Insomniac||l.s

chapter thirty-nine

"Mmm," Louis protested. "'t doesn't, don't mind." Harry hummed at him, fingers pulling through his hair and landing at the back of his neck. His body shifted till he was on his back, now staring at the ceiling.

"I, uh. . I miss you." He winced at the words that left his mouth, not wanting to give in but it was hard. Louis was back home and safe, what was holding him back?

"Miss you," Louis repeated softly. "Lots," he finished with a small hum in agreement to himself.

Harry's legs twitched under the blanket, ankle tucking under his other shin. "Fuck, Lou. What went wrong?" He couldn't help but blurt, tears welling in his eyes, he hated being so forward but his heart ached for Louis.

That was his first love, everything they did they did together and now both of them were on their own. He wanted Louis back now, but he knew it was more than that, you couldn't just get someone back.

"We can't do this over the phone, Harry." His voice was soft, calm even which made Harry shake a bit more.

"L-louis. I love you. . so much. I- I don't want to do this over the phone either but I love you so much it hurts, you're. . Louis please." His voice was wavering, breathing at jitters.

"Harry. . I don't know what you want me to say. I hate hearing you cry." He sighed, a small shuffling on the other end of the phone.

Harry didn't know what to say, he just didn't. The way Louis was currently saying things made him think he really didn't care.

Though, it was Harry's fault. He's the one who pushed Louis away, he's the one who told him he didn't want his love.

Then again, Louis came to his house to break up with him. That was all Louis, so no, Louis just didn't care. . and Harry was in the dark once again.

"Fuck. ." Harry's voice broke at the whimper, Louis whispering something Harry didn't catch because he was now bawling like a baby. He wanted to stop but it just came out motionlessly, tears drenching his cheeks and nose stuffing.

He reached up to wiped the tears, running his hands down his face afterwards, and placing his big hands back over his eyes. Louis was quiet as he continued to sob, whispering "please" subconsciously along the rush.

Harry wanted to die.

The pain in his chest was too much for him to handle, he didn't think he could love someone as much as he loved Louis. It was strange actually, deep down he knew he wasn't good enough for the star-athlete. But somewhere in his heart he knew they were soulmates.

"You need to get rest, Harry," Louis' voice was still gentle but only hidden by the strictness this time. Why was he doing this to Harry?

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry if I hurt you, Louis. I'm sorry I wasn't good enough, okay? You know I'm not good at this whole re-relationship thing. It's never easy to walk away. . I just, I can't. I don't even know what I'm saying right now but. . but do you still love me? Just a little bit? I didn't mean to p- push you away. . I just—"

Louis toppled over his voice, "Harry. . Haz. You're sleep deprived."

Harry let out a mocking laugh at the dumb nickname and softness Louis was trying to show. "Don't do that shit, just answer me. Do you? Did you?" He breathed, he took that second to breathe because he was stressed and exhausted.

The older huffed lowly. "Harry, of course I fucking loved you. . loved? I still do. . but we can't do this right now. Or just. . to each other. I know you think this isn't hurting me too but it is." Harry massaged his forehead, brows furrowing then relaxing. This was all too much.