Before I Go

Chapter 26- Rumors

Rumors are not pleasant things. They make people feel like absolute garbage about themselves, and I hate that with a burning passion. As someone who overthinks basically everything, the fact that about ninety percent of the school is talking about me causes the carousel in my head that is already spinning in overdrive to bump up into hyper speed. The accompanying music that should be light and fun speeds up as the turns become faster and faster until the melody practically becomes one with the accelerated whizzing of the wind. The sound is entirely unrecognizable as music anymore, as you cannot separate the two noises from each other. The machine continues to gain momentum as you hang on for dear life, desperately hoping it will eventually stop.

And that when it does, you'll still be in one piece.

It's not even enough that everyone is gossiping about you, either. It's not enough for the others to simply retell the true stories of things that have actually happened. No, they're also embellishing the tales with details that they know aren't true and saying mean things that break down your confidence. What little some of us have. Things that eat away at your brain and your heart and cause emotional pain so deep that it sometimes manifests in a physical way.

I can feel the heaviness in my stomach as I walk down the school hallway. The tightness in my chest as people whisper not-so-subtly about me. They're all pointing and staring and laughing. I practically choke on the lump in my throat that seems to refuse to leave, no matter how much I try to swallow it down.

"Did you hear the rumors about Morgan Feldman? Apparently, she's been sleeping with the entire football team."

"I heard she was having an affair with a forty-year-old married man and got her panties all twisted when he decided not to leave his wife for her."

"Well, someone told me she doesn't even like boys, so I don't know what she's doing with Parker Adams."

I hate this school and the people in it. I hate that some people are so determined to bring others down and that some seem either completely uncaring or utterly oblivious to what's going on around them. That they're so blind to the unbearable pain that they're causing someone for absolutely no reason.

Do they not have anything better to do than to talk about me...?

"I heard that Morgan made a bet with her friend that she could sleep with all the senior boys before the end of the year."

"What are you talking about? Does she even have any friends?"

"Gross, who would even want to sleep with her? She's such a freak."

I tell myself I won't cry as I try to ignore the not-so-hushed voices around me. I attempt to put up a mental block to stop the words from penetrating into my head. I won't let these disgusting people see that their words are hurting me. I refuse to let them see how weak I am. I just... can't.

I take a deep breath and continue down the hallway, heading toward my locker as I had originally planned. You know, like nothing has happened. I pretend that whatever these people are saying about me doesn't affect me at all. Serena is waiting for me when I get there, and all the effort it took to seem disconnected from the gossip and rumors suddenly seems useless. Her presence alone is enough to alert me that this... whatever it is, won't be a good thing. I'm wholly aware that this entire situation is about to get infinitely worse.

"Hey, Loser," Serena says, giving me a broad and taunting smile. It's as if she's incredibly proud of herself for something she's done. Like she couldn't be more pleased with herself. "Do you like the rumors going around about you?"

While I had already assumed she was behind this new wave of torment, the sheer joy she appears to be getting from watching my suffering is quite concerning. I mentally dust myself off, determined to not let Serena wreak havoc on my mental well-being today. "It's a little sad that you have nothing better to do with our time than to talk about me," I say, maneuvering around the wretched girl to get to my locker. "You know, some might even say you're being a little obsessive, Serena."

"Obsessive?" she asks incredulously. "You think I'm obsessed with you? That's ridiculous!"

I shrug my shoulders at her as if a verbal response isn't necessary and unload my books into my locker. "Well, you've been going pretty far out of your way to talk either to me or about me," I reply, knowing that my words will only wind her up further. "Sounds pretty obsessive to me."

"Why, you little--"

"I've gotta tell you, though, Serena. You're really not my type," I say, failing to hide the smirk that has crept onto my lips as I close my locker and turn to face her.

"And who is your type, Baby?" Parker's smooth voice floats over my shoulder as he comes up behind me, draping his arm over me like he's done it a thousand times before. As if it's a perfectly natural thing to do. While I won't complain about the physical contact and close proximity, I can't stop the blush that takes over my cheeks. "Hey, Serena," he says, narrowing his eyes at the girl beside me. "Are you trying to steal my girl?"

His... girl...?

Did I miss something...?

"Your... what?" asks Serena, her face and voice both clearly displaying the shock she must be feeling right now.

"I suggest you get over yourself and stop spreading rumors. It really just makes you look stupid... maybe even desperate," Parker tells her.

With one last evil glare directed at me, Serena stomps off down the hallway, shoving other students out of her way in her anger. A strange emotion fills my chest at seeing Serena put in her place by Parker, one that I'm entirely unaware of how to accurately describe. Whatever it is, I would definitely label it as a pleasant one.