My Penalty

Yes

Ignore errors and typos

Hareem's

"Aap" I said. You know that feeling  where you see the person you've been thinking about lately all over and every where, sometimes in the mall sometimes the gym, even traffic and coffee shop, even more common in bollywood movies, rowdy rathore. I thought that happens in real life too, I thought it was happening to me now that I am staring at an unplanned event. 

"Wait who even led you here, I'm supposed to be 'bonding' with my would be husband, gosh! I can't believe this, you've ruined my mood, see my makeup too" I said the bonding with clenched teeth and pointed at my face. 

"Wait are you even real? For your kind information my dad is currently busy with an important matter, he's discussing with my husband and in laws at the moment" I just wanted to spit venom, I did when I said that husband part wallahi. "so he's off office matters, sir"

He just shrugged that off with a smirk. Appearing all proud. Where is the person that's supposed to be bonding with me now ugh.

He's so getting a piece of my mind. "are you expecting someone else hareem". "what do you mean someone else? Huh or are you......" I trailed off afraid of the now arranged puzzles I've unexpectedly solved. Shit!

"yes I am, mohatarma, husband was it? you said earlier"  shit my rants jahannam! I'm in deep shit.

Finally now its sinking, the voice, the gaze and all. Why I'm I such a dummy. I know anyone would have figured this whole crap out. I admit he's been in my thoughts lately but never in a zillion way did I expect him to be my fiancé way to embarrass yourself hareem, now what?.

I summoned the nerve to talk back "don't call me mohatarma! Not yet".

"oh so you admit you want me in your life and you'd wish I spent it with you no? Bella, I'm shocked anyhow"

"thats not what I mean I just... I uh yes erm that's not what I mean"  I said affirmatively in the end
"you've misunderstood me Mr...?"

"just ask Bella I know you want to, so badly, anyways it's nureyn, nureyn Mohammed Khan"

"I believe you already know mine, so there's absolutely no need"

"don't think this chit chat is getting you anywhere nureyni I am saying no"

"don't call me that, I hate it and I know you ain't gonna say no I am too hot for a rejection don't ya think"

"oh poor nureyni is that a dare I hear hmm?"

"I said I am saying no and that's final ughhh"  words hadn't finish leaving my mouth my dear amma had to butt in.

"whats final and who's saying no eh?" why is she so persistent? oh Allah, I don't want to get married i bet I said it more than a thousand times already. apologies ammi are your hearings blocked.

In front of him and his family she said 'did you guys talk and what did you talk about' after all the questions that I myself and me didn't think it was necessary to give responses to.

I sank into la la land zoning out of the equation was the only escape route from reality. Nureyni, my would be husband who would have thought, guessed even.

After my little adventure,-that's my trip to la la land, I looked up to see faces, like every single soul was looking at me more like expecting something from me, maybe how my trip went. haha that's not funny now.

The real deal is the cheeky sneaky little well huge gorgeous annoying and devilish Adonis that was effortlessly smirking.

He's enjoying this, trust me.  I on the other hand was busy searching for words to say and cover the whole time I missed, which was spent in exploring la la land of course.

I don't want that kind of attention wallah even Allah knows I don't. but they all do not seem to understand. All of them were looking at me like kids expecting eid gifts esp the cash part.

Mama was not helping either. pressuring me and all, was all she was good at today. Wait a minute she's doing it. Doing what? My subconscious asked. dummy! what he's used to, moving those lips, his lips.

Remember now? Aha gotcha.
I realised she's been moving them, talking actually and I've been thinking. what?, I still don't remember exactly what.

"every one is waiting hareem" she said. I said "why" wallah I had no idea why. Oblivious of what was happening I asked again "why ammi?" 

"feisla (decision)" she said, ok that officially got me into a menopause. haha just kidding, my heart really, when I say really, I mean really really, dead seriously it skipped a beat. Never thought I'd experience a first hand wattpad experience hehe.

My mother in law, wait a minute what did you say? I said my would be mother in law, dummy! , would be! . Okay whatever. She was so nice I have nothing, practically nothing against her, I have no reason  to say no, and my would be sister in law, possessive much and clingy. isn't that what I always wanted. someone that would not want to share me with anyone? What now? . Also my father in law was so cool awesome and kind to the bone what about that, huh? . I can't say no can I?.

And the real deal, they said is a Lil shy religious and handsome. he's already ticked my boxes from before no? He's also kind and generous from what I heard earlier, I didn't eaves drop, I heard. key word there is heard. Note!. I still didn't  know what to say guess cat got my tongue. Don't ya think.

Wallah I saw a glint of happiness, gratitude, and appreciation on their faces when I said yes. I didn't know why they were so surprised tho that got me puzzled. Maybe they weren't expecting a "yes" and not too soon. 

Every body was rejoicing and celebrating except one, Me. I wasn't happy, I didn't feel happy not even an ounce of happiness overcame me when I said yes. I felt nothing, zilch, nada. I didn't know why, I don't. I excused myself and went to the bathroom, cried my balls out and went to my room, got bored and went to the corridor.

Thinking, I was thinking about life, how it led me here and why. Negative thoughts were creeping in my head. Shaytaan was finally getting his way with me. I began to think about other things - very nasty. Like how great it would be if If I jump off.

Forget about life itself. Suicidal thoughts came. I wanted to end my life there and then. people would say I'm being petty, yes I know, but be in my shoes, marriage is no joke with the combo of a stranger. Suicidal craving. Nice. but something was pulling me back. A voice? Person? Thing? Event?.  Non of them. It was a gut feeling. Somewhere at the back of my mind.

"you're not happy are you?" that brought me back to reality.

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Noor loves you lots. 💙

Toh fah Jamaa waec ya fito. Allah ya sa mu dace.