Barren | ✓

t a n

"why do you want to marry me?"

"because i love you."

"is that reason enough?"

"what's that supposed to mean?"

i sigh. it's been five years since we've known each other, two since we were in a relationship and yet the proposal rings in my ears like a foreign embodiment.

why would anyone want to marry someone of my complexion?

india is indeed a diverse country. its rich culture, heritage, religions, entrancing cities and hospitality are always cries for praise.

it's truly a wonder. our social construct is robust, our traditions and values are something we truly appreciate and it's also what enables us to achieve success early on in life while remaining grounded.

but like the law of life, it's not perfect.

we're attached with many curious stigmas that have handicapped a lot of potential over the years. we're still trying to break free from it but at the bottom line, some of them still exist.

ironically, one of them is discrimination by skintone.

we have ads for fairness creams that cast an illusion for beauty being in fair skin. if you're not white enough, you're not beautiful enough.

wow.

it's basic science. if you belong to a tropical region, your average skin tone is not going to be fair.

i could never really understand the hullabaloo. i fit the classic indian profile in terms of skintone. yet somehow, my family didn't seem to prefer it much because there were some cindrellas and snow whites born to relatives.

out of us four siblings, i was the only odd man out.

there was nothing attractive about my features to be praised as compensation either. perhaps the most interesting thing would be how easily i could be ignored in a crowd because i just never stood out.

in school i found it difficult to make friends because i wasn't the most financially sound or best looking of the lot. groupism and elitism began way before the concept of social circles in adulthood.

that was my first lesson about 'looks do matter'.

god compensated me with more than enough brains to be a gold medalist in math and physics. but who really cared when at the end of the day, my skintone didn't match the profile?

girls often came up to me to take my number, but only for borrowing my notes. nobody found me good enough to consider friend material, far less for a romantic entanglement.

i never let that hold me back, though. it was good that i did not have any distractions.

i moved to the us to pursue my phd. my skintone was questioned even here, but this time i was seen from the angle of an exotic foreigner.

the interest shown in me was very amusing. it was as though a fossil was unearthed and everyone wanted to see how it fit into the social construct.

but atleast i understood their distinction here. they actually were had the preferred colour to be proud about their skintone.

i met lara at the university here. she was completing her thesis in immunology and that's where we formed a connect. she was an indo-american.

she was smart, funny, independent and extremely kind.

she was perfect in every way.

i could never fathom why she wanted to be my friend. turns out, she genuinely found me interesting. something no one ever had until then, not even my parents.

she would take an active interest in my life and before i knew it, i found myself opening up to her in ways i hadn't to anyone before. i let down my guard. i grew vulnerable.

two years ago, i proposed to her.

and i was certain she would say no. she was beautiful. i was not. why would she choose me?

with great minds come great insecurities.

contrary to my belief, she said yes immediately.

i should have been happy.

instead, i was terrified. what if she said yes out of sympathy? was i really good enough for her? what was the guarantee that she would stay with me and not leave me at the first site of a much more attractive man?

i was such an ass.

the first year of our relationship was bumpy. i grew moody and distant, unable to handle the responsibility of the relationship. i was inexperienced in people loving me in spite of my looks.

but she stuck on.

she seemed to understand where i was coming from. she was patient.

eventually, i came around.

today she proposed to me for marriage and here i am, staring at her dumbfoundedly. i still can't believe she would want to marry a guy who's no match for her beauty.

a commoner.

she looks at me in understanding and smiles.

"you're an activist for racial equality. this is the last question you should be asking me."

i stared at her and smiled sheepishly. indeed, in my years away from home, i strove to achieve the one thing i knew i couldn't back home - to create a place for myself in the world that didn't depend upon what shade of colour i was.

i am currently a respected physicist in my community with four thesis papers and nine research articles to my credit. in my free time i am an advocate for racial parity and i like giving my bit to society.

it's been a long time since i've learnt to be okay with not fitting the norms of colour. it hasn't been the easiest process but i eventually came around, thanks to lara.

i nodded my head at her and smiled. she slipped the ring on. i took her into my embrace.

acceptance is indeed key when it comes from a loved one.

but it's liberating in its true essence when it comes from within.

🥯

- a guy learning to enjoy the process of self-acceptance over time.

🥯