Before I Go

Chapter 31- 9. Swim In The Ocean

9. Swim in the ocean

While I'm lost in the realization that I'm currently at the beach with a very shirtless Parker Adams, my mind entirely shuts off to everything else. It's probably the only time my head has been so utterly quiet in my whole life.

"Are you ready to swim in the ocean?" he asks me, his hand gesturing toward the unending sea of blue.

My eyes snap up from their previous task of admiring his bare torso, and I can feel my face reddening by several shades as I realize I've been caught staring at him. I stutter out a mumbled apology, turning my face away from him in the hope of somewhat hiding my sudden embarrassment. As gorgeous as Parker Adams is, I never meant to stare at him so blatantly; I have to admit that it was entirely inappropriate of me.

Parker's chuckle has the heat receding in my cheeks, but only slightly. "It's okay, Morgan," he says, his voice taking on a playful undertone, and I can't even begin to explain what that does to me. "So?" he prompts, tipping his head toward the ocean. "The water?"

I inhale deeply, letting the air out of my lungs slowly, and with it comes the words, "I don't know if I can do this." There's a beat of silence between us, a mutually wordless moment as I try to gather both my courage and my words. "I'm... really nervous, Parker. I don't... um, what if..."

Reassuringly, Parker takes my hand, stepping closer to me, so his arm brushes up against mine in a comforting way. "Hey, it's okay," he says quietly, turning to face the water. "We've got all day, Morgan. We can go as slowly as you need to. We can start here, just looking at the ocean, if that's what you need. Then, when you're ready, we can get closer, and we'll just go from there. Whatever you need to do, that's what we'll do."

I don't have any idea how he does it, but Parker has this strange way of quickly setting me at ease. It's kind of crazy but also pretty incredible, if I'm honest. Taking his advice, I simply raise my gaze from the sand at my feet to the vast blueness before me, my eyes roaming over the water as if I've never seen any before. As much as I try not to panic, my heart rate increases without my permission as I process precisely how freaking huge the ocean really is. I mean, I knew it was gigantic when I put this on my list, but... I think it's safe to say that it has officially exceeded my expectations. I'm absolutely petrified right now. What if I drown in there? What if I freak out and look like a complete idiot? What if I get stung by a jellyfish?

Parker's arm brushes against me one more time, and my rapid breathing begins to slow a little. I can do this. Right?

"Morgan?" he asks, his eyes scanning my face. I turn to look at him and notice the corner of his mouth instantly turn upwards. "I'm right here," he assures. "You'll be okay; I promise I won't let anything happen to you."

I nod shortly, letting out a rush of air I didn't know that I was holding. "Uh, let's get closer, I guess," I say, although sounding entirely unconvinced by my own words. Regardless of my hesitation, Parker and I slowly walk forward, closing the distance between ourselves and the water. The closer we get, the harder my heart thumps, and I feel like I might throw up. Or pass out. Or burst into tears and run away, I don't know. When we're almost near enough to get our feet wet, I stutter out, "W-wait." Parker immediately halts his movements, his hand giving mine a gentle squeeze of reassurance. "I-I think I need a m-minute."

"Okay," he replies easily, as if he's not even bothered by my lack of bravery right now. It's as if he doesn't think I'm being absolutely ridiculous by being afraid to put my feet into the ocean. He's so patient and understanding that it almost hurts me. But in a good way, if that makes any sense at all. Parker simply stands next to me, holding my hand as I try to calm my raging anxiety with a few deep breaths.

After several moments, I'm feeling a little better, but I'm not sure if it's the breathing technique or Parker that has soothed my frazzled nerves. Without thinking about it too much, I let go of his hand and remove my shirt before tossing it aside. I leave my shorts on, though--I don't particularly want my mutilated leg to be on display for the whole world to see right now. I know Parker has already seen it, but... I still can't bring myself to willingly show it to him. I try not to worry about it anymore as he once again entwines our fingers.

"Ready?" he asks in a way that doesn't make me feel pressured at all.

I nod in response, untrusting of my voice right now, and before I know it, we're in the water. And not just our feet--Parker Adams and I are actually swimming in the ocean. I have no idea how it happened, but I somehow conquered the enormous fear and am now shoulder-deep in the chilly blueness, the broad smile on my face mirroring Parker's.

Do you have any idea how absolutely incredible it feels to just... let go? Even for a minute? To just... be? I hadn't before this very moment. Before Parker Adams mysteriously appeared into my life as something more than the boy I quietly crushed on from afar and flipped my world upside down in the most intense yet oh-so-pleasant way. This experience, this precise second of time, is everything and anything that I could possibly have dreamed of.

As Parker and I splash and play in the cold, rolling water, I can't help but hope that every girl has a Parker Adams in her life... because I'm insanely blessed to have him in mine.