Before I Go

Chapter 4- Not Invisible

My left leg bounces uncontrollably under my rickety old desk as I failingly try to concentrate on the words coming out of the teacher's mouth. Even if his monotonous voice and boring lecture weren't already causing my ears to bleed, I'm far too lost in my racing thoughts to even pretend that I'm paying attention right now. Who needs math anyway, right? I feel like a complete idiot for how that entire exchange with Parker Adams went down in the hallway earlier; I finally had a chance to talk to my long-time crush, and I completely blew it. To say that I'm embarrassed would be an understatement. In fact, I can still feel the heat in my cheeks, and I doubt that it will be subsiding anytime soon, especially if I can't force myself to think of anything else.

Oh, God! What is wrong with me? What if Parker is wondering the same thing right now? What if he thinks I'm super weird? Or if he doesn't want to talk to me ever again?

I'm such a loser... If the ground could just swallow me up right now, I'd definitely appreciate it...

Before I know it, class is over, the shrill ringing of the bell signaling that the hell that is math class is finally finished for the day. I couldn't be more grateful. My body functions on autopilot to get me where I need to be, my mind totally absent from the process of getting to my next class. My feet swiftly maneuver me through the packed hallway, easily avoiding crashing into any of my peers. Even though my brain is wholly distracted with other things at the moment, I can feel a niggling of appreciation for the fact that I haven't further embarrassed myself by being a clumsy idiot in front of the whole school. With thoughts of this morning's epic failure still looming, I don't even notice the multiple sets of eyes that are glued to me as I absentmindedly hurry along.

"Hey there, Looney Toon," an unfamiliar voice says, instantly pulling me from my thoughts.

I nervously look around, and while I finally notice that several people are looking at me, much to my dismay, I don't see anyone that could possibly be talking to me. Maybe I'm hearing things, or perhaps the comment wasn't even directed at me. I have no idea, and I don't know if I have the energy to focus on that right now. No one has ever called me "Looney Toon" to my face before, either; people typically stick to talking smack about me behind my back. Weird. Shrugging it off, I continue down the hall to my locker, letting my thoughts consume me one more time.

"You know, it's not very polite to ignore people," the same voice says, startling me once again. This time, my body physically jolts at the surprise. My brain lags in processing the situation as it's far too busy on its previous track of overthinking about how I may never get another opportunity to speak to Parker Adams again; what a waste that would be. I look to my left and see a pretty but almost entirely unrecognizable girl standing there, a wide smile on her face. I'm reasonably sure that I've probably seen her around the school before, but her name escapes me.

"Oh, you were talking to me?" I ask quietly, hoping that I'm not imagining things. Maybe she was talking to someone else, and I have just made a complete fool out of myself again. Honestly, that would be just my luck, wouldn't it?

"Are you okay?" the unknown girl asks, looking a little concerned as her eyes cautiously rake over my face. Her far-too-close-for-my-liking attention has the warmth returning to my cheeks, which are likely a dark crimson by now. I keep my gaze glued to my locker, refusing to make eye contact with this girl I don't even know, and I silently scold myself for being so incredibly awkward. And rude. Yeah, I'm probably coming off as so freaking rude right now.

Crap. I suppose I should at least try to have a conversation with this girl.

"Oh, uh... y-yeah," I stupidly reply, wishing my brain would force my mouth to work correctly for a change. Or that I could maintain my composure and string together a proper sentence when faced with the opportunity to socialize. It would be nice to not be awkward for once!

"I'm Ashton," she says, smiling at me. Her smile is bright and beautiful, her perfect white teeth insanely straight, and I'm instantly jealous and self-conscious of my own smile. It's nowhere near as pretty as hers. Speaking of pretty, my eyes roam over Ashton's face, and I can't help but notice how undeniably gorgeous she is. Her deep brown eyes sparkle with a hint of mischief, and her dark red hair looks so silky...

Quit it; you're being weird again.

"I'm Morgan," I respond, unsure of what to expect from this conversation. I feel foolish for not knowing how to have a decent conversation with someone today. Or ever, really; I guess I've never been good at that. Truthfully, if there were awards given out to people for being the most socially awkward, I'd probably have an entire collection of them by now. Another wave of embarrassment hits me as I silently mull over that thought. It really is no wonder that I've never had a functional friendship before; no one wants to be associated with a weirdo like me.

"Duh, I know," Ashton says, a teasing tone in her voice, the smile never leaving her lips. "I just wanted to tell you that I like your new look. Seriously, you're looking fabulous today!"

"Oh, uh... th-thanks..." I mumble, ducking my head a bit, hoping to hide the ever-darkening blush on my cheeks. I'm pretty sure it just draws more attention to it, though, which only makes the heat in my face increase drastically.

Ashton smiles at me and says, "See ya around, Morgan," before walking away.

Welp. I'm definitely not invisible anymore.