Barren | ✓

w h i t e

pain is often met with peace.

there are several days where the day goes by in a blur.

and there is always one moment in life where your entire journey flashes before you until you're drawn to its close.

atleast that's what i believed.

in reality, all you are aware about is the dull thud of your heart beating in your ears.

the dull thuds are often the desperate knocks of pain trying to escape.

they have been internalized for far too long, crammed within the deepest confines because release is scarier than denial.

but for how long can the poor heart bear the torment?

the pain has to end. the pain has to seek release.

and then, time stops.

the skies are calm, the winds gentle, the air serene. none of them are a true representative of the storm within.

but as head finally meets contact in an exhausting embrace, the blinding pain is let free.

it begins as a dry sob, the pain soon choking up words until tears are all that are left.

the heart knows not how to handle so much at ones. the body wreaks with the effort of keeping up, the sobs soon turning strangled.

but no one can hear me.

eyes burn and heart aches throughout the excruciating process of letting the pain out.

when did so much even accumulate?

and then finally, the storm begins to recede. the body is tired. the mind is beginning to shut down.

the soul craves peace.

with great difficulties are the sobs brought into hiccups. but the mind can go no further. several battles of endurance were fought tonight.

the rest were for another day.

a numbness begins to tingle across all senses and the body starts to relax.

the process is drawing to a close.

the mind is now almost blank, the soul now quiet and in search of peace. the body is growing steadily calm.

it's almost as if i just died.

sleep soon claims the remainder of my senses and everything is forgotten.

the world beyond is just as confusing. there's calm and there's din. but everything is pure, so untouched by the filth of feeling.

it's safe, it's devoid of any presence but me. this was perhaps my safe place.

eons pass by and i am happy. this is where i want to be and very happily so.

but all good things come to an end.

as though by a jolt, my calm is broken rudely. and there's another jolt. and a third.

my body is in agony, my mind in tumult.

everything seems to be slipping away so rapidly, it doesn't make sense.

the peace around me is spinning with dizzying rapidity and then, i hit ground.

my fall is broken with a breath that escapes my lips as my eyes jolt open.

the world is still a din of bright light, but it's not peaceful anymore.

there are far too many voices around, far too much commotion.

i shut my eyes and let myself drift away.

there's a strange despondency in the aura of where i have woken up, a strange loneliness in the sterility of where i find myself awake next.

and that's when i realize that i was amidst the four walls of a hospital.

and with that came in another realization.

i had not just survived pain.

i had, quite literally, survived death.

💭

- the chronicles of a survivor having crossed the other side

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