Devil's Fate

Journal Entries

Chester sat behind the wheel of his little red sports car. He'd gotten to Amir's fifteen minutes earlier than he was supposed to, and it seemed like a good opportunity to get some journaling in. He'd been in the habit of carrying the black leather bound book with him to work, just in case he found himself stuck in between projects or meetings, and this was exactly one of those moments.

He had the journal open, pressed against the steering wheel as he wrote in green with his rainbow colored pen. He'd already propped his sunglasses up on his head, cushioned by his dark curls as he scrawled his sentences across the page.

I'm so fucking worried about Ryan. And I think I'm at the point where I have to admit that I can't help. He won't talk to me, and until he does, there's nothing I can do.

He stopped, his eyes ghosting up and out the front windshield at the outside of Amir's posh building. It was Tuesday, and Mike was stuck in classes all day, but Chester had the day off, which had finally lined up with Amir and Noah's schedules. Hot coffee and a homemade breakfast prepared by his roommates was in order.

Technically I still live with Amir, but I'm never here. I think I'm going to tell him. Them. I'm going to tell Amir and Noah about Ryan. The few times I've mentioned him, Amir always says that he hasn't really talked to him that every time he tries, Ry says he's busy. Well I know that's bullshit. Ry's not busy...he's hiding. Amir and Ry have always been close. Maybe he knows something I don't. Maybe if he knows what's going on, he can talk to Ry, and maybe Ry will talk to him.

Chester stopped, his bottom lip trembling for a second as he reread his own words. He couldn't help the sting he felt over the thought that Ryan might open up to Amir, while still keeping him in the complete dark. "But that's so fucking selfish of me," he mumbled before he let out a hard breath and started to write again.

It doesn't matter if it's me or Amir or Noah or whoever. Whoever it takes to get through to him, that's what needs to happen. I don't want to lose him. I don't want to get a phone call one day telling me Ry's been arrested or he's really hurt or...

Chester stopped again. He couldn't bring himself to write the word dead. He looked away, out the side window at the other cars in the parking lot. He sat still as he stared, as he tried to mentally pull himself together before he tried again, skipping down to the next line, leaving his sentence unfinished.

Mike tries to understand. He's actually done amazing through all this. It feels like a lifetime ago he used to get upset and jealous over me just mentioning Ryan's name. Now he's supportive and encouraging.

Chester tapped the end of his pen against his lip, listening to the way it clicked against his piercing as he thought. The last few months since Mike had started school - since they'd gotten back together and started to repair their relationship - had been a new world.

He looked down at his journal, rereading his paragraph before he added to it. I think it's been about finding balance. I needed balance with Ry. I was giving him way too much of myself, and Mike needed balance with his emotions. His jealousy. He knows I've been loyal through everything, and I think that's really helped. And school, too. I think now that he's really doing what he wants, and he's finally going after his dream, he's in a better place. He's so chill most days now, which is amazing. I love him. I love him so much, and I know he loves me back. I've been trying my hardest to trust him, and so far he hasn't done anything to make me think that I can't. Us kinda having our own place again with just the two of us has been a big help, too, even though me staying on campus is breaking, like, a million rules. Mike wants me there, though, so until he says it's no longer a good idea, I'm staying.