As we walk out of the plastic surgeon’s office, I ask April if she ever feels guilty about enjoying good things in life
“What? Are you PMS’ing?
Popping a cherry flavored candy into her mouth, she shakes her head. “Look, I like you a lot. But, you think too much. It’s like you live-neck up. Your head needs to shut up so you can start living a little.”
I tell her I thought about becoming a nun when I was younger.
“You serious?” Her facial expression is so hilarious that my stomach starts hurting from laughing too much. She looks like she just stepped in dog poop.
“We’ve practically lived together for several weeks and I know you well enough to say that you are not cut out to be a nun. Jesus Christ! You are like the most secular person I’ve ever met besides myself. Look inside your rolling suitcases and count how many Jimmy Choo shoes and Tiffany pendants you have. Or look at your dating record—you’ve only dated pre-law and finance majors. Sister Kristen? You would be a prestige monster in a tunic and a veil! You look more like yourself in your miniskirt.”
I want to say something in my defense, but I’m left speechless. Everything she said is true—the very reason why I’m having an existential crisis. But still, I sense a warmth in her sarcastic tone. Isn’t that how friendship is supposed to work? Friends know and tease each other; Acquaintances don’t care. I’m basking in the knowledge that April seems to accept me for who I am despite all my flaws and imperfections.
Seeing that April is getting all worked up, I decide to drive her insane just a tiny bit more with one more question.
“I don’t know…don’t you think there is something seriously wrong with the fact that I’m so self-serving and selfish? Me me me me me all the…” April grabs my hand and cuts me short. She suddenly has an unusually mature look on her face.
“There is only one type of person I hate and can’t forgive. The ones that give up on their lives.” April looks down at the asphalt road. “My dad was a construction worker and he lost his arms when I was ten. He didn’t literally give up on his life, but he lost hope. He stopped providing for his family and stayed all day at home doing nothing. I know it’s not his fault but I can’t forgive him for…”
We are both silent. April knows I’m very sorry about her dad.
“Anyway, I know how difficult it is to be around unhappy people. It’s a huge burden…negative energy is powerful and contagious. That’s why I believe the most important responsibility for any human being is to be happy. To feel guilty about seeking personal happiness…that sounds stupid. I’m committed to living a happy, exciting life. I want to die content, with a grateful heart.” Her voice starts quivering a little. “When I meet God, I’m going to tell Him, ‘Thank you for giving me life. I enjoyed it very much.’”
I wonder how many dead people can say this. I bet not that many. I’ve got to admit, I’m very moved by her words. Her passion for life always inspires me. April takes her eyes off of my face and looks nowhere in particular. “Do you mind if I tell you why I think your life crashed and you almost got expelled from your school?
I’m still silent but she takes the cue from my inquisitive eyes. “I think it’s because you were unhappy. I’m sorry to tell you this, but I think that’s also why Brian keeps rejecting you. I really care about you and that’s why I’m telling you this.”
I must have looked pensive, as I try to understand what April is really saying. Being happy is my responsibility? If I’m not happy, I can’t have healthy relationships? April keeps telling me she hopes I’m not hurt by her words.
She pulls out a crumpled piece of paper from her wallet. “Write ten things down that you think will make you happy. Preferably something you can do during your stay in Korea. I will pick the three coolest items and help your wish come true. I’ll be your genie for a year.”
“What? No, I would feel bad.”
April starts giggling again. “You can watch Sex and the City with me and teach me English.”
Sounds like an even trade.
YOU ARE READING
Millennial's Monologue: Secret Dramas in Our Hearts & Souls
Non-FictionREAL LIFE STORY: I was a stereotypical high achiever in an Ivy League school who got suspended for plagiarism; April was a sweet girl who worked in a high-end prostitution ring. We were both in our early twenties when we became friends. A perfect...
