The Violin That Started it Again

Part 3) Chapter Eight

You know, I suck at writing emotions and stuff, so sorry if this chapter sucks.

...

Percy Jackson

My eyes shot open. It was dark now, and I couldn't see a thing in my room. My eyes began to try and adjust to the darkness as I thought about what I had just dreamed of.

I gulped. I turned around in my bed so that I was facing the wall now. I shut my eyes to stop any tears from falling. There wasn't any heat next to me. Nothing. No one was there when there was supposed to be a certain boy laying next to me. But guess what? He's gone for probably forever.

My teeth clenched tightly together and I gripped my blanket so hard that my knuckles turned white. I didn't want to cry. I had to be strong, didn't I? Don't let anything fall, Percy, don't let yourself fall.

I didn't want to think of what I dreamt. The time when I first met him. The first event that he and I shared together. It was when I finally discovered him and his potential to play the violin so well. I never knew he existed until that day, and I never knew how much pain I would be going through because of him.

I was so amazed at how well he could play. I wanted to become friends with him so badly. The more he denied me, the more I wanted him. It was as if he was playing hard to get. I thought that I wouldn't see him ever again after that day, and it broke my heart. But here I was with an actual broken heart because I saw him again. And again. And again. And again.

What would've happened to me if I never saw him again after that day? Would I still be with Annabeth?

My heart ached at the thought of meet seeing Nico after that day in January. Everything that we have done together. Everything that I did to make him smile. Every secret he entrusted to me after knowing him for only a few days. None of that would've existed if Jason didn't stop Luke Castellan from beating him up. None of that would've happened if I didn't check to see who was playing the violin. None of it would've ever happened.

I turned around in my bed and shook my head, my eyes still shut. Stop thinking about it Percy! Don't let any fall. Don't think about it. Don't let any fall and let yourself go back to sleep.

I forced my eyes open. I was laying at the very edge of the bed, so if I rolled anymore I would've fallen off. I missed dinner from that nap, but I didn't seem to feel hungry at all. I always ate a lot, so why didn't I feel the need to eat? Where did it all go?

I would've turned around or scooted closer into the middle of the bed, but I wanted the thought that someone else was laying in the middle of the bed to stay in my mind. The back of my mind knew that no one was there, but I attempted to forget about that fact.

I rolled over so I was now facing the ceiling. I couldn't even see it since my eyes haven't adjusted to the darkness yet, but it was better knowing that I couldn't see anything around me, so I wouldn't have another reminder of what really wasn't next to me.

I wanted to sleep. I felt so tired and exhausted. But at the same time, I didn't want to fall asleep. I didn't want another dream that involved Nico again. I didn't want to be reminded of what's not there anymore. You know, why did I even call these flashbacks "dreams?" They weren't dreams. They were never dreams. They're just nightmares of the memories I had. Memories and events that'll always be there, haunting me with every hour that I sleep.

Was this how Nico felt when his mom and sister died? This pain and misery and sorrow...Did he feel the same thing I was feeling now? Was Nico out there somewhere laughing at me now that I know how he felt and what he experienced before me. What was Nico doing now? I wonder.

I spared a glance to my right where he would've been. I would've been holding him with my nose buried into his hair. Hell, I wouldn't even be awake an having these treacherous thoughts swim through my mind. Hah, swim. How ironic because I loved swimming. Now, I just don't even want it anymore. Just take it all away from me. As long as he comes back, I don't even care anymore.

I just felt so helpless. I didn't have any hope anymore. What happened to the Percy Jackson that was so optimistic about everything? He was always so happy and full of life. Percy could've brightened up anyone's day. He always joked around about everything and laughed at whatever his friends said. Percy seemed to always have a smile on his face wherever he went. Even if he was having a bad day, he always managed to find something good out of it. What happened to that Percy Jackson? What happened to me?

I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt a tear roll down. I quickly sat up in my bed to wipe the tear away, but more just kept running down. I didn't feel like that Percy Jackson at all. He was dead now. Washed away by the sea and never to return again.

I exhaled deeply. More kept falling down. I took another deep breath and swiped an arm across my face. It still seemed as if I didn't even do the action. They were still there, laughing at me as they fell down.

Percy Jackson...Percy Jackson...who was he now? Where was he in that sea? Why did he let himself be taken away by the waves?

My teeth were so tightly clenched together it felt as if they would break. My eyes were squeezed shut, but they still kept falling down. My breathing was ragged and uneven now and I felt like screaming. Anything. Anything. Just take this pain away!

I realized my body was shaking, but I couldn't control it. I forced my eyes open once more and my hand was I front of me. I couldn't stop it from shaking. It shook in terror and fear and sorrow.

The tears were just a minor factor to me now. I didn't care anymore. I gave up on them. They soaked my blanket and left trails down my cheeks for more tears to follow. More and more kept falling and falling. I know I said I wanted to cry until I couldn't even cry anymore, but when was that going to happen? When will the tears stop?

I heard a loud noise. It sounded so in pain, so full of misery. It didn't even sound like me. Was it even me? Did I just scream? Where did that sound come from?

I grabbed a fistful of my hair into my trembling hands. My body wouldn't stop shaking. Where was he when I needed him? Where was his sarcasm and humor. His long kisses that he gave me. The rare smile that played along his lips that took me forever to show. The roll of his eyes whenever I made some stupid joke. His body warmth whenever he hugged me or cuddled with me. The feeling of his soft lips pushed onto my own. Damn it all where was he?!

I heard my door swing open and footsteps approach my bed. A scream erupted from my throat but I felt someone embrace me. The smell of candy and sweets wafted in the air, and I calmed down for a bit.

"Go to sleep, Percy," my mom's soothing voice seemed as if it came out of the darkness and into the light.

Another set of footstep approached me, and I already knew that it was Paul.

"You'll be fine, Percy. Go to bed. Everything will be fine."

It didn't feel like they were talking to me anymore. Percy, Percy, is all they said. Did I even seem like Perseus Jackson anymore? Why would they even bother calling me such a thing?

Their soothing voices eventually faded, and before I knew it, I drifted off into a restless sleep.