Devil's Fate

Smashed

Chester wasn't sure what time it was when Cheese began to whine. It started out with her moving around. She broke free of his arms, then nuzzled his skin with the occasional lick. Then she nipped at his fingers. Then it was a full-out cry.

He cracked his eyes open to see the black and tan terrier practically crossing her legs. "You gotta pee?" he mumbled before his brain really started to wake up. He groaned as he sat up, his neck hurting. "Fuck me," he whispered as he rubbed it, his other hand keeping Cheese on the couch. He shut his eyes as he tilted his head to the left and then the right. The apartment was lit up, which meant the sun was up and the new day had started without them.

Chester turned and looked at Mike and smiled. His boyfriend was still sitting up, his head back, his mouth open as he slept. "Look at him," Chester whispered to the dog. "He's so funny." He leaned over and plopped a kiss to Mike's bare shoulder before he stood up, Cheese in his arms. "Uuuuugh," he groaned as he did. Sleeping on the couch was never fun, and sleeping with his head on Mike's leg for hours was worse.

He rubbed his face with his free hand, waking up a little more before he headed for the bathroom, taking the puppy with him. "I have to pee first. Then I'll slip my slides on and take you out. No accidents, okay?" he asked the terrier as they stepped into the bathroom and he set her on the tile.

True to his word, he didn't waste any time. He relieved himself quickly, washed his hands, and then grabbed his sandals from the floor of the closet. He looked down and cocked an eyebrow at how they looked against his black and gray striped socks. "They work," he decided before he snatched Cheese's harness and leash. He strapped the impatient puppy in before scooping her up again. He knew she liked to walk to the grass, but it would be faster if he carried her. "Mike," he called as he opened the front door. "I'm taking Cheese out." He glanced at the clock on the wall and frowned. "It's after nine." He only waited long enough to see movement from his boyfriend, and then he was gone, out the door with the dog.

After nine. Mike tried to put those words with the urgency in Chester's voice. He wasn't comfortable, and it took him a few seconds to work out that he was on the couch. "Oohhh," he groaned, his eyes opening a crack. "Fuck." He lifted his head a little and looked toward the door, Chester's words finally registering as last night came rushing back. They'd fallen asleep on the couch with the puppy after Chester's nightmare. "Fuck," he whispered again, lifting his hand to rub over his eyes.

It had only been a few hours since he'd shaken Chester awake, and the light of morning didn't make the subject of their early morning conversation less distressing. Mike pulled his legs up on the couch and lay down, covering his eyes with his arm. I don't even know where to start. I don't know what to say this morning. Who knows where Ryan is, or if he'd answer if Ches called. Do I really want Ches to call him? Mike frowned, thinking about the despair in Chester's eyes only hours ago. Fuck, he probably wouldn't answer. It would just make it all worse.

He twisted onto his side and opened his eyes again, staring straight ahead without really seeing anything. He'd fallen asleep worrying over his own deep insecurities, thoughts of his parents, his inadequacies, and Jason. And Mark. He's the reason everything is so fucked up in Chester's head. He's always been the problem. I hate him. It feels wrong to hate a dead man so much, but I do. I do, I do. Mike pulled the blanket up closer to his chest and sighed. He wished he could erase Mark from Chester's mind, from his own mind.

There was so much damage to be undone in their past. More than he even knew, and that was where Ryan was so important in Chester's life. Mike knew that now. Mike knew that Ryan knew far more than he did, things Chester had suffered through before Jason dragged Mike into YRS. He's like Jay more than he thinks. They both went through a lot, and Ryan knows all about it. Ryan suffered there, too. Mark didn't spare him. Maybe that's what's pushed Ryan over the edge now. If he's drinking as much as Ches says he is... if he's mixed up in that porn industry lifestyle... he can't deal with all of it. We all tried to leave it in the past without confronting it, and look where that left us.