Insomniac||l.s

chapter eight

Doncaster, England📍

**

My knuckles tightened on the headboard of my bed, my body shaking and tears pouring down my face. I can't do this anymore, I don't wanna do this anymore.

"Fuck," I choked and pulled away from my bed, shakily standing up on the floor. I bit down on my bottom lip to stop myself from letting out a horror of cries and held onto my arms to try and stop the shaking.

I flimsily exited my room and made my way downstairs to the kitchen. Let me sleep, I want to fucking sleep, get out of my head. I placed my hands on the sides of my head and let out a cry of agony, my head was pounding and my jaw was hurting. It was five a.m. I had to get up in two hours.

"Com-complete and utt-tter bullshit," I hissed and poured a messy glass of water before grabbing Xanax, Lunesta, and Ambien. I'm not supposed to be taking this many pills. . especially on an empty stomach, but I need sleep.

I poured two of each into my hand and threw them all in at once, gulping down my water. I grimaced at the feeling of the pills going down my throat, and to my spine which ached.

That one night of sleep felt so good, so good. Why can't I do it again? Maybe I should call up Niall, maybe I do just need a cuddle. But I've done that before. . it doesn't make sense.

I finished the rest of the water, massaging my temples. It hurt so bad.

My legs moved forward, the glass in my hand scraping against the counter as I walked. That's before I just looked at it. . and then dropped it. The glass shattered to the ground, my knees falling with it.

My mum wasn't home and neither was Gemma, work and college like always, so I didn't have to worry about waking them up.

I stared back at the glass shards on the ground and slowly picked one of them up, twirling it in my fingers then staring at my arm, weak beside me. Do it, don't do it, do it, don't do it, do it. Fuck it.

The glass made contact with my arm just as I got a phone call. It's thirty till six. . what the fuck?

I dropped the glass and reached up, grabbing my phone from the counter. "Harry?" I ran my fingers through my hair and recognised the voice.

"Louis? What are you doing up?" I was confused. Maybe I had called him at two a.m., sure, but that was three hours ago.

"I woke up from a dream and saw you called me. Everything alright?" I bit my lip and looked at the pills on the counter then the glass on the ground.

"I- I just couldn't sleep. You know. ."

I heard a small chuckle on the other end. "I'll come over." I heard shuffling around and my eyes widened.

"What? What??" I sat straighter, my tears had stopped and were stained against my cheeks.

"Your voice is stuffed, you were crying. I'll be there." My brows rose in shock. He's so observant. Ever since I've met him he's been like that. . why?

"Okay but just let me clean—"

"Don't sweat it, you sound tired. Just relax. I'll be there in five." Then the line was dead. I found out not too long ago that Louis was five minutes away from me, which was a bit strange but nice. Niall was a good fifteen, so it was nice to have someone closer.

I don't really know how far Zayn and Liam are because usually they're in their own little world. Talking about girls and whatnot.

The glass was still there, my eyes were blood-shot, and my face was most likely puffy. But I was so exhausted I didn't have the energy to get up and fix myself.