Dear Z,

Chapter 6

Dear Z,
I say this with a lot of thought but you are a human being who is allowed to have feelings. Stop thinking that having an overflow of emotions makes you less of a man.
It does not. In fact, I think it makes you look like beautiful beast....

• • •

Rose

I stifle a smirk. This is getting dangerously addictive.

All my life, I have been addicted to few things: sleep, chocolate, porn and sex. Harmless things, right? Not in my case.

These were the building blocks that became my safe place after the only tragedy that could be the headline of my entire life. Death of my parents.

I will go in order as how these harmless things became the forbidden apples in my existence. When I received the news that would change my entire being, I locked myself up in my room and slept. I just slept. It was like a hidden magical palace that sheltered me from my reality. I saw dreams I don't remember, I saw dreams where I cried while I slept and awoke, I saw good dreams which I half remembered and the bad ones, I got up almost immediately and then waited out till it was morning only to sleep back into my cozy coven.

After that, Adrianna's parents came barging in. Mostly her mother, Hilda. She stormed in, taking over my life and said take all the time you need but you need to eat. So she handed the second dreaded addiction: a bar of Hershey's chocolate.

Oh, it looked like angels of pure delight secretly harboring the death cast. And I snatched it and left sleep to be with my new best friend called Hershey's and his small brothers called Kisses and his cousins called Toblerone and many more of their family members and outcasts. I knew them all.

Then, I took a look at the mirror one day and I barely recognized myself. I was ashamed to go out looking like this when I always did take pride in my looks mainly because I remind myself of my parents. However, I didn't see them because I saw only a stranger who let herself go to waste.

But it was hard to let my chocolate addiction go away.

One day when I lay in bed, hiding and scrolling through my phone where I came across those bubble pop-ups of two people naked and having sex. I clicked on it, out of boredom and I was welcomed into the slithy site of pornhub.

Now many may find porn disgusting and at first I did, but when I got a look of the bodies these women porn stars had, I was flabbergasted. And it wasn't the breast implants or huge buttocks the got me hooked. It was their flat abs that was like a washboard and the fact they could see their feet.

So I challenged myself to get to their size however, it was rough coming from eating only sweet to strict dieting with food that have good nutritional value. I realized I needed a reminder blinking at me everyday. I needed to see hot men and women naked and fucking with their dramatic over the top performances, their horrible acting skills and the too much cum shots.

And I got hooked. Hooked till I became a little too shredded and saw how the human blood red men took a keener interest in me. And having watched so much porn, with the same tune playing, I got trapped into one night stands with sex machines. Oh I did check myself regularly. And then transferred to only having sex with serious boyfriends.

But sex was a must.

Which is why I got bored with all the men I have been with. Why most of my ex's cried when I broke up with them and slowly that addiction faded away.