendencies and I no longer felt the need to repress them. Or should I?
I look at April’s face. She thinks I’m kidding.
YOU ARE READING
Millennial's Monologue: Secret Dramas in Our Hearts & Souls
Non-FictionREAL LIFE STORY: I was a stereotypical high achiever in an Ivy League school who got suspended for plagiarism; April was a sweet girl who worked in a high-end prostitution ring. We were both in our early twenties when we became friends. A perfect...
