Before I Go

Chapter 13- 5. Go To A Party

5. Go to a party

Today is the day. Or night, I guess. Whatever. Tonight I'm sneaking out of my house and going to a party.

Me, Morgan Feldman.

That's right, folks, she's completely lost her mind.

"You okay, Morgs?" Ash asks from inside my gigantic and overly-filled walk-in closet as she digs through my clothes in search of what she considers to be suitable party attire. I'm not entirely sure that she'll find anything good in there; I know that my taste in clothes is far from the fancy stuff that most high school girls around here like to wear. I'd consider myself more of a "plain Jane" compared to my peers. I've never really given much care to my appearance before, but with Ashton rifling through my clothes, I'm suddenly feeling a bit self-conscious.

"Y-yeah," I stutter, sounding completely unconvincing, even to myself. I'm probably as far from "okay" as possible right now, but I don't really know how to appropriately express that. Or if I even should. What if confessing that I'm having second thoughts makes Ashton change her mind about me? Ugh, I shouldn't think like that. But I'm pretty sure that tonight's excursion is going to end up in some kind of humiliating and shameful disaster, and I'm having a difficult time convincing myself otherwise. There's no doubt that the uncertainty and distress I'm currently feeling is thick in my voice, as I can feel it lodged firmly in my throat. How I'm not choking on the gigantic lump of fear is beyond me.

"I don't think you'd really be comfortable in anything that I would typically wear to a party. So I tried to pick some clothes that are more your style while still being party-worthy," Ash tells me, acting as if she didn't notice the outright lie I gave her in response to her question. Her complete disregard for my evident lack of truthfulness has guilt stinging my heart. Regardless, there's something in Ash's tone that sounds wholly accepting of the fact that I'm not really entirely okay. And that I'm not one to dress extravagantly, especially for an occasion that is already shoving me far away from my comfort zone. I can't help but be surprised that Ash isn't pressuring me to let her doll me up for the occasion. Surprised and so incredibly thankful.

"Okay..." I reply nervously, my fingers fidgeting with the hem of my shirt as my mind whirls, hoping that whatever she picked for me isn't something I absolutely can't stand. Wearing something totally unlike me would make this entire night wholly unbearable.

"Don't worry, Morgan. I promise, I was thinking about your comfort the entire time," she assures me, holding up a pair of ripped maroon skinny jeans and a fitted black tee. "See? Nothing scary," Ashton says with a smile.

"Thank you, these are perfect," I tell her gratefully as I take the clothes from her before heading into my bathroom to change.

This doesn't look too bad...

These jeans actually make my butt look nice... And the shirt fits perfectly. Maybe I can do this.

"You look fabulous!" a voice squeals immediately as I exit the bathroom. It's Ashton--crazy girl. I think I may have popped an eardrum from that noise she made...

"You look great, too," I reply, my cheeks tinted pink.

I feel awkward being complimented... I don't know if I like it.

Ashton and I tiptoe down the stairs and through the living room, en route to the back door as silently as possible. If we can make it there without being seen, we're sure to have a successful escape. I hold my breath as we pass by my father's study, hoping with everything in me that he won't notice us. I'm flooded with relief as we make it past his door without making a peep, and I'm somehow suddenly assured that we'll make it out of the house without being caught. My heart begins racing in my chest as the back door comes into view, and the urge to run straight out into the yard is tempting to give in to. I hold back, though, not wanting to give us away when we've already made it this far. It's not long before Ashton and I have stepped onto the back porch, effectively having sneaked out of my house. Closing the door quietly behind us, we quickly bolt out of my backyard and down the road until we can no longer be seen from my house. By the time we finally slow to a stop, we're both completely winded.

"Well, rule breaker, how does it feel?" Ash asks after a few minutes of walking.

"So far? It's a bit exciting," I respond honestly, but somewhere in the back of my mind, a voice whispers that I should be careful; the night is far from over, and there are plenty of things that can still go wrong. "But ask me again later." I have to admit that the adrenaline rush is quite addictive. Although, I'm sure it won't last long, and my insecurities will once again take over soon. It's the story of my life.

"Don't be nervous about the party; I promise to stay with you," says Ashton. "And whenever you're ready to leave, just tell me, and we're outta there."

I simply nod and reply, "Okay."

I've officially sneaked out of my house. And I am on my way to a party...

I sure hope that luck is on my side tonight.

We walk in silence for several minutes, and I can't help but wonder whether or not Ash finds the quietness uncomfortable. She doesn't try to start a conversation with me, just walks beside me as if it's perfectly normal. It's like she knows I need the silence to prepare myself for what's to come. She knows I need to process everything that's happening, and she's okay with it. I'm not sure what I did to be blessed with such an understanding and accepting friend, but my heart swells in appreciation of Ashton and everything she does for me.

Maybe I should have tried this friend thing years ago.