Oxford Boys

45. spilling the beans

"How would you deal with it, if you lost the last person out of your family and this person hates, the person you love, to the guts? You know even if it's not Jake's fault, I understand her hate towards his family. They took her daughter, they helped destroy her granddaughter's life. How could she not hate his family?"

"But Jake isn't his family. He did wrong too, we all know that, just as we know we probably would have dealt the same way. If your Grams could see how you both are suffering, she'd see things different. If she could see how much he really loves you. I mean he fucking risked his own life, pulling you out of that burning car, because he couldn't live with losing you.

Did you know, he didn't just pull you out of it, by standing next to it and pulling you out of a window? He crawled into the burning car, it was hard for him to be able to get out of it himself. I had to pull his legs, so he could get you out. Honestly Sam, I thought the car was going to explode right in front of my eyes, with both of you in it.

No matter how much I yelled at him, to get out of the fucking car, he wasn't going to leave without you. He couldn't leave you, even if it meant he would possibly die himself. That's how much he loves you." The words seem to have been eating at him and are now exploding out of his mouth.

Horrified I gasp and start crying again just by the thought of it.

"He shouldn't have done that. It was too risky for him. I don't want him to lose his life because of me."

"But he would risk it at any point again, because he can't live without you Sam. You're everything to him", Evans preaches.

"He's going to change his mind very soon. Believe me."

Again I need to rush to the toilet, puking. Shouldn't have eaten those scones. Evans comes rushing after me.

"Sam this can't keep up like this. You are so upset, every time we talk about Jake you start puking, even if you haven't eaten a lot", he rubs my back while holding my hair back. God this is so embarrassing.

"Evans, I told you before, you shouldn't see me this way and stay away while I am puking."

"How often does this happen, when I'm not here? Oh my god Sam........ Is this at all about you being upset?"

Damn, not telling him is one thing. But I can't lie to him.

"I guess being upset isn't exactly helping", worth a try to push my way around without lying.

"Holy shit, Sam is this for sure?" I nod. "How long have you known? And how the hell?"

"The doc told me with my last blood and urine exams in hospital. I already started puking a couple of days, before I was allowed home, so he did a test without me knowing. And about the how, I guess I don't need to explain how these things work, right?"

"You keeping it?" His widened eyes are staring at me.

"How couldn't I? It's my baby, it's a part of me. The doc said it's a miracle it made it through all the narcotics and the distress on my body in the first place. This is my little miracle, I just need to hope there aren't any long-term damages through all the medications."

"How could it make it through the accident in the first place?"

Evans looks absolutely shocked about the whole situation.

"I was only two and a half weeks along when the accident happened, so it wasn't like the impact could cause any damage to the baby as such. It's only a miracle my body was able to hold it in the first place."

"Gosh Sam, you need to talk to Jake."

"I can't, this would cause even more mess in his life. Enough people have messed up his life and pushed his life in directions he never wanted it to be in the first place. Jake needs to finally lead the life he deserves to live and he's worked for."