#4: Why do couples fall out of love?
My childhood and adolescence were haunted by failed marriages—in my family, in my extended family, in my friends’ families. It was painful to see so many marriages disintegrate, which is why I spent a lot of time obsessing over why couples fall out of love. If I ever fall in love, if Brian ever decides to reciprocate my love, this is what I want to tell him.
(1) Do not fall in love with my eyes or boobs. To live together, we have to carry each other’s burdens. When one partner gets lazy and refuses to do his or her fair share of work, that’s when we see the first sign of trouble in marriage.
(2) Love exists in the space between you and me. It’s not something to be enjoyed alone. Don’t forget that.
(3) I never wanted to marry Mozart, I never wanted to marry Elon Musk. If you are a talented genius that needs to agonize over his work day and night, please do not propose to me. I want you home early. I took cooking classes for you.
(4) My least favorite phrase is “I’m sorry.” My favorite phrase is “You’re welcome.” If you love me, please stop saying you are sorry.
(5) I know I’m emotionally stunted and insecure, but do not make me rely on you for validation or reassurance. Indulge me a little, but constantly challenge me to grow into a mature, kind woman. You are right—what I want is not always what I need.
(6) Here is one of the most mysterious verses in the Bible: “Now, both of them are naked, the man and his wife, but they felt no shame before each other (Genesis 2:25).” Are you afraid to be that naked in thought and action with me? Are you afraid to have that kind of intimacy with me?
(7) I used to look for love in all sorts of wrong places from all sorts of wrong people in all sorts of wrong manners. Forgive me.
(8) I believe in exclusive love. Both our lives would be a lot simpler if we can keep that simple promise.
(9) In selecting someone to marry, I don’t give a damn about what anybody else says. I put up with so much crap to please others and conform to society’s expectations, but when it comes to love, tell them to mind their own business. I choose the person I want to love. If our families object, let’s just elope.
(10) There is nothing scarier than a stubborn man with an over-bloated, sensitive ego that never wants to be corrected. My grandmother told me: “A lot of men are immature and many of them die immature. None of them thought they were immature.”
(11) Let me be blunt with you. What do you really want? Can I really make you happy? Am I really enough?
(12) Do not give up on us. We are in this together.
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Millennial's Monologue: Secret Dramas in Our Hearts & Souls
Non-FictionREAL LIFE STORY: I was a stereotypical high achiever in an Ivy League school who got suspended for plagiarism; April was a sweet girl who worked in a high-end prostitution ring. We were both in our early twenties when we became friends. A perfect...
